How to effectively change others to be more like you

"Some people never change." We've all heard that line. And usually when we say it we are using it to cut someone down. But truth is they didn't change to our liking or our standards or the way we think they should. We all are constantly changing, and growing, and learning. It's called life. No matter how badly you don't like someone's choices it doesn't mean that they are a bad person or haven't changed, it just means you think they made a poor decision, yet again! Who gave you the right to decide for them what was right or wrong for them to pick?

Just because people don't do the same things exactly the way you think they should, or they don't do them to your liking doesn't mean that they are stupid and constantly making poor decisions. Maybe they have changed and the decision they made was the right one, or even if it was still the wrong one it was a better decision than what they would have picked a year ago.

I just love hearing people say that about someone and then try and tell me how nonjudgmental they are and they accept everyone for who they are. No, you don't! If you totally accepted people for who they are then you would accept them on their level and stop expecting them to reach yours. (which I might add that person may not like your decisions either.)

When you aren't judging people your mind is open, you love unconditionally and you stop thinking about how that person could change just so they can fit your liking. I love listening to the stories of how Jesus was. Now that man was nonjudgmental!  Imagine that! The man who never committed a sin and never made a wrong decision was the least judgmental of us all! This guy was sin free, yet he hung out with 'the worst of sinners," he even went and partied it up with them on a regular basis. He partied hardy with the people who needed a change the most in their lives, the people we would say make the worst kind of decisions.

Jesus didn't go to these parties to be a jerk and stand in the corner going, "oh yup that one's going to hell." or "yup that one could really use a huge life changing experience." Nope Jesus wasn't like that. Jesus mingled with them, talked to them and reached out to them on their level. I use to wonder why the Bible never went into a lot of detail outlining the talks Jesus had at those parties. But, I think it's because Jesus, being super smart, knew that actions speak louder than words. Just being at those parties, showing up and hanging out with those people on their level and not being judgmental about their lives was the most effective way Jesus could help them see the light.

Jesus never walked around those people with his nose stuck in the air slightly higher than it should be (though he did have a right if he had wanted too) telling them to watch him because he was how they should live. He didn't constantly point out where these people were flawed and where all the self-righteous people thought they could improve. He knew these people knew that stuff already! He knew that they felt judged by those people daily, adding more judgement to them would only make them stray further away from the truth of God's love for them.

Ever find if funny that some of the only people Jesus did speak straight too about how to act and change were the people who thought they were awesome in their faith, the leaders of the Jewish faith? I think it's hilarious that Jesus only felt it a necessity to speak openly and confront those people rather than the people who were 'breaking all the rules.'

It's time to stop trying to make sure everyone else changes to your liking and meet them on their level. You may be surprised to find that you may have to step up a few notches yourself to actually reach their level.  For they may not be as bad inwardly as you think they are once you take the time to really get to know them and spend time with them with an open mind and nonjudgmental heart. And even if they are as bad as you think, Jesus didn't ask us to show his 'like' to everyone, he asks us to show his love.

Jesus met you on your level, and does every day. It's time to stop judging the world around us, even fellow Christians, and allow Jesus to meet those people on their level. Showing Christ love and compassion to all on a regular basis is what we are called to do. The changing part is up to God. And even if those people never change their ways to what you think they should, doesn't mean they don't have a pure heart or that they haven't made a significant change.  It may just mean you need to let them be who they are.  If they need to change, let God do the heart convincing.  If you feel the need to truly change, then pray for them, maybe God will open your eyes to you changing your own heart on how you view them. The only way to change a person is to ask God to change the way you view them. Ask him to open your eyes to see them as he does, righteous and blameless.

Your kids should not be resting on the back burner.

You ever see those overly committed parents that are involved in everything and wonder, “How do they do it?”

You ever see that kid that grew up in such a godly, Christian home that ran astray the moment they were given the opportunity?

These two have a ton in common. Don’t see the correlation between the two? I do and I see it day in and day out.  Too many people focus on the ministry that they think they are called to do and forget about the first ministry in which God has called them to serve, their family. These are the same people that are concerned about helping other people, kids, young adults, or even grownups.  They look like they are so giving of their time to reach out and help those in need around them. What many of them do not realize and seem to not understand is that they are also giving up their child’s time or their spouses time, something just as precious if not more so.  They are the same people that love their kids but think they have time later on in life to work on or with them.

