The greatest of all gifts to give

Christianity today has allowed us to surrounded ourselves with the right actions, the right things to say, and the right way to make ourselves feel worth while. We focus a lot on how we can serve God. We focus on how forgiving and merciful and full of grace he is (or at least that is the lingo we use).

These things are great to focus on, but if Christ is truly reigning in our every day life then why do we focus so hard trying to convince ourselves and others of how true these traits are?
What I am saying is many of us talk a good talk, but our words are empty to our own ears, and our actions will always speak louder than our words.
So, to make sure we stay on the straight and narrow we often take classes to learn, to keep growing, and often as soon as a class ends we are full of knowledge of how things should be but do not actually put them into action on a daily basis.

Now I know I have benefited from classes and learning experiences where I strive to educate myself on what God desires of me as a person under his authority and leadership. I take classes to be encouraged and hear more of how to apply Gods word to my every day life. I've taken test to find out what my best gifts are, sought where his purpose is for me and all the details of how I could best be used with my personality to serve God. 

I have learned and taken some serious time to study with and even under a few others who have some of the same gifts and interests in learning and developing their gifts as I do.
But taking tests, and learning haven't always gotten me anywhere. I have studied and learned until I was blue in the face, to the point maybe of over doing it.

I got so caught in the mundane studying of these different gifts I have and how to best use them that I have forgotten to use the most important gift of all.
This gift is not listed in a spiritual gifts test or even in a personality test. .  It is the most important gift any of us have and yet we never list it as a gift or personally trait we have. 

When we have Jesus it is the gift we often times forget to even portray effectively. We use the term a lot and I mean a lot!! But yet, so many of us never see it as a gift, let alone our main gift. 

We have people who excel in having the gift of faith, or healing, or speaking in tongues, or prophecy, or knowledge, or wisdom, or teaching, or preaching, or hospitality, encouragement, peacemaker, or the gift of giving or maybe some claim to excel in all of these areas as  they have devoted themselves to be well trained and well versed.

 But I tell you the scripture is very clear; though you may have all these gifts if you do not have and practice and hold tight to the one that is most important you are only a cymbal, a resounding gong, you are nothing!

I Corinthians 13:1-3

"If I speak in tongues of men and if angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I posses to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."

I have been going to church a long long time. I have been taught from birth about Christianity. But I have also traveled a road where I was running away from God. And I can tell you this, no one who is great in any of the above areas mention prophecy, gifts, faith, speaking in tongues, none of those things would have ever been what made me choose to come back to have a relationship with God. The thing that brought me back wasn't Gods amazing power to give me those gifts.
What brought me back was His love! His never ending ability to love me, chase me and call me his! I was His, no matter how far I ran or how many times I pushed him away. He loved me no matter what my faults. His love, and only His ability to love me was what brought me back to my need for him to be my Savior and Lord.

All the gifts in the world won't bring people to an understanding of the love they are looking for. The only way for people to understand the type of love they are missing out on is for us to be that love to them and to everyone.
People aren't going to walk into your church knowing that is where they are to find what they are missing. That is why we are the salt of the earth, the light on a hill. (Matthew 5:13&14) We are to shine the love everywhere to help people know and see the light of the love they need and want  is something we have. But don't leave them in the dark wishing they could have your light, show them the flame can be theirs too! Give them the gift of the Love of Jesus that you posses.

We may have gifts but we need to share the most important gift God gave each of us the moment we asked Jesus to be king of our lives and that is HIS love. 

It's not something that can be forced or faked, it's not something we can talk about and claim to have and understand. It is the ability to let it spill over, to let it just flow off of you. 

When filled with God's love and using that gift as your first gift to give it will only enhance your ability, understanding and desire to use the other gifts you have been given appropriately. 

When you put the gift of love first you will never prophecy in bluntness, you will use encouraging words that will be genuine not forced or just said out of habit. Your faith will be made stronger, your ability to speak any language will be made more beautiful and any other gifts will just be made better, more sincere, less showy. 

You won't be doing those things just because they are the right things to do anymore and you get another gold star because you did another great task for Jesus (even when you didn't want too). You will be doing those things because you will want too. They will gladly flow out of your heart and soul. The fruit of the Spirit which all starts with LOVE will just happen because you are filled with the greatest love that everyone on earth is looking for. 

