The perfect mom for your kids is YOU!

This is to all you Mommy's who are stressed out, overly self cynical, self-doubting, and constantly over comparing yourself to other Moms.

You need to take a breather! You need to sit down! Relax! Get off social media for a day or two! Get off pinterest! Get your head out of other people's homes! And Embrace your babies, those cute little cuddly bundles of joy that seem to be growing up faster than you can think. Stop! STOP comparing yourself to the world around you with what they think a good mom is and just be who YOU ARE!

God created each of us ladies to be something uniquely different. We are all special. We are all different personalities and traits and back grounds. We all have different ideas and we all have different skill levels. But yet somehow many of us fall into a trap of comparing ourselves to the women and mom's around us. Thinking we will never measure up to them. But you want to know something cool?! You are RIGHT you won't! You aren't them! You never have been, never will be. You don't have their past, you don't have their present, you don't even have their future! How awesome is that? That means you are free to go about being YOU!

Your kids want you to be just who you are. You see God intended YOU to be the exact parent to those specific children. Your friends, your mother, your mother-in-law, your sister, your sister-in-law; they may all be great mom's or replicas of good moms but that doesn't mean they were the right mom for your kids. If they were the right mom for your kids then God would have given them your kids and not you. It's ok to embrace who you are, to be exactly the kind of mom you want and were created to be; imperfections and all.

This means that just because your mom had a spotless house while you were growing up doesn't mean you have to have one just like it. Or just because your friend has a home that looks like it came straight out of a Better Homes and Garden catalog, doesn't mean that you are suppose to too. Every one of us moms is just as different as every one of our kids. For instance, one of my good friends she is such a neat freak! Love her to pieces, but I am not a neat freak. She even apologizes for having a messy home when on a good day of mine my home is never that good looking and organized and she thinks her house is a mess? Does that make her a bad mom? Nope! Does it make me a bad mom because I am not that organized? Nope! It just means we are different. Not only is she in a different phase of life right now but she is also a completely different person than I am. I'm ok that her home looks good and she is comfortable living in it. But I also don't care if her home is messy or clean I wouldn't even notice the specific cleanliness to her home if she never mentioned it to me.

As a mom in today's world with pictures of our friends homes being paraded around in-front of us on every social media site thinkable we often have a hard time not comparing ourselves to them. From house cleaning, to cooking and baking, to raising kids and even dating our spouse we often can see where we may lack on the awesome meter. Frankly it can be super degrading if we constantly find ourselves looking around at everyone else's life. But let's be real for a second, most people only post the fun times on Facebook and twitter no one posts the bad pictures where the kids are crying more than they are smiling. They don't post photos of them and their spouse when they are in a heated argument and they don't post pictures of any dinner that they burned and the McDonald's they had to opt for because their kids were starving and they were done trying to be awesome mom!
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We all see it everywhere. We all compare on a regular basis to everyone because we want everyone to think we are just as awesome all the time as we see portrayed in-front of our eyes.  But here is a little secret. When people tell me they look up to me as a mom, wife, or any other aspect I see it as a compliment but I also don't want them doing that. Why? (this is my secret) Because I don't have it all together! I don't have all the answers for me and my family let alone the ability to help someone else really pull theirs together. If you lived with me as a fly on the wall you would see the truth of my life. I freak out on my kids, I have screamed at them but I also love on them with hugs and kisses.  I am not the perfect wife or homemaker. I am far from the picture perfect idea of a good mom. But, I have learned to embrace that I am who I am. And guess what?  My hubby and kids they love me no matter how good I am at cooking or cleaning or keeping up with Mrs. Jones. I am far from a perfect mom. I don't do craft projects with them anymore for the simple fact I am a perfectionist at craft time and if it doesn't look like I would do it then I get overly frustrated and yell at them, which turns craft time into not fun time.

See my talents don't' lie in teaching my kids crafts or drawing. I can't teach them things like that because it's overly frustrating for my brain and then when all is said and done I feel terrible for having pushed my kids to do something my way, they are gloomy because they upset me and didn't mean too and tried their hardest and frankly I just don't do it. It's pointless to try and do projects because it is more fun to just get out he color crayons at my house and we can all color our own pictures and spend time together that way. It doesn't make me a bad mom because I don't do crafty things, personally I hope it makes me a wiser mom for finally realizing it's pointless in our home and it saves on hurt feelings and angry words being said. I have learned to accept the fact that I can't change my personality, meaning craft time probably will never happen at my home, and frankly I am ok with that. My kids are not going to grow up as unable to enter society just because I decided to save them from crabby moments of crafting projects.

However, on a good note, I can bake and I love to do baking time with my kids. I love having them help me. But the cool thing is I know another mom who can't figure out how I even let my kids in the kitchen let alone help me bake. It doesn't make either of us bad mom's we are both just given different skill sets.

