Finding joy in all my circumstances

Have you ever met someone that is happy all the time? The person that seems to be so happy that you would think they never had a bad day or ever had anything truly bad happen to them?  The person that is so happy that sometimes you are so jealous about their happiness and pure joy that you think it’s fake or you get irritated with them?  For me personally though I may seem irritated with someone like that, but actually it’s me being irritated with me not them. Deep down I wish I had their joy. When you ask them about their contentment they answer so honestly that they of course have bad days, and tempers and issues but you don’t believe them because they always seem so put together. But the other truth that they will tell you is the fact that they are so joyful with life in general because of the joy they get from Jesus.

For years this has bugged me. I mean truly to the depth of my core it’s bugged me. It’s almost that thought process of how come God loves them more than me that they are so content and I am not? The truth is I know Jesus, he is a part of my life isn’t he?  So why can’t I have that joy, that peace that same happiness that they have. And the answer is I can!

From the day I was born I was surrounded by “Christianity.” I pretty much grew up in a church as soon as I was brought home from the hospital. It was something I learned. I learned quickly at a very young age how to play the game. The game of pleasing my parents and the people in the church. I knew just the right things to say and do. I memorized scripture like it was nobody’s business. I had more verses memorized by the time I was in second grade than the average adult memorizes in their whole life. I was a pro at playing the game of “Christianity.” But when I looked around most of the people around me were doing the same thing. When in church on Sunday they played the part of a holy person and the rest of the week, unless surrounded by their Christian friends, they were no different than the rest of the world.  Most of them if they did have joy I found out were taking something on a regular basis to make them that way, little pills prescribed to help their anxiety, depression and other issues go away. So I went along with them all pretending on Sunday’s to be happy and full of Jesus love. I became one of the best Christian game players of them all.

But the truth of it all is that I never found the true contentment and happiness and joy that some Christians have actually shown.  It use to drive me nuts when missionaries would come to our church and talk and they were so excited and full of joy and all I was thinking was you people are nuts to be so happy you could die in the world you live in!  And then I would think things like maybe I should be a missionary so I can find that happiness too.  After all if I was a missionary then God would really love me more and give me joy. All I knew was I wanted what they had and I had no idea how on earth to get it.

After returning to the church a couple years ago and surrendering my life back to Christ it was so easy for me to start playing the game again. I got so frustrated with myself. I mean honestly I needed that real joy I craved it! On occasion I had it and in the beginning it was all real I had an inner peace most of the time. But soon playing the game took over.

  About a year ago I started meeting some lovely ladies in my church. And I mean they are lovely, not just in appearance but they have what I wanted so badly. They have the joy, that peace and they are truly content with their life. I started questioning again what it was that was so different about me to them. They were happy, their lives seemed perfect, and funny thing none of them are on drugs to make them happy.  These girls seemed to just have it all together and I LOVED IT!! Sure I can admit I was jealous of them all for being so happy, and honestly I think it was a righteous jealousy.  All of them are mommies with kids about the same ages as my little ones and at first I started thinking, oh they are so fake, no one is really that happy.  But they were, they really are that happy!  They are that joyful and they are that content with life! These are ladies that I look up to so much. They have pure Godly joy.  At first I thought yah it’s easy to have that kind of joy when your life is so perfect. But I started getting to know them. They did not have perfect lives at all they had struggles like cancer and I knew a couple of them as they went through miscarriages, something that honestly would have made me not to long ago question God and my relationship with him. But these girls still smiled and didn’t let their circumstances take away their joy.  These girls are seriously such a blessing to my life as they have shown that their joy doesn’t come in their circumstances but in the Lord. They aren’t perfect but they are real. They are the real deal and I love that I get to hang out with them all. They are the prime example to me of, “the joy of the Lord is my strength.”

The world tells me it's o.k to be negative and upset with things like my past and maybe even current circumstances I go through, but I don't want more excuses I just want pure, long lasting joy. I am still learning to keep the joy in my circumstances but I am learning also how to keep the joy no matter my circumstances.   It is not just ok to know that Jesus is there and he died for me but to embrace the fact that no matter what I do he is going to love me and accept me. But, in truth I knew this before what I also needed was to make time to have a real relationship with God.  It is really hard to know the Joy of the Lord when you don’t actually know him! I am still working on the getting to know God and trying to find joy no matter what is going on in my life or how stressful my day may appear. It’s not a fake thing anymore it’s learning to trust God knowing him and knowing that he can see me through every little detail of my day all I need to do is trust him and stay with an open communication with him.  I use to use every excuse under the sun, I have kids, when do I have time to do that? But the only way to keep a relationship strong and growing with love with anyone God or man is to work for it. If it’s really important to you to find joy you have to sometimes work for it and after a while the work doesn’t feel like work it feels more like a relaxing break you can get when talking with a friend over a cup of coffee.