So as we set up our trees, greet people with those smiles and put on the "Christmas spirit" instead of being ritualistic in our actions lets just ask God to really have us focus on the real gift he gave all of us! The gift of love. Tis the season to give to all but this year, let's learn the gift and give the gift and never give up sharing the most important gift we all forget we have. Let the gift of giving that love still exist come the 1st of the year and tax season and St Patrick's day and Easter and the 4th of July and may we make 2015 a year where love was the theme of our year. The year where Christians were known for their gift of sharing Love to all the world. 

Give the gift of love.
Seek to practice it and grow it more than you would wisdom, discernment, knowledge, faith, speaking in tongues, healing or any other gift we desire to have. 

Put on love, and keep it on! May you never take it off but may it always flow from you to all!

If the Church acted like God designed

The other day my husband was reading to me from a book written by Max Lucado. Now I typically find all this author/teacher has to say very intriguing, thought provoking, and even wise. This time it was a bit different.

"there will never be a church without gossip or competition." (Max Lucado When God Whispers your name)

Now this may be a true statement, but what has me irritated is the statement itself. It is so matter of fact that it's like we as a Christian society have condoned such actions. I am even to the point of saddened that statements are made like this all the time within the body of believers. Hearing words like, "well we are only human," or "what do you expect?we aren't all perfect," or one of my personal favorites, "all women gossip in some shape way or form, it's just part of who we are." All of these types of statements have become the norm to hear in our generation about the church. 

Yet I can't help but know that making statements like that sadden's God's heart. He has given us His Spirit of righteousness through His Son! We are to act differently than the rest of the world because our purpose in life has changed with the acceptance of the Holy Spirit. 

Ephesians 4:21-24

 Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.

So why am I so perplexed  if I find this statement from Max Lucado to be true? Because this statement is so true and many others similar to it we risk running off fellow believers because we are not doing what we were designed to do as united followers of Christ.

We are told in scripture to confront people (siblings in Christ) who are in sin. (Matt 18:15; Luke 17:3; Gal 6:1 James 5:19&20) 

If the people within the church did exactly what the Bible said to do instead of sweeping things under the rug and trying to ignore the dysfunction we wouldn't have a church were gossip is excepted as the norm, or hidden agendas, or politics. 

No, if we did what the Bible said as in confronting a brother or sister living in a sinful way and nip it all in the butt we actually would have the church of Christ. A church where grace and love abound and everyone works with the same common goal! We wouldn't be confused when someone tries to correct us because we would know and trust they are doing it to help the body of Christ become stronger. 

But instead what we have is people who just excuse another's actions, or a group of people's actions, as though they are now just the norm that is excepted. Instead of confronting people, because let's face it that would mean we are judging someone(sarcasm here ppl), we just either pretend we are better than them because we know that they know better and are choosing to do wrong, or we join them in their sin issues coming up with whatever excuse we seem confident will fit our personal desire to join them. Or you have the worst one yet, seeing it but yet refusing to confront them because you will be seen as mean or judgmental.

And one of the most saddening parts to all of this is the leaders within the churches don't even stand up to stop it because they fear the people's reactions more than fearing God.

Wrong! So so wrong! 

The church of Christ is suppose to be a body of believers joined in one spirit with one common goal, to glorify Jesus Christ! But how can we say we are doing that if we are allowing other brothers and sisters to continue to live in sin? 

If we are one body but one part of the body is injured (deceived, infected) is it not better to help the hurt part of the body rather than to pretend it's not there. If we cover it up and ignore it we risk the infection spreading throughout the rest of the body and eventually killing the heart.

The Bible talks about the order to do things when you see a brother or sister in the wrong and it starts with confronting them alone. If they don't change then you find one or two others to go with you and if that doesn't work you bring the issue to the church elders or pastor who in turn figures out the best rout to deal with what would seem to be a very deep infection if it has become serious enough that the person needs to be brought before the church.  (Matthew 18:15-17)

The truth is we don't hold to this scripture at all! It's like we have picked and chosen which parts we want to follow and which parts we want to just ignore or find ways around them.

Here in lies the problem then, the root cause as to why the Christian church as a whole can not seem to shake free; we are allowing ourselves to stay infected and choosing to try and pretend the problems aren't there. 