The point here is that we are all different. As mom's we all need to embrace who we are. Not look and see that everyone else has it together or Martha has a cleaner home than Mary. We need to realize that while we were busy doing stuff with our kids and they become who they are suppose to be the other mom's are busy doing what they are doing for their kids so they can become who they are suppose to be. Each mom has their own set of abilities and those children need those abilities to become exactly who God intends them to be while on this planet. Be excited you are not the same as your friend.

It's time to start being ok with you, stop being embarrassed of who you are when you look in the mirror and you don't see the reflection of a neat, well organized, always on time, perfectly made dinner every night, best tempered mom. Instead find out who you are, find out what works best for you. And though you may find other peoples opinions and ideas to work for some things don't forget to put your own twist to them. No one has all the answers for raising your kids, keeping your home, how to cook the right foods, and how to make it all work. We all lead different lives, with different people in them and different circumstances surrounding them. Find out what works for you and your family and go with it. What makes you and your family function to the best of it's ability is what is right for you.  And trust me the whole of what you do will NEVER be the exact same for anyone else, that is what makes your specific family unique.

It's ok to sit back, relax and breath a bit. Your children will thank you, your spouse will thank you and for sure your own heart will thank you. Stop trying to keep up with everyone else's ideas of who you should be and just be who you are. It will be the most rewarding thing you have ever done for your family and for yourself! Your kids NEED you to be YOU not an idea of what you think everyone else thinks you should be. The perfect mom for your kids IS YOU!

God has a reason for your pain (even years of pain).

Everyone has a story. Some of us are blessed with 'easy' stories. Easier walks of life. Some of us are blessed with 'hard' stories or the stories that seem to burden us and others when we share them. But we all have a story and a specific one for a purpose. I remember growing up and feeling some pains in life that I thought I was the only one who felt them. I felt alone, depressed, and upset a lot of my years from about 10years old to when I graduated high school and even up to as far as the last few years of my life. I felt like I had been dealt a bad hand in life and I was to suffer through it. I saw no purpose in the suffering. I saw no purpose in my story. I didn't even see my life as a story I saw my life as something that no one noticed, something that would pass away without a care in the world.

I didn't think most people would miss me if I was gone. Honestly we moved from place to place so much growing up I was certain no one would miss me if I didn't exist. But somehow, I kept on living. Living the mundane life over and over again. Wondering exactly what my purpose was for this earth. What God had in store for me. Was I just suppose to live life completely and utterly depressed for the rest of my days? Was I suppose to continue to wallow and wonder if there was a true existence? Was pretending that everything was ok, and being sweet to people and talking about what I knew about Jesus and God good enough to get me into those pearly gates I so longed to see day in and day out?

To say I felt no better off than a lost person would not be an exaggeration. Every day I remember waking up thinking; "Wonder if I get to catch a break today or if something else will add to my misery and my negative existence of life?" I seriously felt like the person God had made to more or less punish. I felt like all the people around me were being praised by their parents even when they weren't trying to be awesome kids, and I was the kid that tried her butt off and failed every time. I felt so often like God had made me just to be a butt of a joke or something. I did not by any means frequently feel His love, or His joy. Most days, I felt like He was some big monster that enjoyed playing dolls and some dolls He liked cuz they were pretty and smart and other dolls He made them out to be ugly and stupid just so He has something to be mean too and I was one of the rare yet ugliest and dumbest of them all.

Honestly for most of my life I have never had a good view of God. I mean trust me I know what the Bible says, I grew up in a Christian home, I went to two different Christian colleges where they force you to take Bible classes. I even signed up to take Bible classes and not because "I felt God urging me to do it." No, I signed up for those classes 1) because it was mandatory and 2) to please the mom and dad and hopefully make it look good to the people I was around. I figured if I could fool them all into believing I was a nice Christian girl then maybe I could convince God I wasn't half bad either and all this stuff He kept throwing at me that felt like he hated me and just wanted to see me fail, and see me give up.

Now off and on there were good times, but they didn't last often, and honestly I had a hard time keeping my focus on those good times. I had a hard time feeling like I wasn't catching more than a breather for two seconds before it felt like my head was being stuck back under a running faucet as big as a bucket and I had to try and find ways to breath without drowning.

I tried so hard to find out who God was. I tried to reach him. And though I don't believe for a second I was unsaved, I do believe that I had somehow conjured up a very very poor image of who God was. I honestly for the world thought God was out to get me, out to push me to my limits. As I continued to try and grow in my faith I was thinking he was more or less pushing me to the limits to try and help me grow in my faith. Trials make you grow, so honestly I started adapting to the thought that God was just continually pushing me to make me grow spiritually. To continually test me to see if I really would break under the pressure. It was like each thing was another test for me to see if I truly trusted Him with my life. Many days just seemed like a blur I felt for so long like I was still drowning. I was gasping for breaths of air, pieces of hope when I could find them to keep me just hanging on to a thread.

