The ruin of prom night

So it's prom season again!!! YAY! we get to see our daughters and sons go to a ball and get all dressed up for an evening to have a great time. But wait...


Are your daughters really going to think prom night was so fun in 2 weeks, a month, or in 10 years when the guy who they went with took their innocence? Is the fun and expectation of prom night going to be ruined by high school hormones?

Prom night is a great time. I loved dressing up, getting all dolled up. I still love it!

But parents, stop being so stupid! Stop encouraging your daughters to wear dresses that show way more skin than they should. When you buy that dress that is just a little too huggy, a little too low or both it encourages boys to be what we call 'boys.' They can't help it.  They are by nature attracted to the body parts your daughter owns. Boys will be boys especially when encouraged to do so.

Instead of allowing your daughter to pick a dress that is showing off just how gorgeous your daughter's body is by leaving little room for imagination, teach them to pick dresses that are flattering but not showing off their cleavage and thong lines. There are several beautiful dresses to pick from that are going to make her look just as much a princess and in many eyes even more of a princess than the girls who wear too showy of clothing.

We get upset when boys have one thing on their minds but yet as parents of daughters we don't put the reigns on what we let our daughters wear. There is no need to show that stuff off. Teach your girls to respect their own bodies, to love their curves yes, but to do so with modesty so that sex is not on the poor boys brain all night instead just enjoying each others company, laughing and showing each other real respect.

I have a little girl so I get that we want our daughters to be the bell of the ball when we help them pick out those dresses. But, when picking out those dresses lets teach them that being the bell of the ball isn't about showing it all, it's about class, dignity and self respect.

I also have two little boys and when they get older I don't want them being tempted by hormonally driven girls all over their high school who disrespect themselves thinking that getting attention because they have boobs is necessary. I get those girls will always be around and I won't be able to stop everyone but I do hope and pray my sons will find girls to take to those events who's parents respect their daughter. Girls who have learned self respect and who have been taught that being classy is about how you carry yourself and treat others, not what you wear or how quick you open you legs for a guy.

I get this whole post is probably old fashioned, annoying to many and too grandma ish. But I know for a fact that many women out there, who are in their 30's and 40's, when being open and honest will openly admit that the romances they had in high school were not something they would redo. There was no understanding of what Love and Respect really were.

 Let's teach our daughters to be the princess they are inside. Show them how to have beauty on both outside and inside. Let's teach them that it's ok to have self respect and stop teaching them the only way a woman can find any form of importance is through being excepted by the men around us finding us sexually attractive.

If you want your daughter to remain a virgin help her learn to dress to respect, not to gain attention from others so they dream of her at night when they go to bed. Teach her to not show off her sexuality but her beauty!! Stop saying you don't want evil of sex to ruin your daughter if you are going to dress her to attract attention from men all over the world. Your daughter is beautiful in those princess dresses but she is beautiful when she is in sweats and a t-shirt too.

Keep it classy people not slutty and all about a night of sex. Send your daughter off in confidence so you don't have to worry about bad things happening to her that night. Help her dress so you aren't sitting up biting your nails off in worry that she went 'too far' to say no. Teach her while she is young the real meaning of class and being a beautiful princess. Teach her it's ok to look pretty without needing to be sexy. And teach her to find men that treat her the way she deserves, with dignity and respect, not just looking for a warm body.

not a real princess

A real princess!!!

Let her enjoy life and teach her the way to live it without regrets, and limit her hurts by protecting her heart while she lives under your roof. God has charged you as parents to teach her and protect her. Let's encourage our daughters to find her real beauty!

Live or Die may Jesus be Exalted

Philippians 1: 19&20

Yes, I will rejoice, for I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayers and the provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation and hope, that I will not be put to shame in anything, but that with all boldness, Christ will even now, as always, be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.

Paul is once again writing out of Prison. The poor guy seems to always be writing to people out of prison. But Paul does not get down about his position of where he is.  He knows that all things work together for good for those who are called (Romans 8:28) He still lives with the mindset that living to serve Christ and exalt His name is the only purpose to life. 