Does this mean they were not called into this ministry in which they are serving? No, of course it doesn't mean that. But sometimes it does mean that God didn't ask you to jump in as far as you have. I hear a lot from mom’s that they want their kids to see them serving to show them what it means to be the loving example to others of Jesus. Which seriously is OK, it’s OK to want your kids to see you serve. It’s not ok though when your kids don’t see you at all? Or if they do see you with their eyes they learn to harden their hearts towards you because other people’s well being and faith seem to come far and above their own.

This may sound like gibberish to some but I’ll tell you first hand its truth. If you focus more on the outward ministry that others can see and not on your home ministry eventually it will come back to bite you in the butt.  

My parents were in ministry full time, and a good portion of their kids walked away from the faith (myself included) for periods of time, some long, some short.  Does this mean my parents were terrible parents? No, they weren't terrible parents but when you feel like you are on the back burner compared to other’s children and even some adults you learn to resent them, especially once you become a teen.  As a child you don’t comprehend things the way an adult does. Instead of thinking mom and dad are saints for helping people, as a child you will start to think you have done things too wrong for your own parents to even want to be there for you.

Or take my friends family for example, good Christian family with genuinely a good heart.  The problem was they were so busy serving in their church and community they forgot to take the time to actually speak with their children about the importance of the same things they were teaching other peoples kids.  When their daughter wound up pregnant no one understood why or how something like that would happen to such a nice Christian family. The daughter was totally to blame for it all because she should have known better, even though she felt like no one had actually been there for her.

I am not saying we  as Christians are not called to serve outside of our house and family, the Bible speaks very clearly we are to reach the world and help those around us. But, there is a fine balance between serving by doing what God has called you to do and doing more than he has called you to do. God never asks us to serve so much that we neglect to serve our children and raise them properly. Spend time with them, listen to them, and love on them when they are little so they have a safe knowledge that you are there to talk to them when they are preteens and teenagers when they need your insight the most. If you forget about them while they are young and they feel like they are an inconvenience to you while they are little, they are going to think they are even more of an inconvenience to you when they hit their teen years, when they feel the most vulnerable and don’t understand the world around them as they are growing into an adult.

Spending time serving with them or letting them see you serve others is great. But your kids also want you to spend time serving them, even if they can’t put those thoughts into words.  By serving them that means being with them, hanging out with just them, playing with them and even at times being the parent and disciplining them to bring them back to teaching them to what is right and wrong. Love on your children, they need you to constantly show them that you care about them and their spiritual future just as much as you care about others they see you serving.

God will never ask you to serve others so much that you can’t seem to find time to also serve your family. if you feel like you can't find the good balance between the two ask God to give you wisdom to be able to balance out both ministries in life. Your first ministry is always going to be your family!

Dear God, I need to see you, hear you, or something!!!

Ever have those days, weeks, months where you just long to see God somewhere in your life? Those times where it seems as though He is nonexistent? It's frustrating, and makes you question God, your faith, your beliefs, everything, just wondering if it's all worth it? Or if you are just crazy?

Honestly, I started this blog posting stuff in the middle of this season of life. The feelings of questioning Him, where is He, is He around, if He is around does he really care? What happened to the girl 9 years ago that was so sure that no matter what happened there was a God who cared about me, there was a God walking beside me? For over a year now, probably closer to 2 years, I have known and believe God exists and know He is there. I started the blog more or less to find that person again from 9 years ago. I have faith that He's being quiet in this moment in my life for a reason. Is every day easy to wake up and say, "Ok God I still can't feel you, but I trust you are there so have my day." No it's not easy to wake up each morning saying that or"praise Jesus." or being thankful. To say I wake up that way every morning right now would be a lie and be being fake. I'm lucky if I wake up with that kind of spirit once a month.

I can tell you from past experience though that God is real, that He does love me, that He cares about me and that yes, I believe this time of Him being quiet in my life is more of one for me to learn and grow in my faith. I use to think this was a time He was using to make me 'prove' myself to Him.  I had walked away from my faith before and come back begging him to take me and put me together. I had done it more than once and eventually walked back away from Him every time I had come running back, caring little to not at all what He wanted from my life or cared if I was doing something that pleased Him. So to me at first this was me thinking God wanted me to 'prove' my self to Him that I was serious, that I was real about my decision to follow Him.