I still saw God as all powerful! HE was HUGE he was big, he could do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted and he answers to no one. He has free reign to do whatever he wants with each person, me, my husband, my kids, my friends. And I always worried I was going to loose someone I held dear just because I felt that was how God was going to try and 'break' my will to hang onto him. Honestly when it comes down too it most of the time I felt like God was trying to find a way to get me to let go of him, like maybe he really just didn't want me in heaven and he was throwing all this negative stuff in life my way just to try and push me further away.

You see I saw God in such a twisted light that even currently still on days where I am feeling low I have to really relive the story for myself of the truth I have come to find. I still sometimes view him as the big ugly monster who just wants to hurt certain people and wants to pick on us when he himself is having a rough day or feels like playing a joke on someone.

But My story is just that. I have my own story. It is somewhat sad in spots, even down right depressing. Most psychologists, and other people I have opened up to about certain things will directly tell you I have a legit reason to be depressed, I have real issues in my past. And for a while, I honestly let those issues (especially during my pregnancies) eat at me. I let them be the reasons I wouldn't go out. They would be the reasons I tried to have people feel sorry for my past.

But then, it finally hit me even during my last pregnancy, my story, parts of it really really suck! But the point isn't about the fact that I have a bad past. The point is the fact God, in all his power, allowed every single one of those bad things to happen to me. He allowed the people who harmed me to do so, he allowed the circumstances to eat me up inside. He allowed all the thoughts I had to continually run through my head for a purpose.

You see God, though I don't think anymore that he is a sick and mean and cruel God, He does allow bad things to happen to people. He allows bad things to happen to innocent children. He allows so much to go on, not because he doesn't care, but because He knows who He created. God created my story, a special story, just for me all for myself to be uniquely and genuinely real, so that my previous pain could not only affect my future, but in turn touch other's future and bring them hope when they see none. My story may just be a point in another persons hurting world where just like me they feel that they can barely catch a breath of air, but it's just enough air to be able to hold through the pain a little longer in the hope that one day there is a brighter future.

My years and years and years of depression where not because God has a cruel and wicked sense of humor. My years and years and years of sorrow and hurt were for a purpose, so one day I would find healing in the Power, I would find a way to grab God's hand and rise above the pain, and share the story He created just for me. I am to encourage someone else in this world. God is not cruel, but He does have a plan for your pain. You just have to trust Him He's going to reveal Himself to you on a brighter side, in a place that if you are willing to rise above will bring ultimate glory to Him. The purpose for my story of pain was in the end to Glorify Himself in ways I may never see or understand.  And yes, somehow that makes it all worth it, because I know that everything I went through wasn't for nothing it was for something bigger than me.

You may wonder, well how do I feel about God now? Honestly on bad days when I feel myself sinking into a depressed state of mind if I do not stop  myself I get right back to where I was wondering why I exist and is he truly a loving and caring God. But thankfully most days I can stop the thought process from spiraling. I can not say that God is cruel when I know I have seen the hand reaching to my life to lift me out of my depressed emotional state. I look to the Bible and know that the loving God I read about made those promises for me just as much as he did for all the other people in the world. He will never leave you or forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:8)   He has plans to prosper you, plans for hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11) God IS FOR YOU NOT AGAINST YOU!!!(Romans 8:31)  if you can claim those truths found in scripture then it's easier to know that any circumstance may be a testing of faith, but it is also a story of victory in the end that will glorify God.

Romans 8:35-39

 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?  (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.” No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.  No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I don't trust God with Everything

A little over a week ago I was blessed to be able to hang out with two very Godly Christian women. They are friends that I appreciate all the time as they are usually straight forward and they put up with my shenanigans, on many occasion even help me through some of my own personal struggles and issues. This night of hanging out with these two was no different. I had a mental break through on a few points of things but none as important as the truth of my trust in God.

It's clear that when we are a 'good Christian' we admit to trusting God with everything. But truth be told we might not. That's right you heard me, we might NOT trust God! Otherwise why would we worry, ever?!? Why would we question things so often?!?! and Why would we become grouchy when things don't go the way we thought they would?

It's easy, the truth is we trust God, just maybe not with everything. For instance I finally put into words my lack of trust in the area I have. You see when God took this little boy away with cancer that I use to nanny I learned to fear God, but it wasn't in the sense of a healthy fear of the Lord that we are told to have. No, mine was a fear of knowing that with my own children God could, if He so chose, to do the same or worse, or maybe only half as bad to my children. It freaks me out! I am not going to lie, though I don't think in my head that He is going to do that, but the fear is still there and the lack of trust also remains. But bottom line to all this, I don't trust that God doesn't have plans to harm my kids.