Do Christians brainwash their kids?

So a while back I was sitting in a meeting with some wonderful Christian leaders and we got into a little discussion about our children and their faith. Someone said something about having children become Christians at such as young age as brain washing them and it wouldn't be sincere. I had to sit and think about it. I mean honestly it kind of makes sense to say something like that if you are trying to make little replicas of yourself.

But I’ve been thinking about this now off and on for the last few months ever since it happened because for me I need some serious clarity to my thoughts and how I really think we should be with our own children. If all I am doing is ‘brainwashing them” to believe as I do is that really right? We think of brainwashing someone like a negative thing. When in reality when you are brainwashing someone it is you repetitively insisting upon them your thoughts and beliefs in something hoping they will one day believe and think the exact same way.

So technically we brain wash our kids to learn their ABC’s right? We repeat it a thousand times and another thousand times again if we have to in order to make those letters stick.  We tell them how to count to 100 over and over and over again. Why? Because we believe that they have to know those basic facts in order to succeed at life. But, that is a belief most people have and it doesn’t go against the structure of our natural world.  The world where we don’t have to question the existence of letters and numbers and how they work because we know, after going through school ourselves, that these really are necessary to succeed in the future.

However, to me faith is the same thing. I am sure beyond a doubt of anything that my faith in God and his Son Jesus Christ is a necessity not just for this world but for all of eternity. I believe it with my whole being just as much as I believe that the ABC’s are a necessity for my children to graduate from high school and go on to succeed in their adult life some day.  So are we brain washing our kids? Call it whatever you want to but if you believe something without a shadow of a doubt aren’t you sure to try and tell not just your kids but also the world around you to convince them of the truths you know? 

 I know my children will end up making their own choices in life and what they believe in their future regarding God and Jesus I cannot control. But I can control the environment in which they are raised in so that when I get to heaven one day I do not have to be questioned by God as to why I didn’t try and raise my child with a sound Biblical background. At least I’ll know I tried my best to raise them to know God and fear and love him all at the same time.  If that is brainwashing my children then I guess that is what it is.  But to me it’s helping them grow up with a sound belief in the one thing I know as well as my ABC’s, that Jesus Christ is God and that we are to fear and respect and love him with our whole being. 

Thoughtful randomness from a 3 year old

Some days I am more stressed than others. But no matter how stressed out I may be my three year old never ceases to amaze me how sweet he is and how much the little words like thank you and I love you can mean so much and brighten up my day.

The other day I was having a pretty good day. I mean morning sickness was there and all but everything else was going pretty good.  And he says these cute random things where he is like, “mom I love you.” Or “Mom you are a good mom.”

And I’ve started to also notice his random statements like, “mom, thanks for…” he is always randomly finding something to thank me for these days. How sweet is that right? Ok so it makes me feel loved and warms my heart each time to know that he really does have thoughtful moments even so young. The random I love you’s from Alex are so much cuter to me when they aren’t put in his mind by anyone other than himself to say them. There are times I say I love you and he says “I love you too” but the times that really warm my heart are his own random thoughts.

But the other day it kind of hit me that his randomness is just what Jesus is looking for too. He doesn’t want just the “good morning, thanks for loving me please grant me a good day.”  He wants that random in the middle of the day thoughts of, “I love you.” Or “Thank you for…”  I don’t do very many random prayers that are about God they are usually about me, my family or my friends. I usually do random prayers when I read things on facebook that a friend is hurting or I hear something else and have a random prayer for that person or when I am feeling like I am getting to that breaking point as a mom and need more patients to get through my day. There is nothing wrong with praying for those things but the truth is I think sometimes God just enjoys hearing how thankful I am for His presents in my life and thankful for his love and that I love him too. There is nothing sweeter than knowing that someone loves you in return and appreciates the things big and small that you have given them and that randomly they think to tell you each day when you are least expecting it.  

Can I ever be a godly, amazing wife?

Sometimes life is just straight up hard. It’s hard to find ways to balance out the routines of life. Lately I have been really struggling with finding the balance I need for my kids and for my husband. I may be a stay at home mom but lately all I want to do is sleep, get sick and eat which makes me even more unable to motivate myself to find the perfect balance. But, even when I don’t have those things going on I have a hard time finding that perfect balance of getting stuff done, running errands, volunteering time and the like.

I know so many times I focus mostly on my kids. I worry that I need to spend more time with them. I worry that I am being too strict or too mean or sometimes too gentle. I want to find the balance in there for them and be the best mom I can be. I focus on this a lot. I read blogs, devotionals, and other people’s thoughts on good ways to be an ‘awesome’ mom to my kids.  Many times I even try to look up what the Bible says regarding children and raising them.