So once we are willing to take action the next step can actually be the hardest one to get right. How are we suppose to confront the issue of another's sin but not come across as judging them?

 Ephesians 4:15

 "Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of the body, the church."

How to speak to your fellow Christian in love:

Step one: we have to examine our own hearts. Make sure you don't have a log in your own eye before trying to remove the speck. (Matt 7:3-5)

Step two:  make sure the sin you see in the person is actually a biblical sin, not an opinion you have formed about how something should be. If you can't back up your confrontation with scripture there is a good chance you may be jumping the gun on an opinion rather than truth.
If they have sinned against you personally make sure you have already forgiven the sin (Col. 3:13)

Step three: pray for words of wisdom to help the person. caring for part of the body is ok, scrapping the wound and leaving it there to bleed alone is not exactly helpful and can be more damaging to the body. 

No, first you confront in care, do so out of love for the sibling in Christ. Then make sure they know you are there to help them, aka offer them hope and a way to fix the problem. And then once you have offered to be the helping hand make sure to keep going there to be a friend, a true help to the body part while it heals.  Otherwise you risk letting others in the body who  may come angrily behind you and tear the wound back open and your sibling may loose site of the help that was offered. 

Typically people don't seek help even when it is offered.We often slink into the "I can do it myself" mode,or "I really don't want to bother them" mode. 

Taking care of the body is part of the Christians job! If someone in your church saw you were following  wrong doctrine or not living in a way which is Godly wouldn't you want someone to come to you and offer to help you? Most of us don't even realize we have a problem let alone know how to fix it once it is brought to our attention. But wouldn't you want someone to come along side you with a gentle touch to help you identify the problem and be there as your support system? I know I would. 

When we are the body of Christ and treat each other as equally important members to the body, it is then easier for all of us to function the way we should because we will spend less time trying to mend wounds and more time praising God together and sewing and reaping the Lords harvest!

Ephesians 4:16

 He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.

is Jesus enough?

The other day I was listening to a friend share part of her journey in life. She posed the question to herself at one point; "is Jesus really enough?" she was talking about being alone just her husband and kids after moving here a few years back and knowing no one. She started asking the question is Jesus enough to fulfill her?
I have thought long and hard over that question ever since that conversation. Of course my immediate response was "well of course." But then the more I thought about it the more I wasn't entirely sure I was being honest.
I took much satisfaction on having many things and being many things to many people.
So I started making a list of all the things I had and all the things I was apart of that made me feel complete, whole, and worth while.
After I made the list I started going through and crossing off things asking; would Jesus still be enough to fill me up without..." The car, the house, the things, even most of the people I was able to say def yes!
But then the list hit my heart, the things I hold close and care for; the ministries I am involved in, the God given gifts I've been blessed with, my kids; my husband. If I lost all those things would Jesus still be enough!? Would I still trust God and want a close relationship with him? Or do I find more satisfaction in being a wife, mother, teacher?

Though I want to say for sure "yes" I'm not sure that would be being 100% honest. Though I can agree I would still love Jesus and know he is my savior it doesn't mean I wouldn't get a little more than frustrated if I lost those things that bring "meaning" to my life.

Would Jesus really be my all in all? Is he really my everything? Or are those just pretty words I say?


I have come to one conclusion in all of this;
I may never be able to say a true yes to that but I can tell you without a doubt that God proved he loved me enough to give up everything for a relationship with me and to be honest I think that is what really matters. In return I can only hope I would be willing to do the same for Him if that was what He asked of me.

Why Thank God in Trials and Happy Moments

My second son has an issue with eating what is put before him unless it's chicken nuggets, starbursts or skittles. I have to coax and prod and encourage. But what I find so funny is that even though he hates what I put in front of him he always manages to take one bite. It's not the bite that is intriguing but his reaction to the bite.

"Thank you mommy." My son is 3 and though he really dislikes what is in front of him he always manages to say 'Thank you mommy." before taking a bite and while gagging. (no I'm not that bad of a cook my other two children typically eat fine) He eats because I tell him it will make him grow stronger and taller. Basically he eats because he has to in order to live. He eats because he knows there is usually reward (desert) for his obedience and he eats because I am looking out for his best interest to have a well balanced diet.
I have no idea really why he says thank you every time but it gets me every single time!!!