Putting that into words sounds almost unholy, but honestly it's freeing. My first thoughts were to never say something like that out loud because it doesn't sound "Christian." But how untrue. And then as we were talking one of my friends mentioned that how heartbroken God must be that we don't fully trust, we as in she admitted she also has issues with full trust. (I felt in good company no worries) She mentioned that if one of her children where to say that to her that she would be utterly crestfallen. And it hit me because deep down I didn't agree with that one but I do see where she is coming from so not that she is wrong. And before I sound like an uncaring mother I'll tell you why I didn't agree:

You see many times our children don't trust us! They don't say this with their words because lets face it, most of our little ones at least mine don't fully understand the word trust, so they don't use it. But, here is an example of my child not trusting me. I told my 2 year old to jump one day off something and I told him I would catch him and he wouldn't get hurt. He started crying and said 'no' and never jumped. Was my mama's heart torn in two that he didn't trust me? No, actually it wasn't because I understood that there was a reason to fear, the fear I wouldn't catch him and he would get hurt. So, instead of having him jump I gently picked him up like he was jumping softly brought him down.
Then there is an instance with my 4 year old just yesterday, he had a hang nail (which he hadn't had before) and I told him I would take care of it. He wouldn't let me touch his hand in fear that I was going to hurt him even though I told him I wouldn't. He went through the whole day moving his hand away from me not letting me touch his hand because he didn't trust my word.When the hang nail was removed and he realized it was finally gone I asked if there was pain, and he said, "nope, I didn't even know it was gone." My response, "Well, next time you should trust me." But, when I thought about it yesterday I wasn't hurt by his actions, for in the prospect that their may be pain, there is always fear. When fear is present there is a lack of trust.

I am the same way with God. Though he wants me to trust him and He tells me "I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper and not to harm, plans to give you hope and a future." Even though I know these things my heart can still see the possibility that things won't go as planned that things may fail, that even though He promises to take care of me there is still the fear of the unknown, the what if's and so on. It doesn't excuse my times of failure to reach out and trust, but to God, much like I understand my children as a parent and try to sympathize with them with their lack of trust for me, He also sympathies and understands when we fear. He knows our hearts that want to be trusting but yet have a difficult time of letting go of some things. God knows, and I believe He even understands my fears. God reaches out and helps me out both when I trust and when I don't have it 100% there. And usually that small voice speaks when He has accomplished to show me it'll be o.k with the same words I say to my sons, "well, next time you should trust me." It's not demeaning or rude or even harsh, it's just simply stated the way I would say it to my son.

So, wither you are willing to admit with your voice that you don't trust God in certain areas of your life, your actions speak just as loud to God as your words. Just like my children don't know how to say, "mom I don't trust you," their actions on both stories I mentioned above proved that they didn't believe me, they didn't trust me. Was it hurtful, no not really I am ok with the fact that my kids don't always see what I see, or comprehend the way I comprehend parts of life. God, is no different of a loving Heavenly Father, as our Heavenly parent who cares, He sees our reluctance, our movements, our lack of faith. He see's our lack of trust in Him, no matter how we try to portray to the rest of the world that we are fully a trusting Christian, He knows the truth wither you admit it or not.

But honestly, put it into words where you don't trust God, tell Him about it.  Confess it. Even though you won't be healed over night, you will be healed of your fear. God appreciates honesty from you more than pretending or saying you trust Him with it all, when He knows your heart and you deep down know the truth, you just don't quiet trust Him with everything! Trusting God with everything isn't easy to do, no matter how much someone may try to convince you that it is. God understands, He knows our fears, He knows our hearts and He knows that He is good even if we don't fully trust and comprehend that! And though I may not trust God with my kids 100% I do trust HE is GOOD and somehow no matter what He takes me through He will be exulted through it!

Shopping with your toddlers

So lately I have been seeing all these blogs about parenting letters to people who are not parents. And I am not going to lie I have indulged in a good reading of one or two of them but bottom line, they all say pretty much the same thing. They are letters to people who think they know how to control a toddler, child or baby.  They are explaining what as a parent you know and go through during your shopping process so that the person who doesn't have kids, or forgot what it’s like to have kids can get a grip.

I have been in those shoes and trust me it’s not easy being a parent.  They are right, it sucks that sometimes you have to take your little ones to the store and they are going to cry the whole cart ride through the store and mess up everyone’s evening by being too loud with their screaming and fit throwing. I guess I am a parent that normally does not indulge in thinking or caring what the other shoppers around me are thinking.

Maybe I am a bad co-shopper. I really couldn't care less if my 2 year old starts screaming for no reason while I am out. Sure I can tell him to be quiet but honestly that isn't going to work and anyone who knows anything about kids really knows that. So no matter what people say, or how long they stare at you who cares? I mean it! Really! who cares?

So your kid is embarrassing you?  Trust me, there are going to be millions of times where you are going to embarrass them, actually you probably already have they just don't voice it. My advice to parents who seem to need to have an explanation for what is happening in the store is this; MOVE ON!! Accept that this is going to happen and let your kid be a kid. I’m not saying let it get out of hand but honestly don’t get embarrassed or feel that you need to explain yourself and hopes that the onlooker is going to understand that your kid just does that sometimes because HE’S NORMAL!!!!  Your kid needs to know they are accepted and loved by you no matter where you are at, no matter who is watching and no matter what they are doing during those times.