He lives his life as a servant for Christ ( Rm 1:1 Phil 1:1). He serves Christ without fear of what others think. And to put it simply if others thought highly of him they wouldn't have been constantly finding reasons to put him in jail.

How often do you live your life every second like Paul did for the cause of exalting the name of Jesus? Often times we go into work, hide in our little cubical or section of the building and just reside there hoping no one asks us about our faith. The worst part is most of us live in fear that we are going to get fired, or going to get into some sort of trouble for being excited about sharing Jesus and lifting His name to the top of our lives.

Are you afraid to share Jesus? Do you back down when someone else comes along who says they don’t believe it? Do you have faith enough to believe that God has you in your job for a purpose far greater than to earn a measly pay check? Maybe there is only one person He has you there to share His great gift with, maybe there are 10. The point is you are wherever God has put you for more than just making money. God’s got all the money in the world to use to help you out trust me, He’s not worried about your finances the way you are.

I’m not saying stop doing your job and only shout Jesus name.  I am saying the people you work with should at least know you live to a higher standard than they do. Do you blend in with your co-workers or do you stand out as an individual who has integrity and love and kindness, never wavering, always willing to lend that helping hand. And are you the person that if someone asks you what makes you different  you would be bold enough as to share the truth of WHO makes you different.

Do you run out with faith and perseverance not caring if you get fired from your job or kicked out of a place you like going too because of Jesus? Do you keep up with the Jones’ way of living life or do you keep up with Jesus way of life?

Know this, sharing your faith with all may seem scary at first, but when you fall in love with The One who saved you from ever having to go to hell it’s time you be thankful for it!  Embrace the truths of the life and freedom you have in this knowledge.  Daily pick up your sword and shield and ask Jesus to help defeat the fear that is in your heart.  Surrender your wants and desires to Him daily. Ask him to place His wants, His desires for your life on your heart as well so that you can be a trustworthy servant like Paul.

Be bold for Jesus each day, He will overcome the fear inside of you that tells you to shrink back. If Paul could be imprisoned and beat continually and continue to be bold so that Jesus was known everywhere then so can we. We have the same Father, same Savior on our side that Paul did!

 It’s time we start using our tools given to us to be bold, be daring, BE JESUS TODAY!!!!

Whether you live or die may your purpose for each day be Jesus exalted in your life today!

What If?

What would happen if Christians lived the way God intended them to?

What if Christians were to stop being scared what others thought of them and just live Jesus day in and out?
What If Christians weren’t worried about showing too much Jesus and scaring people away instead we were worried about not showing Jesus enough and keeping people from heaven?

What if Christians were to walk the walk even at home in their private life and not just when the people of the church were there or when it suited their purpose to throw a “that was for my Jesus” to make ourselves look good?

What if Christian’s goals in doing good deeds were to make sure we were bringing glory to our Father in heaven not to our own earthly name?

What if Christians actually took the Bible seriously that when we ask the Savior of the world to enter our lives we actually change and can do all the things that we read about other Christians from “back then” do? You know like casting out demons, healing the sick, helping the lame walk and actually having enough faith to believe that we have God right with us always every second of every day and He wants to shine His glory through us Christians by performing those acts in which we have the power to do through Jesus Holy name.

What if every day Christians got up not worrying if our day was going to be full of trials but woke up with a sword and shield and ready to face our day with a smile because we know WHO wins the war and we are on His side and He is on ours?

What if Christians stopped pretending that Satan isn’t out to get them and realize he is and we need to be armed and ready to fight his fiery darts that try to catch us and scare us back into silence about our Jesus?
What if every morning Christians woke up and jumped out of bed and chose each day to live for Jesus every second of every day you were in a relationship with him including when things get busy with getting kids off to school, running those thousands of errands or even just showering and brushing our teeth?

What if Christians wake up every morning and the first thoughts of their day is a prayer given to God instead of grumbling or complaining it’s already morning and you need more sleep?