I Thessalonians 5:18 "In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." (NLT)

This verse is so hard to really do. It's easy to give thanks when the bounty is flowing and things in life are really happening that we love. But we all know it's hard to say "thank you Jesus" when life is throwing things at us we don't like. Often times if we choose to go to God at all about the situation it's to complain and sometimes rather loudly that we don't like it.

I am no different. I struggle so hard with being thankful for the things I don't get or that I do get and don't like. But, thankfully God has been working on me in this area. He really wants me to surrender all my life to Him and His control even if I don't like everything that He has planned to put into my path. 

I saw this area where I lacked quite boldly in my face and knew it was time to take care of business. So, I do what any one does seeking to please their Father, I ask Him (reluctantly mind you) to teach me to be thankful in all my circumstances, happy and unhappy ones. I did add when asking that He make the process as painless as possible.

So, as I realize I was on a real roll of being thankful and putting it into practice I was starting to get proud of myself for overcoming this obstacle of not being thankful in all things.

And then the big ol' test came.  God knocked me down. He physically knocked me down. Not even a week after I was realizing I was doing a pretty good job of being happy and content with everything and thanking Him for teaching me this process He gave me the whammy! I was down. I was physically injured. I couldn't get out of bed, and for a girl who is always on the go, always wanting to be around here kids and always busy this was not an easy thing for me to take.

I came home from the doctors where my husband ever so lovingly but sternly told me to 'go to bed, and stay in bed, and not come out of the room.' He had everything under control.

I laid in bed because really my body was so sore I didn't have the willpower to even offer to argue with the hubby. I graciously took my role of sicky, even though that is not of my nature. 

So, as I am laying in bed, staring out my window I realized this was AWESOME!! I had just been given days of nothing but me and God time. Honestly, I was in lots of pain, my chest hurt to breath any air in so I just laid and asked God to just come hear my heart. The first words I said, where...

"Thank you Jesus for this. I don't know why you have me down, I don't know why I am sick but thank you for whatever the purpose is in making me sick. I just ask that you allow me to understand the trial of illness when I am better. I trust you totally have a reason for removing me from all situations I was scheduled to be apart of for the next week."

That was really all I had energy to pray and I fell asleep. Through the next two days as I lay in bed my conversation openers with God seemed to start similarly to that prayer. Always thanking him for whatever his purpose was in my sickness.

Now, this isn't a brag on myself but a word to encourage. You see I finally understood the verse. We always focus on the first part, "Give thanks for everything." And we leave it at that. But the verse doesn't end there it goes on to say why you need to do that.

"..For this is the will of Christ Jesus concerning you." If we as Christians truly believe that everything happens for a purpose, then we need to be thankful for everything! Everything God allows to happen to us is for a reason that will bring glory to Himself and because He really does have our best interests in mind.

Just like I have to look out for the best interests of my son and his diet so he can grow and be healthy God also has to look out for us. And just like my son can be thankful for his gag-able sandwich and say thank you because he knows I will reward him for his obedience God also wants us to be thankful and be obedient in being thankful so He can openly reward us. Children who are obedient to their Father will reap a reward, even if it's just a 'atta girl!' and a proud smile.

It doesn't mean we have to like whatever trial we are going through but it does mean we just have to trust that God wrote our story and everyone else's story and the whole point of all of the stories is to bring glory to Himself. 

Our aim as Christians is to serve God so He can be glorified, so He can be made famous!

Don't think that this one time of passing the test makes me out to have conquered this huge task of being thankful.  Just the other day God asked me to do a really huge task, or what I felt was huge!

As I talked it out with a friend I knew God had purpose for the situation, I knew God was going to fix my own errors of where I hadn't listened to his voice earlier and He was still in this. 

But as I sat the night before the whole issue was fixed I heard God speaking to my heart as I openly laid it all at His feet. His calm and gentle voice was very moving; "there is one thing my daughter you have forgotten. You have forgotten to thank me for even this trial." 

Oh ya! Ooooops!!! I had! I had totally forgotten to thank God for putting me in the situation of the trial. I knew He was going to handle it. I knew He was going to show up and be my voice, I knew He was going to be my strength and yet I had felt there was just one thing missing. 

