So lately I have been seeing all these blogs about parenting
letters to people who are not parents. And I am not going to lie I have indulged
in a good reading of one or two of them but bottom line, they all say pretty
much the same thing. They are letters to people who think they know how to
control a toddler, child or baby. They
are explaining what as a parent you know and go through during your shopping
process so that the person who doesn't have kids, or forgot what it’s like to
have kids can get a grip.
I have been in those shoes and trust me it’s not easy being
a parent. They are right, it sucks that
sometimes you have to take your little ones to the store and they are going to
cry the whole cart ride through the store and mess up everyone’s evening by
being too loud with their screaming and fit throwing. I guess I am a parent
that normally does not indulge in thinking or caring what the other shoppers
around me are thinking.
Maybe I am a bad co-shopper. I really couldn't care less if
my 2 year old starts screaming for no reason while I am out. Sure I can tell
him to be quiet but honestly that isn't going to work and anyone who knows
anything about kids really knows that. So no matter what people say, or how long
they stare at you who cares? I mean it! Really! who cares?
So your kid is embarrassing you? Trust me, there are going to be millions of
times where you are going to embarrass them, actually you probably already have they just don't voice it. My advice to parents who seem to
need to have an explanation for what is happening in the store is this; MOVE ON!! Accept that this is going to happen and let your kid be a kid. I’m not saying
let it get out of hand but honestly don’t get embarrassed or feel that you need
to explain yourself and hopes that the onlooker is going to understand that
your kid just does that sometimes because HE’S NORMAL!!!! Your kid needs to know they are accepted and
loved by you no matter where you are at, no matter who is watching and no matter what
they are doing during those times.
I am a parent to three wonderful children and at some point
all of them have let loose with some form of screaming fit in public and
usually not in the best of circumstances. They always know the exact worst time
and place to throw a fit. Honestly with my first born I reacted and cared about
the stares that people threw my way, or the people passing by who mumble under
their breath to take my kid back home so they could be in peace. All while trying
to make it look like I am maintaining some sort of order and my son knew that I
was terribly embarrassed by his behavior. I would be frustrated while trying to maintain
my cool that I didn't feel inside but wanted others to see. But my disapproval for him was not only in my
look but in my tones I would give him while talking to him which in turn made
him react even worse.
As baby #2 was born I started reacting less to those
stares, those people who randomly came by and mumbled something. I tried to maintain my poise and control. I still cared inside that I was affecting other
shoppers but I never really reacted much to the stares anymore because I was
starting to realize that my kids were acting up because of the simple fact
that, well, they are kids! It’s what
they do! Just because they act up once or twice while out in public doesn't
make me a bad parent and it doesn't make them a bad kid either.
By the time my daughter was born, baby #3, I had figured out
that it was more effective to just stare back or even laugh (it really ticks off
the people who think you need to do something to your child more than tell them
to stop). I don’t care that my baby is interrupting your joyful shopping
experience. If you wanted a quiet peaceful shopping trip go to a store that
doesn't have toys, candy, chips or other forms of kids’ goodies being sold, you
probably won’t find many toddlers and babies in there. To react to these people like there is
something you can do about the situation is rather stupid. To give into them is
rather a dumb choice on the parent’s part don’t take your kid out tell them to
come back at a decent hour when kids are sleeping if they want peace and quiet.
I want my kids to know that though I don’t approve of fit throwing I do approve
of them as a person. I don’t want my kid
to think that my image to others is more important than they are.
Trying to forcefully gain control with an on looking crowd is
more difficult than most people think. You never know who is watching. It’s either the parent that thinks you should wallop
your kid in public for such behavior or you have the other someone who might at
any moment call social services on you for handling a kid possibly a little too
rough when you pick them up off the floor to put them in the cart. Either way
you can’t win. Either choice you make is always going to displease someone
looking on. So it’s easier to just face facts that you are bound to upset a
person by bringing your kids out in public because chances are good they
are going to throw a fit, and if you have more than one they are probably going
to do it in unison at some point.
I don’t want my kids to think they need to wonder around
being perfect angels in fear that they are going to upset me and think “mom is
going to ‘blow’ again because she lost control of the situation and I am embarrassing
her.” I’m not saying I let my kids run amuck when shopping either but truth is
I really don’t care about the stand by person who is judging my parenting
choices on how I let my kids act when in public. Honestly I am not in the mood
to try and impress anyone when I am out trying to get shopping done if anything
I am trying to have fun with my kids as much as humanly possible and I know
that the fit is only temporary so why waste my whole day going back home to
appease the annoyed shopper?
So to all the parents out there trying to make excuses or
explain why you go shopping with your kids, don’t let the people get under your
skin. Don’t let the stupid stares of people who don’t matter get to you. And if
they start saying something about your child’s behavior (because lets admit
there are several hundred people out there with free parenting opinions and advice
for you) comment back. It doesn't have to be mean, but hey if they are being
rude to you it’s o.k to stand up for yourself, and your kid(s). The world is
full of people around every corner judging your every move, don’t let the
people who don’t mean a thing to you or your kids impact the way you are or
make you feel guilty for needing a shopping trip to get groceries, or clothes,
or toys or just out because you needed out of the house.
When your kid is 18 you are going to still look at them with
that proud parent glance and you won’t even remember the tantrums they might have
thrown in the middle of Target. And those people who were annoyed, if they make
you think you are ruining their day remember your kid isn't ruining their day; their day was already ruined before you entered it so don’t let them fool you.
Don’t let those people ruin your fun filled day with their opinion that in the
end doesn't matter. Have fun with your kids and stop being embarrassed for your
kid doing what is only natural for kids to do.