I am a parent to three wonderful children and at some point all of them have let loose with some form of screaming fit in public and usually not in the best of circumstances. They always know the exact worst time and place to throw a fit. Honestly with my first born I reacted and cared about the stares that people threw my way, or the people passing by who mumble under their breath to take my kid back home so they could be in peace. All while trying to make it look like I am maintaining some sort of order and my son knew that I was terribly embarrassed by his behavior.  I would be frustrated while trying to maintain my cool that I didn't feel inside but wanted others to see.  But my disapproval for him was not only in my look but in my tones I would give him while talking to him which in turn made him react even worse.

As baby #2 was born I started reacting less to those stares, those people who randomly came by and mumbled something. I tried to maintain my poise and control. I still cared inside that I was affecting other shoppers but I never really reacted much to the stares anymore because I was starting to realize that my kids were acting up because of the simple fact that, well, they are kids!  It’s what they do! Just because they act up once or twice while out in public doesn't make me a bad parent and it doesn't make them a bad kid either.

By the time my daughter was born, baby #3, I had figured out that it was more effective to just stare back or even laugh (it really ticks off the people who think you need to do something to your child more than tell them to stop). I don’t care that my baby is interrupting your joyful shopping experience. If you wanted a quiet peaceful shopping trip go to a store that doesn't have toys, candy, chips or other forms of kids’ goodies being sold, you probably won’t find many toddlers and babies in there.  To react to these people like there is something you can do about the situation is rather stupid. To give into them is rather a dumb choice on the parent’s part don’t take your kid out tell them to come back at a decent hour when kids are sleeping if they want peace and quiet. I want my kids to know that though I don’t approve of fit throwing I do approve of them as a person.  I don’t want my kid to think that my image to others is more important than they are.

Trying to forcefully gain control with an on looking crowd is more difficult than most people think. You never know who is watching.  It’s either the parent that thinks you should wallop your kid in public for such behavior or you have the other someone who might at any moment call social services on you for handling a kid possibly a little too rough when you pick them up off the floor to put them in the cart. Either way you can’t win. Either choice you make is always going to displease someone looking on. So it’s easier to just face facts that you are bound to upset a person by bringing your kids out in public because chances are good  they are going to throw a fit, and if you have more than one they are probably going to do it in unison at some point.

I don’t want my kids to think they need to wonder around being perfect angels in fear that they are going to upset me and think “mom is going to ‘blow’ again because she lost control of the situation and I am embarrassing her.” I’m not saying I let my kids run amuck when shopping either but truth is I really don’t care about the stand by person who is judging my parenting choices on how I let my kids act when in public. Honestly I am not in the mood to try and impress anyone when I am out trying to get shopping done if anything I am trying to have fun with my kids as much as humanly possible and I know that the fit is only temporary so why waste my whole day going back home to appease the annoyed shopper?

So to all the parents out there trying to make excuses or explain why you go shopping with your kids, don’t let the people get under your skin. Don’t let the stupid stares of people who don’t matter get to you. And if they start saying something about your child’s behavior (because lets admit there are several hundred people out there with free parenting opinions and advice for you) comment back. It doesn't have to be mean, but hey if they are being rude to you it’s o.k to stand up for yourself, and your kid(s). The world is full of people around every corner judging your every move, don’t let the people who don’t mean a thing to you or your kids impact the way you are or make you feel guilty for needing a shopping trip to get groceries, or clothes, or toys or just out because you needed out of the house.

When your kid is 18 you are going to still look at them with that proud parent glance and you won’t even remember the tantrums they might have thrown in the middle of Target. And those people who were annoyed, if they make you think you are ruining their day remember your kid isn't ruining their day; their day was already ruined before you entered it so don’t let them fool you. Don’t let those people ruin your fun filled day with their opinion that in the end doesn't matter. Have fun with your kids and stop being embarrassed for your kid doing what is only natural for kids to do.   

