Shopping with your toddlers

So lately I have been seeing all these blogs about parenting letters to people who are not parents. And I am not going to lie I have indulged in a good reading of one or two of them but bottom line, they all say pretty much the same thing. They are letters to people who think they know how to control a toddler, child or baby.  They are explaining what as a parent you know and go through during your shopping process so that the person who doesn't have kids, or forgot what it’s like to have kids can get a grip.

I have been in those shoes and trust me it’s not easy being a parent.  They are right, it sucks that sometimes you have to take your little ones to the store and they are going to cry the whole cart ride through the store and mess up everyone’s evening by being too loud with their screaming and fit throwing. I guess I am a parent that normally does not indulge in thinking or caring what the other shoppers around me are thinking.

Maybe I am a bad co-shopper. I really couldn't care less if my 2 year old starts screaming for no reason while I am out. Sure I can tell him to be quiet but honestly that isn't going to work and anyone who knows anything about kids really knows that. So no matter what people say, or how long they stare at you who cares? I mean it! Really! who cares?

So your kid is embarrassing you?  Trust me, there are going to be millions of times where you are going to embarrass them, actually you probably already have they just don't voice it. My advice to parents who seem to need to have an explanation for what is happening in the store is this; MOVE ON!! Accept that this is going to happen and let your kid be a kid. I’m not saying let it get out of hand but honestly don’t get embarrassed or feel that you need to explain yourself and hopes that the onlooker is going to understand that your kid just does that sometimes because HE’S NORMAL!!!!  Your kid needs to know they are accepted and loved by you no matter where you are at, no matter who is watching and no matter what they are doing during those times.

I am a parent to three wonderful children and at some point all of them have let loose with some form of screaming fit in public and usually not in the best of circumstances. They always know the exact worst time and place to throw a fit. Honestly with my first born I reacted and cared about the stares that people threw my way, or the people passing by who mumble under their breath to take my kid back home so they could be in peace. All while trying to make it look like I am maintaining some sort of order and my son knew that I was terribly embarrassed by his behavior.  I would be frustrated while trying to maintain my cool that I didn't feel inside but wanted others to see.  But my disapproval for him was not only in my look but in my tones I would give him while talking to him which in turn made him react even worse.

As baby #2 was born I started reacting less to those stares, those people who randomly came by and mumbled something. I tried to maintain my poise and control. I still cared inside that I was affecting other shoppers but I never really reacted much to the stares anymore because I was starting to realize that my kids were acting up because of the simple fact that, well, they are kids!  It’s what they do! Just because they act up once or twice while out in public doesn't make me a bad parent and it doesn't make them a bad kid either.

By the time my daughter was born, baby #3, I had figured out that it was more effective to just stare back or even laugh (it really ticks off the people who think you need to do something to your child more than tell them to stop). I don’t care that my baby is interrupting your joyful shopping experience. If you wanted a quiet peaceful shopping trip go to a store that doesn't have toys, candy, chips or other forms of kids’ goodies being sold, you probably won’t find many toddlers and babies in there.  To react to these people like there is something you can do about the situation is rather stupid. To give into them is rather a dumb choice on the parent’s part don’t take your kid out tell them to come back at a decent hour when kids are sleeping if they want peace and quiet. I want my kids to know that though I don’t approve of fit throwing I do approve of them as a person.  I don’t want my kid to think that my image to others is more important than they are.

Trying to forcefully gain control with an on looking crowd is more difficult than most people think. You never know who is watching.  It’s either the parent that thinks you should wallop your kid in public for such behavior or you have the other someone who might at any moment call social services on you for handling a kid possibly a little too rough when you pick them up off the floor to put them in the cart. Either way you can’t win. Either choice you make is always going to displease someone looking on. So it’s easier to just face facts that you are bound to upset a person by bringing your kids out in public because chances are good  they are going to throw a fit, and if you have more than one they are probably going to do it in unison at some point.

I don’t want my kids to think they need to wonder around being perfect angels in fear that they are going to upset me and think “mom is going to ‘blow’ again because she lost control of the situation and I am embarrassing her.” I’m not saying I let my kids run amuck when shopping either but truth is I really don’t care about the stand by person who is judging my parenting choices on how I let my kids act when in public. Honestly I am not in the mood to try and impress anyone when I am out trying to get shopping done if anything I am trying to have fun with my kids as much as humanly possible and I know that the fit is only temporary so why waste my whole day going back home to appease the annoyed shopper?