What if every morning Christians faced Satan head on being mean and reminding him of his destiny not constantly allowing him to remind us of our past?

What if Christians stopped condemning each other, talking dirty about each other and were deliberately nice to each other building one another up instead of tearing each other down? No more name calling, back bighting, gossiping or trying to make sure we look like we are better than one another.

What if Christians actually acted like Jesus being firm but honest with the people who do religion for a show instead of to help others who need to know there is a Savior just wanting to love on them?

What if Christians joined hand in hand and started a real revolution to save the world from hell?

What if Christians stopped talking about revival and pray for a revival in our own hearts to truly be 100% sold out for Christ not worrying if your other Christian friends are coming along? Not worrying if our non-Christian friends think we are crazy?

What if Christians just believed with the smallest amount of faith that we are the only light of the world many will ever see and we are the only way people are going to meet Jesus?

What if Christians lived together with only one goal in mind which is to serve and honor the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords?

What if all of these questions we could actually do and find a way to bring a GOD revival to our world?

What if the Christian world took a change to be something God honoring? Can you picture it? I can and the picture I see would be so beautiful! WE would have revival, we would have a happy Father in heaven and we would all live lives of freedom. People who see all of us unite together in the one goal would see us change the world with all the power God intended us to have and they couldn't stop us no matter how hard they tried. The world, both this world we can see and the world we cannot see, would know that we are more than conquerors! The war we fight has already been WON! Let's unite together to let the world know that we KNOW this!

What if the Christian change started in you?

Are you ready?

Are you willing?

Will you actually do it?

If you said yes you are willing to be the Christian change in this world first of all I want you to pray and just open your heart to God the Father. Let Him fully take over your soul. Surrender every piece of your life every area every selfish desire to God and give Him full reign over your life to use you as He sees fit. Ask Him to help you in the areas of unbelief and ask Him to use you to bring glory to Himself not you as a person.

After that I want to encourage you to get serious! Tell a friend, in fact tell several invite them over. Let the Joy of the Lord fill your life and erupt and overflow onto the lives of all the people you touch; your spouse, your kids, your co-workers, your church friends and anyone you come in contact with.

Jesus doesn't nor ever did condemn you

But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "let anyone of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

"No one, sir," she said.

"Then Neither do I condemn you," Jesus Declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

Notice once Jesus had made his point with everyone else that they shouldn't be so quick to judge everyone else's sins he doesn't turn back to the woman and tell her to clean up her life first and then come back to find him.

No his response was sincere, "Neither do I condemn you. Go leave your life of sin."  He doesn't switch it around say "Go leave your life of sin, and then I won't condemn you."  He doesn't condemn her even while having been caught in the act of the sin (adultery).

Jesus has no intent to make anyone ever feel condemned for the choices they have made. He wants them to feel loved, feel cherished, feel wanted.

John 3:16-17  For God so Loved the world that He gave His ONE Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son to the world to condemn the world but that the world through him might be saved.

No read those verses again and replace the word " the world" with your name


John 3:16-17  For God so LOVED (your name) that He gave His ONE Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His son to (your name) to condemn (your name) but that (your name) might be saved.


God came because He loves you, He wants you! He doesn't need you to fix yourself first before you come to Him and accept everything. He wants you to come to him sinful, dirty mess. It doesn't matter if you are an adulterous person, if you are a liar, if you have killed someone, if you have a bad temper that rages out of control. He doesn't condemn you if you are gay or straight living with your significant other and unmarried, pregnant with only God knows who's baby. Really God wants you as you are right now! Because guess what? He didn't send Jesus here to condemn you to hell for your actions but to save your from going there.

God loves you! He loves you so much! He made you in His image, he made you with a purpose and it's not to feel judged or condemned it's to be free in Him! If He wants you to change aspects of your life He will tell you He will help you and He will change your heart to wanting to change whatever He says He wants changed.