The difference I realized is that God hasn't been asking me to prove myself to Him for over a year, because my decision this time was on my own. I was no longer living in a world surrounded by "Christian" people I was trying to please and fit in with, meaning I had nothing to prove to God as my decision was real and directly from the heart. I was nervous as heck the first time I talked to my husband about even going back to church and finding a church home, but I did it. I knew what I needed and I knew I needed God leading my life. So to say God needed me to prove I was serious was probably way off as He knows the heart. I was broken down, lonely and thought I would be on this journey alone this time with no others around me to join. (I was wrong my hubby came with me!!)

I believe through this season God isn't asking me to do anything but keep trusting.  He doesn't expect my faith to be fake, but tried in order to make me stronger.  I also believe that this season is partially to do with where I am at in the existence of life. I have two kids under the age of 5 and one on the way. This is an exciting yet also tiring and trying time in life. It's hard to always feel God near when it's hard to find hours a day (or even two minutes) to spend praying and reading the Bible. It's hard to find ways to be spiritually rejuvenated day in and day out.

 I think many mom's in my shoes go through this at this season of their life.  Feeling that maybe God has 'forgotten about them" or doesn't care because He's got bigger things to worry about.  But, I also know that God is bigger than my understanding and mind. I know He hasn't forgotten about me. And though there may be bigger things in my eyes to worry about in this world God deals with them all in His timing and He sees each person equal and the same. He deals with each individual problem on His terms.

I can say that I do know after talking to many other mom's who have gone through the baby and toddler stage that they say they have, been there done that. Sometimes just knowing that can help me make it through another day. Just knowing that even if I can't feel God or see Him directly affecting and using my life that some day, when I am no longer sleep deprived and feeling like a hamster running in a wheel, that on the other side I will see God and how He helped me through each day that I did wake up feeling alone and without Him.

So, I have to remember to keep on trusting, even when it's hard. To keep on fighting for what I believe to be true, even if I can't feel God always next to me. I can't give up on what I believe because if I give up on it that means I didn't believe it in the first place. Believing something means that you trust it with your whole being.  It will effect the way you live, think and do all things in your life and just because you can't always prove it doesn't mean you stop believing it to be true and real.

So, even though there are many days that I can't feel God or see Him directly in my life I have learned to keep on keeping on, and holding onto the things I know to be true and real. I know what I believe, what is true even when I can't see it or feel it.

Reading through the Bible shouldn't have a deadline

“I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” Psalm 119:11

For the last year I have heard our pastor and other Godly leaders talk about reading through the Bible in a year. My husband and I diligently started working on that goal together at the beginning of the year in 2011 and made it up to about the middle of June with keeping up with the readings. I'll admit that we made it 3 months longer than I wanted to. It's not that I didn't want to read the Bible it was the simple fact that I was getting annoyed and feeling like reading it was more of a chore than a joyous way to get to know my God and Savior better.

I hate feeling like everything has to become a chore. Then when I started getting sever morning sickness I'll be honest any spare time I had went straight to sleep and on occasion praying hard for strength to get through the first months of pregnancy. The idea of reading the Bible and making sure I finished the readings every day went out the window. It wasn't that I didn't love God, or that I didn't want to know Him, the point was I was lucky to have 5 minutes of life, so I went back to what I could handle, which was a daily devotional that lasted no more than 5 minutes. I wasn't trying to put God on a back shelf or say He wasn't important I just honestly couldn't keep up with life through those months.

Through those 4 months of sever sickness with baby I obviously fell of the band wagon of getting through the Bible in a year. Then there was the guilty feeling of being a failure. How could I have not kept up with it? But then I realized, my faith was still growing; my love for God hadn't subsided or died it had actually grown. Through the little time I could manage to talk to God and read I hadn't completely lost sight of what was important. I had taken time to memorize a few extra new scriptures and found many old ones that had once been near and dear to my heart that otherwise I might not have picked up during reading the Bible through in a year.  

The problem for me with reading through the Bible in a year was not just the feeling of it being a chore to get through, but it also was like a race. I don't really think God intended us to race through the Bible just to say we have done it. Sometimes, I think God intends us to be able to read His word and study it out but it might take more than a year. I know lots of people who have read through their Bible's now and still can't tell me an good understanding of it or even tell me where half of the things they quote to me are.

 The psalmist talks about hiding God's word in your heart so you don't sin. This means you can’t just race through it to know it all and have a good knowledge of it, but you should actually take time to understand it so you know what God expects and wants of you.