So to all the parents out there trying to make excuses or explain why you go shopping with your kids, don’t let the people get under your skin. Don’t let the stupid stares of people who don’t matter get to you. And if they start saying something about your child’s behavior (because lets admit there are several hundred people out there with free parenting opinions and advice for you) comment back. It doesn't have to be mean, but hey if they are being rude to you it’s o.k to stand up for yourself, and your kid(s). The world is full of people around every corner judging your every move, don’t let the people who don’t mean a thing to you or your kids impact the way you are or make you feel guilty for needing a shopping trip to get groceries, or clothes, or toys or just out because you needed out of the house.

When your kid is 18 you are going to still look at them with that proud parent glance and you won’t even remember the tantrums they might have thrown in the middle of Target. And those people who were annoyed, if they make you think you are ruining their day remember your kid isn't ruining their day; their day was already ruined before you entered it so don’t let them fool you. Don’t let those people ruin your fun filled day with their opinion that in the end doesn't matter. Have fun with your kids and stop being embarrassed for your kid doing what is only natural for kids to do.   

Give Jesus a Shot

About 6 1/2 years ago I left what is know as the "Christian church." I blatantly decided I had personally endured more than enough of this whole church thing for the rest of my life. I knew what the Bible said, I believe in Jesus and I knew the answers to many of the theological debates. But I had no use for the Christian church, the people in it or the way they lived. So I left.
For about 3 years I became a ChrEster (Christmas and Easter) Christian. I attended got dressed up and even enjoyed being around family for the day. But other than that my life was pretty much living the way I wanted without church on Sundays, Wednesdays or any other day of the week when people felt the need to tell me I should attend some sort of 'Christian group.'
I often heard the, "well you know so much, especially since you were a pastors daughter, you know you should be in church." Or, "well maybe you should give church another try. My church is amazing." My typical response, depending on who it was, usually ended in a not too subtle definitely no! I had no desire what-so-ever to ever step foot in a church again. The people there drove me nuts. The way they talked, the way they told me how to act and what I should and shouldn't do, the way they pretended that life was fine and Jesus was their everything and then they would go home and take a Prozac to keep them from falling apart. I just didn't get it. I didn't get the reasoning behind it all. Church, in my eyes, was a place full of hypocrites, selfish people with secret agenda's and fakes. I personally couldn't handle fake, I do real and I decided it wasn't for me. Jesus could be my friend without being around those people that seemed overly judgmental and critical of my life but not of their own. I had been hurt, in many different ways by the church and some of it was pretty hard core. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't risk the pain of enduring the church again.
While I had distanced myself away from the church there were times when I felt God tugging on my heart but I ignored it. I didn't want to go back to church, besides I was living in WI where I knew the man I was getting married and pretty much no one else and I didn't know of a good church to go too. I could have come up with a million reasons why I didn't go to church but bottom line, I wanted seriously  nothing to do with anyone who said they belonged to a church.
For me the invites to church were just annoying. They bugged me and irritated me beyond belief seeing as I felt most Christians were not true to their words. And I like most people who leave the church felt myself walking further and further away from the people who called themselves "Christians." I walked away for many different reason the more I knew of someones faith, but mainly it was because I didn't want to go back to the life of having to pretend that everything was o.k. I didn't want to put on a face every Sunday morning and pretend that each day I was happy with God or with the way He was allowing things to go in my life along with being surrounded by other hypocrites it just wasn't something I was willing to do. I was a straight shooter. I loved wine, and other drinks, I loved to smoke and I loved to do a bunch of stuff that lets face it, the church doesn't really appreciate. I didn't want to be forced to give up those habits for God. I didn't ever feel like they were wrong, I felt like they were sins that man created, not God.
Now, this post is not to Dog on Christians so hang on. I am not saying I still think this way. Obviously I don't seeing as I am involved in my church and bring my children there and they love it and I love it and my husband loves it. So waht happened? What made me give church another shot?
Nothing! Nothing made me want to give church another shot. I gave Jesus a shot! I knew my life was not what I wanted it to be nor was it headed even close to that direction. I didn't give the church a shot I gave Jesus a shot. See people who are not walking in the faith, aren't going to church don't need to be told time and time again to 'try church." Or, "all churches are full of hypocrites get over it and come back." What they need to hear isn't anything about your church. Trust me those people know that church is there, the building and the people. What they don't know is how to walk in it and not feel judged. They don't know how to walk in it and feel loved and they definitely don't know how to walk in it and see all the screwed up people in the church with the love of Jesus.