As soon as I said "thank you for this trial, no matter how big it is to me I know you will handle it and I thank you for trusting me with this job and the trial."  Those words gave me such peace in my situation I can't even explain it. 

I may not have liked what happened to me. Trust me I was gagging at the idea just like my son gags at his lunch. I may not have liked being asked to step out of my comfort zone and do something above what I thought I was capable of; but I knew there was a promise from God that He always has my best interest in mind "For I know the plans I have for you..."(Jeremiah 29:11) He had made those plans far before the world was ever created that I would be made and that this was part of the plan all along. All I needed to do was praise Him in all my circumstances because that is all He wants from us! He wants our praise, and He wants to hear us lift up His name.

Being thankful may be hard, but be thankful God gave you the trial. Be thankful God is entrusting you with this task because He wants to work through you. Be thankful God wants to use you. Be thankful no matter how much life sucks that there is a purpose for the pain or even the happy  moments.  There is purpose in pain and in joy; but we have to be thankful God has a plan for both!

Heavenly Father,
Thank you! 

Thank you for my joys! Thank you for giving me rainbows and sunshine and happy moments that make me laugh and smile.
Thank you for my trials! Thank you for giving me grace in them and for using them to make me stronger. Thank you that through trials you bring me closer to you so that I have learned to lean on you and trust you in all circumstances.

But most of all Father, just thank you for the gift of this whole beautiful life you have planned for me. I don't know my future but I know You hold it all, So thank you!

~Amen~

Heaven's Warrior Princess- It's time to rise up!

Heaven's princess warrior boot camp

Emotional
Mental
Spiritual
Physical

1) we need to be ready emotionally for any thing we may face. This does not mean we need to be emotionally shut down. On the contrary, this actually means we need too be ready to understand our emotion. We need to know how to use them and how to control them so that we can not be harmed by being led by them or letting the enemy take foothold to lead us down a path that will distract us from our mission or destroy us.
But we also need to know how to use them and understand our God given talents given us by God for our discernment (instincts) and how we can use them to control our enemies. Men do not typically have the same type of emotional intuitions, that is what helps set us apart and helps us find our need for each other.
During your training you will learn to balance them, without the use of another party.

2) we need to be prepared with sound mental clarity. Not just filled with random useless facts. We need to know our facts/truths and how to use this to our advantages. This takes both trained knowledge and wisdom to know when and how to use it to be most effective for our goals and purpose.

3) we need to be spiritually ready. This doesn't mean just memorized scripture, though that is part of it. Being spiritually ready also means being confident in who you are because of Christ and confident in who the person you were made by God to be. Being confident so much so that even if your mentor/leader tries to sway you that you would not back down. Only God himself could sway you.
(This is important especially if you know you are going to face probable martyrdom)
Being so sure of yourself but without arrogance.  when encountering others they will know and see your steadfastness and confidence. It will be inspiration and a light to some, to others it will scare them and make them fearful of you.
4) we need to be physically ready. This is just as important as the other three. We are training to face the most serious battle ever to be had. If we expect to be chosen to fight the evil we must be physically prepared. It takes strength to throw stones that matter. It takes strength to pull back a bow that is actually meant to hold an arrow that can kill. It takes strength to stand your ground. If you plan to fight not just earthly things but also the spiritual warfare you must be physically able, healthy and strong. The weak is where they strike first.
No one joins my battlefield who is not properly equipped and dressed and armed for the battle at hand.
I am armed!
I am prepared!
I am trained!
I am ready!
I am fearful of no man!
I answer to God alone!
I am the captain of the princess warriors!

Prepare yourself ladies. Only the few will stand and survive the fight as princess warriors. We are all princesses, but not everyone can be a warrior. Time to find out who you are and prepare yourself to be who God made you to be.
Others have been put here before me to train you, build you up, build me up.
They have done their job. They have succeeded! But now is the time for intense training. It is your last prepping  grounds you stand on for the battle we will fight is close and we must be ready when it arrives!
We will not be sleeping!
We will not be shaken!
We will be ready to fight!
We will be ready to win!
We are
Heaven's Princess Warriors!!!!!

Ephesians 6:10-20

Forcing God

As a Christian woman I have found myself time, and time again caught in a trap of constantly doing.