I know there is nothing wrong with that. But I am starting to realize that part of finding that perfect balance should also lie in finding ways to be the ‘awesome wife.’ I know since I have become a mom my poor husband many times gets put on the back burner so to speak so that I can focus my attention on being a good mom.  The reality of it is that I wouldn’t be a mom to any of my kids had I not married their father. 

Though being a mom is a super awesome and rewarding I think that being a wife could also end up being just as awesome and just as rewarding if not more so. I know God made marriage to be something so unique and special to be shared between us and yet most days I don’t even work on my marriage. I don’t look for ways to be a better wife. I don’t read blogs on marriage very often and I don’t do a ton of devotional stuff on my own to find out how to be a good wife.

I get so jealous when I hear guys talk about their wives and how awesome they think their wife is. They don’t even have to say those words there the guys that have been married for a few years and are still madly in love with their wife and know she is just straight up wonderful to them and every time they talk about her you know they think the world of her. It just oozes from their conversations whenever she comes up.  Or when reading the Bible and I read things like how Sarah was a woman of old who was a godly wife and was such a good woman, I get a little jealous but I think it’s in a good way. I don’t get that I dislike them feelings I get the, I want to be them jealousy problem. How are they so good at being a wonderful wife?  What are their secrets?  Don’t get me wrong I have heard my husband tell me thousands of times he thinks I am amazing and awesome but the truth is I know I could be so much better to him and for him than what I am.

So lately I have been searching to find ways to be more the way I think God intended me to be as a wife. I have a long way to go to be even close to some of the women in this world that I find to be godly Christian wives and great examples, but at least I think I am on the path to getting there. I have always desired to be like the woman found in Proverbs 31 but I guess I just thought it would come natural. In all honesty I know now it is going to take more than just a miraculous switch, it’s going to take a lot of work.  

There are three things I am really trying to work on remember to do to try and improve my marriage and make my husband happy and all around successful as much as I can help.

1)      Lift him up instead of tearing him down.  This means when we are in private as well as when I am discussing things about him with others. After all he is a great man and has so much talent and potential.  I am usually the one to find the faults and let him know what all of them are but instead of finding faults I need to find positives and help him work and focus on those. I am trying to encourage him in all aspects of his life.

2)      React slower. I am known for having a big mouth and a huge opinion and I am not one to usually keep it to myself for longer than a half a second.  This is far from easy for me but it’s something that I am trying to learn to do both for my life in general but also for my husband as the poor guy gets bombarded with this problem of mine more than anyone I know.

3)      When all else fails I use my children to help me out. I know that I want both of my boys to grow up and marry Godly wonderful women who adore them. So, I try to think of how I should set an example for the kind of wife they should look for in the future.

I know there are so many other ways to be a better more godly wife but this is where I start. I am not saying it’s perfect or fool proof because it’s not. But it does help to remain focused on knowing that I have set goals for myself to improve and grow in my marriage. I am hoping to some day when I die have God be proud of the legacy I left behind for other wives to follow. But, even if at the end the only person who ever cared was my husband I will still feel successful in having completed my job as his wife.

I support Chick-Fil-A

 The two angels arrived at Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gateway of the city. When he saw them, he got up to meet them and bowed down with his face to the ground. “My lords,” he said, “please turn aside to your servant’s house. You can wash your feet and spend the night and then go on your way early in the morning.”

“No,” they answered, “we will spend the night in the square.”

 But he insisted so strongly that they did go with him and entered his house. He prepared a meal for them, baking bread without yeast, and they ate. Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom —both young and old—surrounded the house. They called to Lot, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them.”

Lot went outside to meet them and shut the door behind him and said, “No, my friends. Don’t do this wicked thing. ⁸ Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them. But don’t do anything to these men, for they have come under the protection of my roof.”

 “Get out of our way,” they replied. “This fellow came here as a foreigner, and now he wants to play the judge! We’ll treat you worse than them.” They kept bringing pressure on Lot and moved forward to break down the door.

But the men inside reached out and pulled Lot back into the house and shut the door.  Then they struck the men who were at the door of the house, young and old, with blindness so that they could not find the door.

The two men said to Lot, “Do you have anyone else here—sons-in-law, sons or daughters, or anyone else in the city who belongs to you? Get them out of here,  because we are going to destroy this place. The outcry to the Lord against its people is so great that he has sent us to destroy it.”

So Lot went out and spoke to his sons-in-law, who were pledged to marry^[a] his daughters. He said, “Hurry and get out of this place, because the Lord is about to destroy the city! ” But his sons-in-law thought he was joking.

 With the coming of dawn, the angels urged Lot, saying, “Hurry! Take your wife and your two daughters who are here, or you will be swept away when the city is punished. ”

 When he hesitated, the men grasped his hand and the hands of his wife and of his two daughters and led them safely out of the city, for the Lord was merciful to them.  As soon as they had brought them out, one of them said, “Flee for your lives! Don’t look back, and don’t stop anywhere in the plain! Flee to the mountains or you will be swept away!”