He wants to give you a clean, new heart. A fresh slate. A free spirit! He wants you so badly! Don't let the other's view points of this world smoother the truth out of you that God wants you, He made you, He is so so proud of you! He seeks to have a relationship with you to bring you life so you may have it and live it to the fullest.

When God Asks too Much

Sometimes God asks us to do things that we think are out of our ability to fulfill things that seem like they are too much for us to do alone. Sometimes God takes our willingness to serve Him and asks us to do things that make us uncomfortable, things you don't want to do. You may feel under qualified or not enough or know someone you think could do the job better.

Just remember that God knows who is the best fit for the when and where. If He has asked you to do something He knows what He is doing. Trust that He sees the big picture even when you don't.

If you feel like God is asking you to do something you don't have a heart for then ask Him to change your heart. If you are sincere about wanting to live your life committed to serving Him he will give you the abilities, the tools, the resources and the heart to succeed in what He is asking of you to fulfill for Him.

Take your fears, your worries, your troubles place them in-front of God with an open heart that says "yes Lord, I hear your calling. I will do as you say. I am worried. I am scared. But, God, I choose to trust that You will fill in the blanks where my questions of the when's, the how's and the why me's, so that I know and the world will know that You are The One leading me. I say yes to what you are asking, but You oh Lord My God, You have to lead me through this, you have to be my guide for I am blind to each coming step. I have a heart that is willing but a mind Lord that can't comprehend or fathom the picture and that freaks me out! So Yes, Yes Lord with my whole heart I want to follow your leading. Lord, erase my doubt, my fears and the inner most parts of me that fight against wanting to do what you ask and give me a whole new heart that desires the same things for my life that You see Father and a mind that is steadfast on the truth of your leading me."

When we are totally honest with God the Father about how we are feeling (not that He doesn't know these thoughts already) but it makes you both aware of where the starting point is. God just needs a willing soul from you and He WILL direct the rest as long as you keep surrendering each step to His Guidance.

I Am The Fake Christian

Christians are often called fake. We even call each other fake sometimes. Or say simply; "no one is that happy," or that they pretend to much. I use to be no exception to that rule. But the closer I get to God and the more I want to be like Jesus the more I realize I am turning "FAKE"  That's right I am fake 100% hard core a fake!

Now I don't mean that what I do isn't real but lets be honest, that old guy I picked up on the side of the road a few weeks back in the freezing temps I didn't personally want to do that. My human nature told me to keep going he'd be fine and I have a busy life. Trust me there was that part of me that kept going. I stopped to pick him up because I knew it was the right thing.  I made the choice. So though it seemed like I was being nice I picked him up because it was the "Jesus thing to do." That wasn't the "Bekah Kunstman thing to do."

Then there are the people in church that get under my skin that I smile at and are happy to talk to and get along with in public. That is TOTALLY FAKE! Once again I am being a FAKE! Yup the truth is that I personally most times would love to pass by the person that annoys me, ignore them to the core and give them the cold shoulder. That is the human nature side of me. But the "Jesus thing to do" is; "LOVE ONE ANOTHER AS I HAVE LOVED YOU" (John 13:34)  So what do I do, I say a prayer every week before I walk into church that the people who get under my skin secretly will see the love of Jesus shine through me, not the attitude of my selfish side this keeps me from pretending because somehow Jesus manages to come out my mouth not the thoughts I would sometimes like to speak.

The truth is that all Christians face moments of being purely fake. Well honestly most of us who want to follow after Christ have it down to being an expert at it.

Why?
It's not because we are fake, it's because deep down in the core of our soul we want to show Jesus love to everyone. It's just us trying to imitate the love of our Father. We want to make God the Father proud to call us His. We want to make Jesus name be glorified. Sometimes the fact that we are nice to someone or go out of our way to do a good deed has nothing to do with the fact that we want others to perceive us a good or nice or a wonderful Christian. We do these things because our heart is in the right spot. God knows our hearts are naturally evil but we make the choice to do the right thing because it's what God wants us to do, nothing more, nothing less.