Give Jesus a Shot

About 6 1/2 years ago I left what is know as the "Christian church." I blatantly decided I had personally endured more than enough of this whole church thing for the rest of my life. I knew what the Bible said, I believe in Jesus and I knew the answers to many of the theological debates. But I had no use for the Christian church, the people in it or the way they lived. So I left.
For about 3 years I became a ChrEster (Christmas and Easter) Christian. I attended got dressed up and even enjoyed being around family for the day. But other than that my life was pretty much living the way I wanted without church on Sundays, Wednesdays or any other day of the week when people felt the need to tell me I should attend some sort of 'Christian group.'
I often heard the, "well you know so much, especially since you were a pastors daughter, you know you should be in church." Or, "well maybe you should give church another try. My church is amazing." My typical response, depending on who it was, usually ended in a not too subtle definitely no! I had no desire what-so-ever to ever step foot in a church again. The people there drove me nuts. The way they talked, the way they told me how to act and what I should and shouldn't do, the way they pretended that life was fine and Jesus was their everything and then they would go home and take a Prozac to keep them from falling apart. I just didn't get it. I didn't get the reasoning behind it all. Church, in my eyes, was a place full of hypocrites, selfish people with secret agenda's and fakes. I personally couldn't handle fake, I do real and I decided it wasn't for me. Jesus could be my friend without being around those people that seemed overly judgmental and critical of my life but not of their own. I had been hurt, in many different ways by the church and some of it was pretty hard core. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't risk the pain of enduring the church again.
While I had distanced myself away from the church there were times when I felt God tugging on my heart but I ignored it. I didn't want to go back to church, besides I was living in WI where I knew the man I was getting married and pretty much no one else and I didn't know of a good church to go too. I could have come up with a million reasons why I didn't go to church but bottom line, I wanted seriously  nothing to do with anyone who said they belonged to a church.
For me the invites to church were just annoying. They bugged me and irritated me beyond belief seeing as I felt most Christians were not true to their words. And I like most people who leave the church felt myself walking further and further away from the people who called themselves "Christians." I walked away for many different reason the more I knew of someones faith, but mainly it was because I didn't want to go back to the life of having to pretend that everything was o.k. I didn't want to put on a face every Sunday morning and pretend that each day I was happy with God or with the way He was allowing things to go in my life along with being surrounded by other hypocrites it just wasn't something I was willing to do. I was a straight shooter. I loved wine, and other drinks, I loved to smoke and I loved to do a bunch of stuff that lets face it, the church doesn't really appreciate. I didn't want to be forced to give up those habits for God. I didn't ever feel like they were wrong, I felt like they were sins that man created, not God.
Now, this post is not to Dog on Christians so hang on. I am not saying I still think this way. Obviously I don't seeing as I am involved in my church and bring my children there and they love it and I love it and my husband loves it. So waht happened? What made me give church another shot?
Nothing! Nothing made me want to give church another shot. I gave Jesus a shot! I knew my life was not what I wanted it to be nor was it headed even close to that direction. I didn't give the church a shot I gave Jesus a shot. See people who are not walking in the faith, aren't going to church don't need to be told time and time again to 'try church." Or, "all churches are full of hypocrites get over it and come back." What they need to hear isn't anything about your church. Trust me those people know that church is there, the building and the people. What they don't know is how to walk in it and not feel judged. They don't know how to walk in it and feel loved and they definitely don't know how to walk in it and see all the screwed up people in the church with the love of Jesus.
When talking with someone who has left the church or doesn't go to church tell them to give Jesus a shot. The church is not what is going to save them. The church of Christ is set up to be the help along side of them that they need to grow in their walk with Christ. I am not saying someone can't get saved from walking into a church and hearing a sermon where God speaks to them.  What I am saying is that there are several people out there, much like I was, who don't want to step into a church because they have been in one for years and even attended different ones and always found the people to be about the same and always felt alone.
Inviting someone to your church is a nice gesture, but a nicer gesture would be to witness to them about your Jesus and your faith in Him. It's not your churches job or your pastors job or your small group leaders job to witness to them, it is your job. Offer those people a chance to see Jesus, to meet Jesus and to claim Him as their own friend.
The difference of why I was able to walk back into church a little over three years ago wasn't because I found this amazing life changing church where people were not the way I had remembered; it was the fact that when I walked in, knowing Jesus love, I was able to see people through different eyes. And just when I would start to complain to Him about 'His people," I would always get the gentle reminder, "I love them just as much as I love you." And trust me there have been days where I have questioned Him, fought with Him and had many tears over problems with 'His church.' But, it makes it way easier to walk into church every week knowing that it's not my job to find the faults of others, or to find whether their hearts are sincere or fake. My  job is to show love to all, Christians and none Christians alike. I am to have the love of Christ flowing through me and to be patient and caring not just with the people who aren't in my Christian family but especially to those who are in my Christian family. I am to not judge but leave the judgement of each person up to Christ.
And yes the church is stacked full of hypocrites,I am no exception. We all know the rules, we all know what God wants for us but we all are also given a choice. A choice God calls free will. There are countless times were we take the option that is not right. We join in on a conversation we know we shouldn't be a part of, or we make the decision to open our mouth and be rude instead of keeping silent and showing grace. It doesn't make them a bad person or less of a Christian when they do the wrong thing, it makes them; forgiven, loved and saved by grace the same as I am.
So the next time you feel like inviting someone to church and asking them to 'try it out,' remember that person has a reason they haven't stepped foot in your church. Instead, try just talking to them about Jesus, not about your church. There might not be anything wrong with the church you attend but they might not be able to see that through unloved eyes. Only when we experience the love of Christ fully upon us can we see people with love like no other. If you can show them by being living proof of what it means to be loved and forgiven they are more likely to want to know Jesus on their own. They will become more likely to want what you have; peace, love, joy, gentleness, self-control, grace and mercy. Though you may not be all those things all the time the fact that they can see Christ through you is going to be more interesting to them than just an offer to come check out your church.
 Stop offering to pray for them and offer to pray with them. Stop inviting them to see all their faults (trust me they know about them) and offer to show them Jesus who forgives and wipes clean all their wrongs. And do the world a favor, stop offering to let them come to church with promises that it's different than they remember in hopes that the people you know don't scare them away or in hopes that the pastor is going to give a hearty sermon to change their minds to think the way you do. Offer them Jesus. Offer them the God of the universe with the ability to see what true forgiveness and freedom to live means. Don't ask them to give church another shot; Ask them to give Jesus a shot! HE WILL NOT LET THEM DOWN!