I am the person that when I read the Bible for my own sake I love it when I come across something that stumps me, makes me ask questions or makes me have a new thought. However, when I have those thoughts or questions I want to be able to feel free to also stop reading and do a little more in-depth research to understand my questions or what I have read. When I was reading through the Bible and just trying to make it through in the year I never had time to go in depth with all the questions and thoughts and things that came up because I was trying to just get through the reading and then I would forget it and hardly ever get back to it to actually meditate on what God had in store for me to actually learn.

I encourage all people at some point to read through your Bible cover to cover. Start at the beginning, but don’t race your way through it. Reading through your Bible should never have a deadline, but you should have a goal to be open to letting God at any moment through anything you are reading bless your heart with new found thoughts and ideas. It may only take you a year to get through it, but it could also take you 10. Just make sure as you read through it that you are open to letting God speak to you. Don’t put a limit on when you should be finished. I find so much more joy in peace of reading the Bible with God than reading through it telling Him to hold on, or “I don’t have time for you to actually speak to me through it.”

So am I undermining what my pastor is preaching? By all means NO!! I don’t’ believe our pastor ultimately cares if you read it through in a year. I believe he is just trying to encourage all of us to make sure to be in God’s word and to spend our own personal quality time with God getting to know Him.

Reading through your Bible isn't a race, it's a destination of ending it with a better understanding of our miraculous and huge God!

Spirituality is not a competition, so get over yourself!

I have such an amazing God! Truly I believe I do. I know He loves me and I don’t have to prove it to make sure it’s true. I look around at Christians and get so upset with how many of them play the Christian version of, ‘keeping up with the Jones'.’ You know those people who want to make sure they are equal to or above the people around them, with the biggest house, car, best kids? Well I am talking about those people who do that on a spiritual level.  I am talking about the people who have to try and prove how spiritual and Godly they are by always sharing the things that they do in order to prove that they love God so much more than you and that God loves them more than you because of what they do and you should look to them for advanced spiritualness because they are superior to you in the faith.

I don’t have to ‘prove,’ my God loves me to anyone around me by the things I do, have or say. I don’t have to show how spiritual I am by pretending that everything in life is hunky dory. I don’t have to prove anything about my life to know that to God I am equal to all those around me. Just because you may own a big home, a fancy car, speak the right words, or hang out with the ‘overly spiritual’ people means that God loves you more than the next person. We are all on equal ground.

God doesn’t see the person who is a missionary in Uganda any more special than He sees you or me sitting here in the US. He doesn’t measure me up to the person that has witnessed to thousands or has a million dollars and gave more than I make in a given year to the church. Each person is blessed with different abilities, talents and situations for all sorts of reasons and He puts us in the places we need to be to reach the people he wants us to reach out too. He may only have you reach one person and to your sister a thousand and one.

What I do not understand about the Christian perspective is the constant competition that seems to be out there to see who is more holy, or more Godly than the next person.  Part of Christianity really reminds me of living in high school all over again with how we can treat one another so poorly.  We can be so thoughtless and treat each other with such superiority that we honestly start to believe that ‘we’ are the answer to everyone else’s problems and if they would just ask me, they would be so much better off spiritually.

If we take a look at what the Bible says and what Jesus says regarding this we would soon realize that these actions are not just weird, they are wrong! We are to build each other up as Christians and encourage each other. We are not to play superiority games or try and make sure everything we do is seen by everyone so they all know just how spiritual we are. Being a good Christian is doing those things, but not having to tell everyone in the world that we helped the homeless today so we get the reactions we are looking for when we do tell people that. The Bible is very straight forward about such actions of bragging about your good deeds.  In Matthew 6: 1-4 Jesus says;

“Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others.  Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.  But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

Sometimes letting someone know a good deed that is done is helpful for building them up spiritually when they are feeling down, or alone, or that there maybe is no good left in the world. Or sharing a story of how God has helped you through something is awesome, but only when it is for the cause of building up someone, not for the cause of trying to prove how spiritual we are or how much we think we need to prove God loves us. When we all remember we are all sinners on the same path to heaven, going through life together it becomes easier to just be, and not try to be something more than we are. We are all Christians, really to each other we have nothing left to prove, for we all know that we are saved by the same amount of Grace and Love that flowed down from the cross.

 As Christians our job to each other isn’t to prove how God loves us more or how He loves us at all, our job is to build each other up spiritually and to encourage one another. Our job to none believes is to try and help them understand why we are happy and free to be the way we are because of Jesus love for us and we are to share it in a giving, loving manner not with an attitude that we have a superiority complex and think we are better than them because of what we know, believe, and have.