So, when other people may say I am a fake, have at it! You are RIGHT ON! I am a fake! I am the one who tries to imitate Christ, not my human nature side which means I am a fake.

I want to be a blessing to others not because it's easy for me to do, I do it because Jesus would want me to do that and wants me to be a light to the world around me. The only way I can be a true light in this dark world for Him is to choose to do the right thing, let His goodness shine through my actions. I choose to make the choice to be nice, to be friendly, to go out of my way and help out the person who can't return the favor so that hopefully they can see a glimpse of Jesus. I want them to see The One who I want running my heart even on the days when I feel frustrated, or depressed or hurt.

Are you a fake? Do you come across to others as fake and hate that they think of you that way because you know deep down that you love Jesus and all you want is to let others see Him through your actions even on a bad day? It's o.k! Join the crowd, be a fake. But Be real in your fakeness. Don't let other people destroy your journey of your life of faith just because they think you are fake.

The truth is we all have the human nature side in us, the selfish side, the side that wants us to do things that are wrong and for ourselves more than others. Stick to your Faith in being fake! Don't just be a fake in front of your Christian friends be a fake everywhere! Especially in places where it's the hardest. In the grocery store you can be a fake, in the church you can be a fake, in your home you can be a fake! Be a fake by making the choice to choose showing the love of Jesus to everyone because it makes the Heavenly Father happy with you.

Remember that just because you make the right choice because it makes God happy doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you look more like Jesus (who may I remind you is the person we are called as Christians to imitate Ephesians 5:1). Making the choices to go against human nature makes you stronger than the person who does things because they are selfish and looking for personal worldly pleasure.

So if you ever get called fake, be excited! There is a good chance you are showing the love of Christ even when most people know it's easier to make the other choice. You did the right thing by choosing to react in a way that is loving and Christian not in a way that is natural for the world to do.

The world will only know Jesus if we strive to show His love through our actions to all.

15Rules for Building a Strong Marriage

My husband and I have been married a little over 6 1/2 years. And though that is not a long time to many in the lines of marriage I do believe there is still something to be said for what we have learned in the last 6 1/2 years of being bound together.

Last night we were on a date and I started thinking about all the things we do that I love that help keep us bound together so figured I would put the list together. It's nothing new for many to hear but some things some of us need to be reminded of.


1) Marry your best friend! Even on the days when marriage is tough Matt is still the one I want to talk to about everything, even if it's a pit in the marriage.

2) Make sure you agree on a few facts before you say the big 'I Do'
             a) Your faith in Jesus Christ. You both must be equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14) This is the bond and foundation that will keep your marriage stronger than you can imagine through the best and worst of circumstances.
             b) The number of kids you would like to have. I have seen plenty of marriages get into a frenzy because after they were married the wife realizes that the hubby dearest doesn't want any children. (this could happen the other way around too) To add to that make sure you talk about forms of how you would discipline your child. You don't want to find out that one of you believes in spankings while the other one believes it's a form of child abuse (that could end badly)
             c) Money. Before you get married I highly recommend taking a course on finances together and being blatantly honest with each other about your own money habits and those that you see in your spouse. My husband and I do our money together. Everything we do we talk over with each other, bills, shopping. Yes I even tell him about the little $2 thing I get because he's going to find out about it any way when we sit down together to do the bills and check book balancing. I hide nothing when it comes to spending and he does the same. This keeps us on the same page of where we are financially from month to month. If one of you is better than the other at keeping track of bills make sure that person is in charge of it but always do it together so you end on the same page. It saves in arguments, TRUST ME!

   -Remember you won't agree on everything but these three things I believe are something that you should have with similar priorities.

3) Date EACH OTHER!! Even after you are married make it a priority. My husband and I have had issues with this for many different reasons but the two main reasons have been financial and the fact that when babies are babies you have to find baby sitters and people to watch your child so you can go out not always easy.  When we didn't have money or a baby sitter we would do date nights together at home after the baby(s) were in bed. Meaning a nice snack night with some wine and games or just watching a movie and cuddling. Anything that is exclusive just the two of you without the interruptions of phones and computers. Keeping it simple and romantic while staying in is sometimes the best nights. Though I love going out with my husband and dressing up for him there are times where just relaxing together at home has been the best times of getting to know him.