When talking with someone who has left the church or doesn't go to church tell them to give Jesus a shot. The church is not what is going to save them. The church of Christ is set up to be the help along side of them that they need to grow in their walk with Christ. I am not saying someone can't get saved from walking into a church and hearing a sermon where God speaks to them.  What I am saying is that there are several people out there, much like I was, who don't want to step into a church because they have been in one for years and even attended different ones and always found the people to be about the same and always felt alone.
Inviting someone to your church is a nice gesture, but a nicer gesture would be to witness to them about your Jesus and your faith in Him. It's not your churches job or your pastors job or your small group leaders job to witness to them, it is your job. Offer those people a chance to see Jesus, to meet Jesus and to claim Him as their own friend.
The difference of why I was able to walk back into church a little over three years ago wasn't because I found this amazing life changing church where people were not the way I had remembered; it was the fact that when I walked in, knowing Jesus love, I was able to see people through different eyes. And just when I would start to complain to Him about 'His people," I would always get the gentle reminder, "I love them just as much as I love you." And trust me there have been days where I have questioned Him, fought with Him and had many tears over problems with 'His church.' But, it makes it way easier to walk into church every week knowing that it's not my job to find the faults of others, or to find whether their hearts are sincere or fake. My  job is to show love to all, Christians and none Christians alike. I am to have the love of Christ flowing through me and to be patient and caring not just with the people who aren't in my Christian family but especially to those who are in my Christian family. I am to not judge but leave the judgement of each person up to Christ.
And yes the church is stacked full of hypocrites,I am no exception. We all know the rules, we all know what God wants for us but we all are also given a choice. A choice God calls free will. There are countless times were we take the option that is not right. We join in on a conversation we know we shouldn't be a part of, or we make the decision to open our mouth and be rude instead of keeping silent and showing grace. It doesn't make them a bad person or less of a Christian when they do the wrong thing, it makes them; forgiven, loved and saved by grace the same as I am.
So the next time you feel like inviting someone to church and asking them to 'try it out,' remember that person has a reason they haven't stepped foot in your church. Instead, try just talking to them about Jesus, not about your church. There might not be anything wrong with the church you attend but they might not be able to see that through unloved eyes. Only when we experience the love of Christ fully upon us can we see people with love like no other. If you can show them by being living proof of what it means to be loved and forgiven they are more likely to want to know Jesus on their own. They will become more likely to want what you have; peace, love, joy, gentleness, self-control, grace and mercy. Though you may not be all those things all the time the fact that they can see Christ through you is going to be more interesting to them than just an offer to come check out your church.
 Stop offering to pray for them and offer to pray with them. Stop inviting them to see all their faults (trust me they know about them) and offer to show them Jesus who forgives and wipes clean all their wrongs. And do the world a favor, stop offering to let them come to church with promises that it's different than they remember in hopes that the people you know don't scare them away or in hopes that the pastor is going to give a hearty sermon to change their minds to think the way you do. Offer them Jesus. Offer them the God of the universe with the ability to see what true forgiveness and freedom to live means. Don't ask them to give church another shot; Ask them to give Jesus a shot! HE WILL NOT LET THEM DOWN!

My Big Brother

I have two older brothers. They were awesome! I can’t always say they thought I was awesome to have around as the annoying little sister, but to me they were and still are awesome! They defended me all the time while growing up, and though I am sure I did not have them completely wrapped around my finger when I was little I am sure they loved me. There was absolutely no question in my mind, my older brothers loved me, wanted the best for me and defended me, ALWAYS!

I remember many occasions when my oldest brother, Dan, would not only defend me but seemed to protect me. There was the time when I was in school I had just started 7^th grade and there was this boy in my class who was nothing shy of being a typical hormonal 7^th grade boy. My brother happened to walk by just in time to see him doing something stupid and say something to me. Without stopping to think about it my brother picked him up and slammed him into a locker, held him there and told him he was to never catch him treating me that way again! He made him apologize and then let him down. Yah to some it was probably a scary scene. To me it was AWESOME! I had been scared of the boy and close to tears, I was now standing knowing I was protected, that I was loved, and that if someone wanted to mess with me, they also go to mess with my big brother! I felt confident, knowing I was safe.

