Change myself not the church

The last couple weeks God has really been doing a work on me. I am happy about this as it has brought pure joy and happiness and contentment to my heart. I have been shown many things in my life by the grace of God but none so clear to me as in recent events of my life of how Good and how Faithful and Pure the love of God is, not just for all but for me! I am becoming a freer soul and for that I am undoubtedly grateful for his perseverance, patience and goodness.

I am normally the one who points out flaws. I point out the things that I see in others who claim to be Christians and let it eat away at my soul.  This was causing me to be sad, uncomfortable and irritable with the Christian church as a whole. I have prayed many times over this and have asked God to help me love as he loves those people with all those problems. God is good, He answers prayers, and He has definitely come to the rescue of my soul.

I have for most of my life found the negative. The heart wrenching things that annoy me about other Christians and I have put much of my focus on those things. I have come far from the happily saved person that is excited about a new life in Christ. I focus on what others do or don’t do. I focus on what seems flawed or fake about others. I have been negative, impossible to get through to and even somewhat at times  I think evil in my thoughts towards others I do not understand or think I disagree with. I managed to always justified my thoughts and actions towards these people as good and just and faithful because I thought God would surely not use those people to further his kingdom.

But how wrong was I? I knew something had to change as I could no longer stand the person I was and the person I was headed to become. I was bitter, I was rude and I was out to prove that I was right and they were wrong. I would diligently pray that God would heal me. And thankfully the prayers were not answered in the way I thought. I thought God would answer my prayers by changing the hearts and minds of the people I thought needed changing. I thought God would surely bring their issues to light to prove how ungodly those people were. But the truth was, my thoughts were evil and not of God. I did not love them in a Godly way with Christ-like love. I saw several times that God was using these individuals and I was the one sitting on the sidelines begging Him to use me for his Glory and for his kingdom. But in truth He was putting me on the sidelines until I was able to face the facts. I was the problem.´

I really was the problem. The way my heart was, my mind set the way I let myself think about everything was so far off base. Not that I was evil on purpose but I was evil because my desires were not of a loving nature. The love of God wants no one to be destroyed or humiliated. The love of God wants all people to know Him and follow him. The love of God wants people to full comprehend what it means to be loved unconditionally while being flawed. God was using those “sinners” to further his kingdom while I was sitting there begging him in hopes that one day he would use me and I would feel useful for his kingdom.

I was lost, not lost as in unsaved but lost in my way of thinking. I was lost inside myself, in my own self-worth thinking I could be the answer to save the world. Just what was God’s problem with getting the show on the road and letting me show everyone how righteous and awesome and spiritual I was? That is how I thought. In true honesty as stupid as I sounded that was the bottom line I thought I was the woman to run the show. Thankfully God is bigger than me, and no amount of me begging him to change the people I saw that annoyed me was going to convince him that he needed to use me and not them.

So after many years of me thinking I was tough stuff I really had a lot of breakthroughs. Thankfully the quiet is when God really spoke to me. I realized probably about two weeks ago that my whole thought process was wrong. God didn't use the perfect people to further the kingdom. He uses people who are real, people who have real problems, and people who are open and vulnerable to their own sin issues. These people He was using, they weren't hypocritical, they were real. They were the real deal, with real problems with real issues they knew they had but they knew that God was going to use them anyway, flawed and all. These people might not have it all together but they do have God helping them find the way to help others see the beautiful light we have in Jesus. These people accepted God’s calling of their lives trusting God to use them even though they knew they were far from perfection.

I realized through this several things. 1) I had lost my excitement for the cause of Christ. 2) I had a few things I needed to get out of the way before being allowed to be used 3) I needed to surrender my negative attitude towards other to Him 4) I had to get over myself, get out of God’s way and wait for him to find ways to use me the way he saw fit.

When was younger,( and I mean elementary aged) I remember just being all excited about Jesus and what He did by dying on the cross and raising from the dead. I wanted all my classmates and friends to go to heaven. I wanted the world to know ‘my Jesus.’ But as I grew older and started living as an adult I lost that whole excitement. I don’t know how or when it happened it just did. I replaced that excitement with AWESOMENESS! (O.K. so not really.)

 I replaced it with my own thoughts of what I thought was a good Christian and the right Christian. I started learning things about what the Bible said and what I was taught in school and in church and Sunday school and really started thinking I knew it all. As you can imagine that is a HUGE turn off to other Christians around you. Add a know-it-all to the fact that I can’t stop talking and you have a person that is annoying and not so fun to listen to about Christ-likeness and God.

But that zeal I realized I lost it. I didn't have it anymore. I went back and realized that of all things the zeal I had was not an excitement for people to know “my Jesus” anymore it was for people to know “I am awesome stuff because of all the things I know about Jesus.”  So realizing this I asked God to help me. I needed that excitement back. Thankfully He was there to bless that prayer with a “YES” and the last week and a half has been nothing but serious Godly awesomeness.

I am so excited. I would just love to talk about ‘My Jesus” again and share so much of Him with so many people. I want my friends to know that they can have their own life with ‘My Jesus!’ I want my kids to know, my family to know.  I want everyone to be in love with Jesus the way I can say I am in-love with Jesus.

He is mighty to save all! There is nothing too great that Jesus cannot break through and save you from. He is there to give peace, and healing and a great source for strength when you cannot stand alone. He is so awesome! He saves the people you think are unsaveable; the murderers, the adulterous people, the people on the street you think should be thrown into the darkest hole you can find. My Jesus is the Jesus of all people. He is more than just that story you've been told a thousand times. He is more than something to just know about. He is someone who loves unconditionally, that wants nothing more than to be a part of your life, be LORD of your life and heal your hurts, take your hand and lead you through life. Accepting Jesus to be Lord of your life doesn't mean life will be perfectly easy but it does mean He will be there to guide you through it all, make it easier and carry you through whatever you go through.

My Jesus, was awesome enough to save me then he is awesome enough to save anyone! He wants to be your Jesus, your personal Savior from your self and sin!