4) Say "I love you." It's not just an assumed you married me I know you love me kind of thing at our house we say it to each other several times a day.

5) Kiss often! My husband kisses me before he leaves for work, even if I am sleeping he wakes me up to kiss me good-bye. Any time either of us leaves the house we kiss good-bye. Any time he gets home from work we kiss. We kiss often and we don't care who is around. If I feel like leaning over and kissing him while we are in public I do it.

6) Flirt! For heavens sake be flirty and funny and exciting like you where when you were trying to get each others attention before you got married. Flirting is one of the funnest ways for me to know my husband still loves me. My personal #1 love language is physical touch. I love when he gets hands on flirty and yes we even do this in front of our kids (not too extreme). Though I am sure one day they are going complain that dad and mom hold hands and kiss and tickle each other it's ok it's good for them to see you interact and know what love is that it is NOT to be a hidden behind closed doors only kind of thing.

7) Argue. Ok so maybe some people don't like that term, you can 'disagree' if you like that term better. But be open about things that you don't agree about. You don't have to like something or go along with it just because your spouse thinks it's a good idea. Sometimes the best way to grow closer to each other is to actually have an opinion about something and share your opinion. I'm not saying an all blow out fight (though lets me honest those do happen on occasion) but argue your points of view but do so FAIRLY!! Do not be mean in your opinion. There is a difference in arguing because you have to win and arguing because you think you have a very valid point that you feel you need to get across.

8) Apologize. The words "I'm Sorry" should be said often to each other when you know you have done something wrong or said something wrong. Apologizing to your spouse can go a long way in the game of marriage.  But if you are in the right there is still an apology needed if you were a little more hot headed than you needed to be to get your point across (I may have been guilty of this during more than one or two times in my marriage)

9) Forgive. It's easy to hold onto the fact that you think you are right. But if you don't forgive your spouse for the things he/she does you are going to become bitter and cold towards them. Which this lands you in no where good. If you are having a hard time forgiving them go back to #1 If you are married your best friend you can talk about it with them. Put aside the fact that they are the one you are married too and just tell them flat out. When you value a relationship you work hard to make it work, that means keeping the air clear of all past mistakes.

10) Pray. Pray together. Pray for each other. Pray often for your marriage to stay strong and healthy. Just make sure you pray. God is the number one person in your marriage and He has more power over you both than you think.

11) Serve together. Homeless shelter, missions work, in your church somewhere just serve together. It gives you simple glimpses of each others hearts when dealing with others.

12) Learn together. I love learning new things with my husband. We spend time learning together at church and at home by listening to other sermon series or talk radio shows that are helpful for us personally. This is a great way to bond. It helps give you something deeper than every day stuff to talk about and helps you both understand how and where you can encourage each other to grow.

13) Alone time.  This is important for both in the marriage to get. You may be married to your best friend but you need your own space once in a while and so do they. Make sure there are times designated to personal space.

14) Have friends. It's important to have good friends outside of the marriage that you both respect and care for. My husband and I have a few couples that we are close with. We get a lot of our advice from them and they help to keep Matt and I encouraged in our marriage and in other areas of our life. It's important to keep these types of friendships they are the ones where much Godly wisdom will come when you may be having issues.

15) Respect. This idea goes far. Not only does the Bible say women should give it to their husbands but also it's a great tool to have in your marriage either way. You need to have respect for the people your spouse doesn't like you hanging out with, especially if they are opposite gender or they think they are a terrible influence on your marriage.
Also the way you talk about your spouse is a form of respect. When you are talking to others make sure you do not cut them down or find ways to embarrass them, it's a great way to put a huge divot in your own marriage.
Treat each other with respect in public and in private.
Part of respecting your spouse is also being honest with them. This doesn't mean being rudely honest but being honest in a loving sort of way.