On another occasion the following year my other older brother, David, did close to the same thing to another boy in my class. The guy was picking on me, and though at that age I had learned to handle my own issues with boys (yes I was the preachers daughter who would have punched him myself), my older brother David made certain I didn't have too. After all, girls shouldn't fight ;) And even though I felt less scared of this other kid that was picking on me than I had the one the year before I can say that both times my older brothers protected me from harm and proved that they loved me by defending me.

My older brothers were really the awesome, defensive, over-protective kind of brothers. They were the ones that made me feel safe, comfortable to be myself even if they didn't always like it. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that my older brothers where there for me, they loved me they would do anything for me no matter the cost. Both of my brothers risked being suspended from high school for fighting as it was strictly against the small town school rules.

I have several hundred stories I could bring up about my awesome big brothers in their defense of me. I loved the fact that I felt so protected. I felt protected from people outside my family and I even felt protected from my family at times. Home life back then was not a cake walk and there were several times my older brothers took the brunt of a punishment from my father for me so I wouldn't get into trouble. Don’t get me wrong my brother’s weren't perfect.  They still picked on me much like older brothers do and they still ratted me out at times.  But, no matter how much they may have wanted to pick on me I knew when they were around I was safe, I was loved and I was always being looked out for!

I am very grateful for my brothers. Many times I hear that people relate God to the way that they see their earthly father. Honestly I am no exception. I grew up with a dad who was strict and had a heavy dose of anger management issues which was never pleasant. Much of my early life I remember being so scared of my dad when he was home. I was scared for him to call my name out of fear that I would have done something wrong again to deserve a punishment.

 I can honestly say I have a hard time not relating God to the same type of mannerisms. Though I know He is a God of grace and mercy many times I still fear Him thinking He’s just sitting up there waiting for me to screw up one more time. I have the worst time ever picturing God the Father as this calm, relaxed guy wanting to cuddle me and whisper my worst nightmares away.  Most times I see Him as a moody individual, I am sure He isn’t, but at the same time that is how my mind processes. I have read parts of the old testament where God gets angry with people for screwing up again and again and then He opens the earth and swallows them in it. Or the time when the Israelite's complained about the food He was giving them so he caused many of them to die after eating meat that he provided for them. You see there are times in the Bible that God seems so loving and friendly to some and to others, not so much. I think because I spent a few months studying out these chapters this is where I picked up a healthy dose of fear of what God was capable of doing to anyone He wished (including me) add that to the fact that naturally we seem to relate our view of God to our earthly fathers and we have a case for what you may call a very scared little girl.

The cool thing is God was awesome enough to give me these two big brothers to be shining examples. You see I relate Jesus to my big brothers. The protector, the one who defends me, the one who looks out for me always even when I am doing something obnoxious.  He is the one who defends me, even when the Father may be getting a heated collar. He sees me and says,” Yah she is screwing up, but don’t forget Father I paid her price already.” You see no matter how I see God or picture Him to be on days when I feel like I just might have pushed God over the edge; I know that Jesus is my big brother and He’s there protecting me, standing up for me and taking the brunt.

In God’s eyes I am also his daughter, just like Jesus is His son. When Jesus died He wiped the slate of my wrong doings clean. So even when I do something that deserves punishment Jesus is up there saying,” I am here to defend her; I am here because she is mine to defend. I love her and I took her punishment she is forgiven.” And just like when I was scared in school or when my dad’s temper was heated and my brothers comforted me, Jesus comes and reassures me that I will be ok, that there is nothing to fear, He paid the price so I am going to be fine!

So see, even though I know many people preach a God of love, of mercy and of grace, I know God is also a God to fear but with Jesus, with Jesus I AM FREE! I am His! I am being watched out for! I am being forgiven! He is standing up for me because I am his! And that is why I can, along Jesus side, kneel before the God of the universe and not fear Him either. He is a God of love, a God of mercy and a God of grace. He sent Jesus to take our punishments that He otherwise would have to give to teach us lessons on life. He is the God who gave me two older brothers to help me understand how to comprehend the love of Jesus so I did not have to live my whole life in fear! He is the God of love, mercy and grace because He sent those things to this earth in the form of one man, Jesus, and Jesus laid down his life just so I would not have to live in fear! Jesus is the best Big Brother; He IS AMAZING!!

In His arms; I am righteous; I am made clean; I am safe!