The first time I realized this after I surrendered my life back to Christ almost 4 years ago I found myself doing things because I knew that serving was what God called of us. But, truth be told I also knew that serving meant being on the front line, in the spot light, where I made it look like I was doing my part.

I backed out of ‘serving’ when I realized I was serving for the wrong reasons and with a wrong heart.

I didn't serve anywhere for a while because I was busy having babies and stuff after stuff came up. My schedule was jammed with things to do. I was still doing stuff to keep my spiritual life looking busy.

But, again there was the emptiness of the servant heart.

WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME!??!?!

And as time went on I started serving again in our church and community.

Why was I so adamant about serving? Well one, we are called to serve. But two I just wanted to be used!

You see I wanted so badly to prove to God how much I loved Him. I wanted so bad for my prayers, that God would use me in mighty ways for His kingdom, to come true.

You could say I was more or less trying to force the hand of God to use me.  I was so desperate for God to use me and to fit somewhere that I didn't care how full my schedule was to get to that point.

 I didn't care how much time I had to spend away from my babies or husband. I was in hopes of being used and finding where I fit. Many times I ignored that voice inside of me telling me to “slow down.” Because of course only Satan would tell a strong Christian woman to slow down.

That small quiet voice was right all along. And truth be told we all know it wasn't the devil trying to slow me down.

Many of us have been where I have been. Many of you reading this still are where I am at. You want God to use you so badly. You have gifts for heaven’s sake! Gifts given to you by the Most High God! Why wouldn't he want you out and about using them?

The truth is, many of us who are young moms are looking to ‘fit in a spot’ so bad that many times we don’t heed that voice that tells us to slow down. The voice that says it’s ok to take a break. We don’t listen when God says, “Time to stop teaching and just  sit, listen, enjoy!”

I’m going to be very candid with you today.  If you are serving somewhere in your church or your community and you have a young family that is showing all the signs that the life you are forming for your family to live isn’t ideal for everyone in your house;

THEN STOP!

That’s right! You need to take a break! Take a breather from serving! There will be opportunities for you to serve later. Your first ministry is to your Husband, then your kids and then others God brings to your path.

If you want God to use you so badly that your body aches for it then be still, and listen to His voice. The one that says, “it’s not your time yet.” Or “Look to your family first.”

God is using you! If you told God that you are all His and you are fully committed to serving Him wherever he asks, then you need to be content serving Him where you are! You need to be content serving Him where He has placed you! 

Your spouse needs you! 

Your kids, they need you! Yes they need you more than they do that Sunday school teacher! (Shocker I know!!!)

Now, does that mean God isn’t calling you to serve somewhere in the church or community?

Nope! I am not saying that at all.

There is a good chance though that He is going to ask you to do something that will not make you feel like you are dying inside when being pulled away from your family. He isn’t going to ask you to serve somewhere and leave your kids and husband at home upset day in and out that you are once again too busy to serve them or even be with them.

Your number one ministry is to your spouse and then your kids. If those two things are not in proper order then there is a good chance God is asking you to step back and focus on the Ministries that He has given you as your number one priority!

Don’t think that being a stay at home mom, or being a wife who stays home with her husband every night to hang out is not glorifying to the kingdom of God. God is using your marriage and your kids to reach further than you can see.

It’s time to take that break. Make room in your schedule for the people in your life who mean the most. If it is important for you to still serve then find something you can do as a family. If you want your kids to see you serving others then do something where they can actually see you doing it, not something where you walk out the door and they just know you are gone again.

We have heard the following: 

A family that serves together stays together!

A family that prays together stays together!

Here is a new one for you:

The one who serves alone is the one alone!

There is a time and a place for all your gifts to be used! Right now, God is asking you to let Him do the placement of the when’s and where’s.

Time to clear your schedules! Time to minister to those in your life God entrusted to you. The rest of your desires (the gifts and passions you are dying to use) will be fulfilled when you focus on fulfilling the first desires God placed in your heart years ago before you had that husband and those lovely kids. (remember when we had those as our hearts desires?!?!)

I am being very frank in my writing today. I am because I have been there. About 4ish months ago I heard that it was time to step back. Time to take a chill pill! Time to stop trying to force God’s hand. And I stepped back with a lot more than I thought I would ever let go of. I have to tell you friends, there is more freedom with each passing thing I gave up.

