You ever see those overly committed parents that are
involved in everything and wonder, “How do they do it?”
You ever see that kid that grew up in such a godly,
Christian home that ran astray the moment they were given the opportunity?
These two have a ton in common. Don’t see the correlation
between the two? I do and I see it day in and day out. Too many people focus on the ministry that they
think they are called to do and forget about the first ministry in which God
has called them to serve, their family. These are the same people that are
concerned about helping other people, kids, young adults, or even grownups. They look like they are so giving of their time
to reach out and help those in need around them. What many of them do not
realize and seem to not understand is that they are also giving up their child’s
time or their spouses time, something just as precious if not more so. They are the same people that love their kids but think they have time later on in life to work on or with them.
Does this mean they were not called into this ministry in which
they are serving? No, of course it doesn't mean that. But sometimes it does
mean that God didn't ask you to jump in as far as you have. I hear a lot from
mom’s that they want their kids to see them serving to show them what it means
to be the loving example to others of Jesus. Which seriously is OK, it’s OK to
want your kids to see you serve. It’s not ok though when your kids don’t see
you at all? Or if they do see you with their eyes they learn to harden their
hearts towards you because other people’s well being and faith seem to come far
and above their own.
This may sound like gibberish to some but I’ll tell you
first hand its truth. If you focus more on the outward ministry that others can
see and not on your home ministry eventually it will come back to bite you in
the butt.
My parents were in ministry
full time, and a good portion of their kids walked away from the faith (myself
included) for periods of time, some long, some short. Does this mean my parents were terrible
parents? No, they weren't terrible parents but when you feel like you are on
the back burner compared to other’s children and even some adults you learn to
resent them, especially once you become a teen. As a child you don’t comprehend things the way
an adult does. Instead of thinking mom and dad are saints for helping people, as
a child you will start to think you have done things too wrong for your own
parents to even want to be there for you.
Or take my friends family for example, good Christian family with genuinely a good heart. The
problem was they were so busy serving in their church and community they forgot
to take the time to actually speak with their children about the importance of the
same things they were teaching other peoples kids. When their daughter wound up pregnant no one
understood why or how something like that would happen to such a nice Christian
family. The daughter was totally to blame for it all because she should
have known better, even though she felt like no one had actually been there for
her.
I am not saying we as
Christians are not called to serve outside of our house and family, the Bible
speaks very clearly we are to reach the world and help those around us. But,
there is a fine balance between serving by doing what God has called you to do
and doing more than he has called you to do. God never asks us to serve so much
that we neglect to serve our children and raise them properly. Spend time with
them, listen to them, and love on them when they are little so they have a safe
knowledge that you are there to talk to them when they are preteens and
teenagers when they need your insight the most. If you forget about them while
they are young and they feel like they are an inconvenience to you while they are
little, they are going to think they are even more of an inconvenience to you
when they hit their teen years, when they feel the most vulnerable and don’t
understand the world around them as they are growing into an adult.
Spending time serving with them or letting them see you
serve others is great. But your kids also want you to spend time serving them,
even if they can’t put those thoughts into words. By serving them that means being with them,
hanging out with just them, playing with them and even at times being the
parent and disciplining them to bring them back to teaching them to what is right
and wrong. Love on your children, they need you to constantly show them that
you care about them and their spiritual future just as much as you care about
others they see you serving.
God will never ask you to serve others so much that you can’t
seem to find time to also serve your family. if you feel like you can't find the good balance between the two ask God to give you wisdom to be able to balance out both ministries in life. Your first ministry is always going
to be your family!
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