My Big Brother

I have two older brothers. They were awesome! I can’t always say they thought I was awesome to have around as the annoying little sister, but to me they were and still are awesome! They defended me all the time while growing up, and though I am sure I did not have them completely wrapped around my finger when I was little I am sure they loved me. There was absolutely no question in my mind, my older brothers loved me, wanted the best for me and defended me, ALWAYS!

I remember many occasions when my oldest brother, Dan, would not only defend me but seemed to protect me. There was the time when I was in school I had just started 7^th grade and there was this boy in my class who was nothing shy of being a typical hormonal 7^th grade boy. My brother happened to walk by just in time to see him doing something stupid and say something to me. Without stopping to think about it my brother picked him up and slammed him into a locker, held him there and told him he was to never catch him treating me that way again! He made him apologize and then let him down. Yah to some it was probably a scary scene. To me it was AWESOME! I had been scared of the boy and close to tears, I was now standing knowing I was protected, that I was loved, and that if someone wanted to mess with me, they also go to mess with my big brother! I felt confident, knowing I was safe.

On another occasion the following year my other older brother, David, did close to the same thing to another boy in my class. The guy was picking on me, and though at that age I had learned to handle my own issues with boys (yes I was the preachers daughter who would have punched him myself), my older brother David made certain I didn't have too. After all, girls shouldn't fight ;) And even though I felt less scared of this other kid that was picking on me than I had the one the year before I can say that both times my older brothers protected me from harm and proved that they loved me by defending me.

My older brothers were really the awesome, defensive, over-protective kind of brothers. They were the ones that made me feel safe, comfortable to be myself even if they didn't always like it. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that my older brothers where there for me, they loved me they would do anything for me no matter the cost. Both of my brothers risked being suspended from high school for fighting as it was strictly against the small town school rules.

I have several hundred stories I could bring up about my awesome big brothers in their defense of me. I loved the fact that I felt so protected. I felt protected from people outside my family and I even felt protected from my family at times. Home life back then was not a cake walk and there were several times my older brothers took the brunt of a punishment from my father for me so I wouldn't get into trouble. Don’t get me wrong my brother’s weren't perfect.  They still picked on me much like older brothers do and they still ratted me out at times.  But, no matter how much they may have wanted to pick on me I knew when they were around I was safe, I was loved and I was always being looked out for!

I am very grateful for my brothers. Many times I hear that people relate God to the way that they see their earthly father. Honestly I am no exception. I grew up with a dad who was strict and had a heavy dose of anger management issues which was never pleasant. Much of my early life I remember being so scared of my dad when he was home. I was scared for him to call my name out of fear that I would have done something wrong again to deserve a punishment.

 I can honestly say I have a hard time not relating God to the same type of mannerisms. Though I know He is a God of grace and mercy many times I still fear Him thinking He’s just sitting up there waiting for me to screw up one more time. I have the worst time ever picturing God the Father as this calm, relaxed guy wanting to cuddle me and whisper my worst nightmares away.  Most times I see Him as a moody individual, I am sure He isn’t, but at the same time that is how my mind processes. I have read parts of the old testament where God gets angry with people for screwing up again and again and then He opens the earth and swallows them in it. Or the time when the Israelite's complained about the food He was giving them so he caused many of them to die after eating meat that he provided for them. You see there are times in the Bible that God seems so loving and friendly to some and to others, not so much. I think because I spent a few months studying out these chapters this is where I picked up a healthy dose of fear of what God was capable of doing to anyone He wished (including me) add that to the fact that naturally we seem to relate our view of God to our earthly fathers and we have a case for what you may call a very scared little girl.

The cool thing is God was awesome enough to give me these two big brothers to be shining examples. You see I relate Jesus to my big brothers. The protector, the one who defends me, the one who looks out for me always even when I am doing something obnoxious.  He is the one who defends me, even when the Father may be getting a heated collar. He sees me and says,” Yah she is screwing up, but don’t forget Father I paid her price already.” You see no matter how I see God or picture Him to be on days when I feel like I just might have pushed God over the edge; I know that Jesus is my big brother and He’s there protecting me, standing up for me and taking the brunt.