My kids, they aren’t quite so naughty ;)

Snuggle time doesn’t always seem rushed or forced because I feel there is too much else to get done.

I actually have time in my schedule to go get coffee with friends or people who actually need me!!

My house, IT’s CLEAN!

My devotion time, it happens!

My Laundry is caught up each day!!!

My husband, well he seems rather content and happy to see me and not always be on the run.

And most importantly, my relationship with God has become so full and real and transparent and wonderful that I can’t even express it all!

I actually get to sit and relax and enjoy my life because I listened to the voice of God!

I have freedom to sit on my front porch and not care as I rock away hand in hand and talk for hours with my hubby. And the best part is I don’t feel bad about it! (we refer to that time as “being old together”)

I am happy and joyful and content just knowing where I am at in life is exactly where God has placed me. 

There is nothing wrong with being still instead of constantly being out.

Time to stop forcing a way for God to use you and just enjoy the presents God has given you! 

To the suicidal

For years I have battle a past. A nasty bad past. I have felt shamed and felt beaten. I have replayed over and over again those circumstances of my past. I have become depressed and even almost to the point of revisiting my past moments of contemplating suicide.

My story I'm sharing today isn't of one to make anyone feel sorry for me but one to bring hope. I don't know why I am writing this or who it will affect or change or help or encourage. But, I am writing this in faith that my story can change even just one life tonight.

My past is messy. I have a past where life was terrible and when I say terrible it was an emotionally confusing crazy world.

I grew up in a pastors home where one would think that love and respect and proper nurturing would have been found. And though at times you could find it, there was also more points in my past of hurt, physically, emotionally and spiritually. My father may have been a pastor, but he was also human. He was a man struggling with his own hurts, his own past and it affected the way he lived his life at home. Life was a roller coaster and I don't mean full of crazy fun ups and downs. I mean it was a roller coaster of emotions never knowing if dad was going to flip a lid in a matter of minute. He could go from crazy funny to crazy off the hook yelling and hitting in seconds. There was no warning there was no way to prevent it.

I lived in a world were being molested and being abused was part of my every day life. By the time I was eight years old I attempted suicide. Yup! I was 8. And yes I remember every detail of my thoughts going on in my head.

To those of you who don't understand kids in tough situations who feel that there is no way out and you think, 'wow suicide that is wrong," or "oh poor baby you shouldn't pity yourself so much." The truth is kids like that don't pity themselves. Most of them attempt because they feel there is no way out, that their life will never get any better and that Hell itself would be a safer place than where they are at now. The fact is most of those people don't worry if you pity them or not. Most of them hold a front that you wouldn't ever know that they were going through so much pain. They hide it well.

But, to those of you who have understood my every word. Those of you who may not have those exact feelings or problems but have enough of your own to make you want to contemplate such a feet as suicide let me tell you something...


There is HOPE!  There really is. I am on the other side of that life! I am out of it! I made it! I went through hell in back in this life! I never thought I could have this life that now I do!

If you are in elementary school, middle school, high school or even out of school and think this isn't what I thought life would be like, I can't get out! Let me give you a glimpse in pictures of what life is like on the other side of your journey.

This could be your future!

I know it seems not something possible. I never thought in my wildest dreams that any dreams of having a happy family of my own was possible. I never thought I was going to live to see myself marry a man I was actually in love with. I never thought I would marry someone who would love kids and want them as much as I do. I never thought that the perfect dream in my head of a happy loving husband, kids and a beautiful home would ever really be mine!
I dreamed all those things but when I saw my reality in front of my face as I went through living my moments of hell I never dreamed that having a real shot at this kind of  life was possible.
Even after I graduated and moved out of home life seemed to just be one hell after another. And I know that terminology for some is really hard but that is truly a suicidal state of mind. We can't imagine what the Bible talks about of hell being near as bad as the pain we have experienced day in and out. The emotions that tear you inside and out to the point that you just want to escape the world in which you can't seem to even find a window to retrieve a breath of fresh air.

But trust me to those of you who have been here, are here and maybe even will face here again; There is an out! There is a way to find peace and happiness! There is hope that you can have a real life! There is a way to get out of your hole. You may not be able to escape your world you are stuck in at the moment and that knife or those bottle of pills look tempting they even look inviting. But, do not do it! There really is a life waiting for you outside of all that you are dealing with now! There is a way to a happy ending! There is a way to peace and love and joy and all the things your heart yearns for but can't seem to find in the fakeness of what seems to be surrounding you.