God never intended His love to turn into a competition He intended it to be shown and given to all equally no matter of personal circumstances.

Making a real change with the new year

This is the end of a year where many of us have wishes of things to accomplish with the new year. If you are living in a rut it's time to change. This is it people you have a chance to change your way of living. This new year could be the same, be worse or be better it'll all matter on you and how you look at things. You can't change everything around you but you can change your future out look on life. No one can take the steps for you that you need to take to make the changes you want to see in yourself and there is no one but you who can decide what to do.  In order to change you must DO something.  If you don't do anything different you are never going to accomplish the dreams and goals you have for the upcoming year.
If you want to loose weight, you have to take a real step and change your eating and way of life. If you want to be happier you have to change the circumstances or the way you think. If you want to be a better person than you were in 2012 you are the only person who can make that happen. Only you have the power to make the choice to change who you are. It's a year to be serious about changing you, only then can we take the first steps to changing the world.
Time to stop blaming the world for the problems and start with the man/woman in the mirror. Change can only come by the choices we make on our own.  Yes, God will help you change, don't under estimate him, but also remember that He expects us to sometimes take the steps necessary to help change ourselves. He gives us those choices and we have to chose the right ones in order to sometimes help make our lives different. He gives us choices, and the strength to make the right ones, we just have to pick the right choice.
Let your 2013 make a difference in your life. Make this the year to look back on and say, "I really can see the difference and I like what I see."

O.K. to spoil kids at Christmas, God spoils you!

This Christmas has been way off for me this year. Between being pregnant and feeling overwhelmed with worlds events I just feel very, un-Christmas spirit like. Not the bahumbug I don't like Christmas, but just honestly not in the joy filled mood I normally am with the Christmas season. A lot of the stress I think has come from my own self doing though. I am a huge pusher of, "keeping Christ in Christmas." We all know that we want to keep Christ in Christmas that Christmas to Christians is about celebrating Jesus birth and it's all about him.  But trying to convince a 4 year old and 1 year old of this concept is something extremely hard to do at least without completely ruining their excitement.
I have thought about this for weeks and have finally come to realize that there is nothing wrong with how my children view Christmas. Why do we push 'Christ in Christmas" so much anyways? Yes it's about his birth but shouldn't we also be celebrating about His life? I mean Christ came to save the world. He was a gift He was all about bringing love, joy and peace to the world and personal sacrifice.
What if we stopped trying so hard to bring in extra "Jesus mode" and start bringing him in for real, bringing real peace, happiness, joy and love to our children. Our every day lives should be just as full of these things all year round. If we are sincere about having Jesus in Christmas then we should be sincere in showing our children Jesus all year around so when Christmas comes they don't question if when we celebrate it has something to do with Jesus.
I don't feel that Jesus is looking down and proud of me when I try so hard to push 'Christ in Christmas,' the way I see many other Christians do. I believe He gave us these little children to see things differently. There really is nothing wrong with sharing Jesus at Christmas but there is also nothing wrong with your kids being excited because they know they are going to get gifts soon, lots of yummy food, and lots of family time. If we are showing Jesus at Christmas than all these things are things that Jesus would be happy to see. He gave us these precious gifts called children, to make them happy, to show them love and yes, once in a while I think Jesus is totally on board with us spoiling them to pieces. He spoiled and still spoils us as His children on a daily basis why wouldn't He want us to show the same kind of giving and caring to our own children? I think keeping peace, love, and lots of joy in this time of year is the best way to keep Christ in Christmas.
So this year, to get out of my little funk I was in regarding the season of Christmas I stopped trying so hard to make sure my 4 year old understood that it was ALL about Jesus, not the presents. I started trying to just remind him once in a while that we get gifts and celebrate this time of year for Jesus birthday, just like when we get ready to celebrate his birthday and with celebrating birthdays there is nothing wrong with the excitement over the expectation of the gifts and fun he'll have this time of year.  I have given up the crazy notion that my 4 year old should only be excited because Jesus was born after all he is 4, and presents to him really are the fun of it all.
For now, as a parent I pray that eventually his little mind and heart will comprehend and enjoy the gift of Christmas given a long time ago. Until then the point Christ has is that we keep Christ in everything we do and say, not just in certain times of the year like Christmas.