 But Lot said to them, “No, my lords,^[b] please!  Your servant has found favor in your eyes, and you^[e] have shown great kindness to me in sparing my life. But I can’t flee to the mountains; this disaster will overtake me, and I’ll die.  Look, here is a town near enough to run to, and it is small. Let me flee to it—it is very small, isn’t it? Then my life will be spared.”

 He said to him, “Very well, I will grant this request too; I will not overthrow the town you speak of.  But flee there quickly, because I cannot do anything until you reach it.” (That is why the town was called Zoar. )

By the time Lot reached Zoar, the sun had risen over the land.  Then the Lord rained down burning sulfur on Sodom and Gomorrah —from the Lord out of the heavens. ²⁵ Thus he overthrew those cities and the entire plain, destroying all those living in the cities—and also the vegetation in the land.  But Lot’s wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.

 Early the next morning Abraham got up and returned to the place where he had stood before the Lord.  He looked down toward Sodom and Gomorrah, toward all the land of the plain, and he saw dense smoke rising from the land, like smoke from a furnace.

So when God destroyed the cities of the plain, he remembered Abraham, and he brought Lot out of the catastrophe that overthrew the cities where Lot had lived.

There has been a lot of controversy lately with the very blunt stance Chick Fil A has taken in regards to their belief in homosexuality. Many people seem upset by this because they believe everyone should think like them. That everyone is equal. The truth of the matter is that we are all created equal in God’s image and all sin is undoubtedly equal. However, no matter which way you look at it the Bible is very clear in many areas that Homosexuality is a sin and it is wrong! I do not support people who lie, cheat, steal and murder. I do not condone couples who live together prior to getting married ( I know a little backwards since I committed that sin huh? Thank God for forgiveness and a righting of my ways) I believe that just as I sinned by having relations with my husband prior to getting married people who sleep with someone else of the same sex also has committed a sin. Does this mean it is unforgiveable? No that is not by any means what the Christian world is saying. What we are saying is that it is a sin, one that was paid for when Jesus died on the cross. However it does not mean that we have to support homosexuals.

 I have friends who are homosexual and honestly they know I am against it but I also choose to let them make their own choices just as they let me have my own rights and beliefs. Just as I let them make their own choice because it is their life, each person has a right to disagree with someone else’s life choices and if need be, even be against them to the point of thinking it is wrong. Do we really as American’s want the punishment in the story above which is a very true story. God chose to destroy Sodom and Gomorra because of their terrible choices and all the abominations in which they were committing with each other and to others.  Do we think that we are so far high up on God’s list that we are not going to reap the consequences of our actions? God destroyed cities young and old alike because of this sin being so offensive to him.

So just because you believe that homosexuals should be allowed to do whatever they want as a normal couple I also have a right and a religious obligation to God to not support it or even defend the choices of others.  If Chick Fil A wants to not support them that is their choice and a brave one. I give them several props for being so open on the stance. I think it’s about time Christian’s stop pussy footing around about it and come right out and say what the Bible says about it. It says Jesus came to  pay for the punishment of the sins of the world and that includes homosexuality.  The old testament is very very clear that men are not to sleep with men and that women are not to sleep with women.  Leviticus 18:32 and Leviticus 20:13 are both great examples of what God says about it and he says it is “an abomination.” Verse 20 makes it very clear that they shall be put to death. God has made it very clear on how he feels about it.

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.  And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the spirit of our God. I Corinthians 6:9-11

This last verse says it all. Even though all are punishable by death when you are washed in Jesus your sins are forgiven and you become clean. 

Personally your choices are just that if you want to support it or not stand against it that is your own personal choice. But for those of us who believe it is wrong and stand against it should not be judged either for having our own beliefs, we are not saying those people should die and go to hell we are simply making a stance that we believe it is wrong.  There is nothing wrong with having a belief there is something wrong with laying down and playing dead when you believe someone is wrong just to go along with the rest of the crowed because you don’t want someone to be upset with you for not agreeing with them. Would you do the same if someone came up and started convincing people it was ok to walk around and kill whoever you felt necessary that day? Would you stand your ground that all murder is wrong or would you cave under the pressure of those around you who do not believe as you do?

I am sure there are a million people out there who would love to smack me for writing what I do. But the point is I have an opinion just as you do and I should be allowed to have my rights and opinions heard just as much as the people who don’t agree with me have their right.  So yes, I stand with Chick Fil A and if there was one around here I would go eat there all day long today!  Everyone has a right to their own beliefs and to stand their ground and make their opinions known and it’s time to stop worrying about who we offended as most of the people we offend have offended our God with their words and actions.