Jesus may seem like such a scape goat but in all honesty His presents and Spirit are bigger than the problems you face! I hated Jesus for the longest time! I Truly thought that God wanted nothing more than to laugh at me. When I was younger I use to ask Him if he created me just to have someone to poke fun of and laugh at and get in trouble and send His wrath too!

It wasn't till I was in my mid 20's that I actually met the real God. I knew him before that but I didn't really want him around. I perceived him so wrong! I even asked him about my hurts and pains from my past. He walked me through patiently step by step to teach me who he really is. (this process has taken years but he has been with me every step of the process)

This is what I have found:

1) God is love- really He is way bigger than I could ever imagine and His love goes further than I could ever imagine. He loves me even when I have told him time and time again to go away.  He loves me even though I have sworn at Him, blamed him for my past and criticized his lack of ability to stop those horrific things from happening to children, to women and to other innocents and weaker species. He loved me no matter how angry I got at Him and he repetitively found ways to show me that.

2) God wants me!  Oh yah! To a girl who thought no one would ever want her or need her or like her ever that was something BIG!  Since I thought I was created to be the laughing stalk of the universe I never once put to thought before that God actually wanted me! Now I can quote you a ton of Bible verse but in all honesty that isn't going to help many of you who are in the low of the low.  So I am talking to you from a personal experience sort of way. First hand what I've been through.
When you are in that pit of thinking there isn't a soul who would desire to be around you, but God, he totally wants a relationship with you! He wants to hang out with you when you are depressed. He wants to hang out with you when you are crying, sassy, happy, ignorant, ugly, fat. And trust me I can say that because I was all those things. I wasn't the pretty girl in the school, I wasn't the belle of any ball at all. I was chunky, awkward and well a child. I had feelings and desires and hurts. And though day in and out those emotions still can get squashed like a bug I have learned that the God of the universe designed me because He wanted a relationship with me!
 That was cool to think that the God of the universe followed me everywhere. And though there was the part of me that argued why he never stopped the yelling, and screaming, and physical harm He made one thing super clear, HE WAS NOT HAPPY WITH THOSE PEOPLE EITHER!  He had a plan in store for them too it just was a path I was for sure happy I wasn't choosing to go down.  I realized that I wanted a relationship with this God of the universe who actually found me, the girl without hope and without a will to live, He found me irresistible to hang out with. He wanted to hang out with me. He wanted to show me exactly who He is, how big He is and what He is capable of.

3) God has a plan for it all!
 Now that may sound really patronizing at the moment to someone in the shoes of suicide but hold on. I am on the other side of this. And if the only plan God ever had through putting me through hell on earth was to share my story and save one, it was a plan I would do all over again!
Now I trust God has a bigger plan than just to affect one, but that is His business to deal with not mine. The point is that He always had a plan for every single thing that happened to me. I may only be 30 but I have seen how so many things from my past have already been to bring glory to Jesus! If i wouldn't have been through many of the things I had I would have never found myself looking for a job as far away from where I had been living. I would have never met my husband, I would have never walked the road I did, I would never have the exact three children I do now (and they are super cute and cuddly and lovable and the words, they are worth it!) The point is there was a plan to this madness all along and it wasn't to keep me in the pain forever.
God is still not done with you and He isn't done with me. He has a huge huge plan for your pain, if you will let Him deal with it. Trust me it's worth it! The whole going through the life I did with the exact people I did; I would do it all again because I know God has a way bigger plan for my past that I could have ever done with it!

Suicide isn't the answer. There is hope on the other side. There is a way to find happiness. There is a way to eventually get out. There is someone who is there in your darkest moments when you feel like there is not a soul who cares. The moments when you are being hurt that you just would rather die than continue on. There is a happy ending in store for you! Wait for it. You may be in your darkest hours but there will be light at the end of it all. Pray Jesus is there 24/7 and He will talk to you, hold you, listen to you and He can protect you from yourself!

Seriously just know there is a plan outside of your pain you just have to get to the other side. It may take one night it may take years but there is a light you have to keep trusting even when you don't get anything at all!