In God’s eyes I am also his daughter, just like Jesus is His son. When Jesus died He wiped the slate of my wrong doings clean. So even when I do something that deserves punishment Jesus is up there saying,” I am here to defend her; I am here because she is mine to defend. I love her and I took her punishment she is forgiven.” And just like when I was scared in school or when my dad’s temper was heated and my brothers comforted me, Jesus comes and reassures me that I will be ok, that there is nothing to fear, He paid the price so I am going to be fine!

So see, even though I know many people preach a God of love, of mercy and of grace, I know God is also a God to fear but with Jesus, with Jesus I AM FREE! I am His! I am being watched out for! I am being forgiven! He is standing up for me because I am his! And that is why I can, along Jesus side, kneel before the God of the universe and not fear Him either. He is a God of love, a God of mercy and a God of grace. He sent Jesus to take our punishments that He otherwise would have to give to teach us lessons on life. He is the God who gave me two older brothers to help me understand how to comprehend the love of Jesus so I did not have to live my whole life in fear! He is the God of love, mercy and grace because He sent those things to this earth in the form of one man, Jesus, and Jesus laid down his life just so I would not have to live in fear! Jesus is the best Big Brother; He IS AMAZING!!

In His arms; I am righteous; I am made clean; I am safe!

Crash dieting spiritually- why it doesn't work

When we make the choice to become physically healthy and lose weight we decide to make a change in our lives. We make a real effort to apply ourselves to see the change. We exercise, eat healthier foods; possibly drink more water and less soda. We all know that to look good, to be healthy, and to be the size we desire takes work. We can't just wish our way there. We have to really change our ways. And then once we get to our goals we learn to keep those same habits up or we know we will lose our control again to maintain the healthy image we want so much to keep. 

Just like in being physically healthy it is also the same concept with our spiritual health. We can't just go through the day wishing our way to spiritual maturity and healthiness. We can't just sit down with the Bible and expect to automatically change the way we are. It takes practice. It takes exercising what we have learned to grow into the Christian we want to be and know we could be.  

You don't just wake up one day and go from a size 14 to a size 6 over night. You also will not go from being spiritually barely alive to ALIVE and ready to save the world! You have to work at it. You have to walk with God day in and out. You have to learn to change when He challenges areas of your life He wants changed. You can't just read a book to change that specific area and think once you are done with it 'that is that.' When you read a book, or hear a sermon that is challenging to you, you then should go home and apply it to your life. Not just that day but every day from here forth. 

Working on your spiritual life happens for most people a lot like that of their diet plans. They are in such GO GETTEM’ form that they start out with a huge bang! The big diet plan type of idea where you think “I am going to do this, starting tomorrow I am not going to eat ANY junk, I am going to work out 5 days a week and I am going to switch all my eating to nothing but health food.” Not that these plans aren't a good idea but we all know they are bound to fail. Why? Because as soon as we mess up one day of our plan we somehow in our minds are convinced that we are off track and we start to spiral backwards. The same goes with our spiritual faith. So many of us have great intentions to read the Bible every day, to swear of our bad habits and give ourselves no room for error causing us to soon fail because one day we’ll screw it up and from there we go backwards right back down the hole we came. Often times gaining back more weight on our shoulders than we had when we started. Crash Biblical dieting is bound to fail, you must take it slowly, it's not a sprint to spirituality and growth in our fatih.

Being healthy on all aspects is a journey. You make choices. You make choices to eat or not eat the 2^nd and 3^rd cupcake. You also make choices to make the same mistake you typically do over again, or you can make the choice to have some self-control and not touch the sin. Sure you can look around you and say, there are other people doing it. There are other people who are unhealthier than you too! The point is that even if there are other people doing it God is asking you to not too. The choices are simple either you do or you don't.

When we choose to go with the healthier choice we choose many times the harder option, but the most rewarding one. The unwise choice usually gives us such pleasure and satisfaction right away, like eating the 2^nd or 3^rd cup cake. It’ll taste great, no denying it! but the consequences are as follows; in an hour your tummy will hurt; in two days you will want to throw your scale out the window.  If you want to be spiritually healthy sometimes you just have to put that cupcake down, say ‘no’ and walk away so you are no longer tempted with it. And, if the platter comes back around, which we all know it will eventually do, we have to practice the art of self-control again and again and again until it’s second nature to us to just say ‘no,’ and move on without a second thought. The harder option to take is usually the best because though you don’t see the results right away with time you will see the change is happening.

Being healthy physically takes a lot of work, a lot of self control and a lot of exercise. Being healthy spiritually is really no different. We must practice our self-control, we must pray for wisdom and we must exercise our hearts and minds to beat the challenges. We must take it one day at a time setting little goals for ourselves so we don’t get overwhelmed with the end goal.  And just as when we reach our health goals physically we have to keep our same practices up. To avoid going backwards spiritually you must continue to push yourself to become stronger, never letting down your guard, always pushing forward.

Spiritual Health is not a wishful thought or even something we can get quickly over night; it’s a journey we take with Jesus through life, to become all He desires for us to be for His ultimate Glory. Take the challenge! It’s time to grow and it’s worth all the pains of change.