My Big Brother

I have two older brothers. They were awesome! I can’t always say they thought I was awesome to have around as the annoying little sister, but to me they were and still are awesome! They defended me all the time while growing up, and though I am sure I did not have them completely wrapped around my finger when I was little I am sure they loved me. There was absolutely no question in my mind, my older brothers loved me, wanted the best for me and defended me, ALWAYS!

I remember many occasions when my oldest brother, Dan, would not only defend me but seemed to protect me. There was the time when I was in school I had just started 7^th grade and there was this boy in my class who was nothing shy of being a typical hormonal 7^th grade boy. My brother happened to walk by just in time to see him doing something stupid and say something to me. Without stopping to think about it my brother picked him up and slammed him into a locker, held him there and told him he was to never catch him treating me that way again! He made him apologize and then let him down. Yah to some it was probably a scary scene. To me it was AWESOME! I had been scared of the boy and close to tears, I was now standing knowing I was protected, that I was loved, and that if someone wanted to mess with me, they also go to mess with my big brother! I felt confident, knowing I was safe.

On another occasion the following year my other older brother, David, did close to the same thing to another boy in my class. The guy was picking on me, and though at that age I had learned to handle my own issues with boys (yes I was the preachers daughter who would have punched him myself), my older brother David made certain I didn't have too. After all, girls shouldn't fight ;) And even though I felt less scared of this other kid that was picking on me than I had the one the year before I can say that both times my older brothers protected me from harm and proved that they loved me by defending me.

My older brothers were really the awesome, defensive, over-protective kind of brothers. They were the ones that made me feel safe, comfortable to be myself even if they didn't always like it. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that my older brothers where there for me, they loved me they would do anything for me no matter the cost. Both of my brothers risked being suspended from high school for fighting as it was strictly against the small town school rules.

I have several hundred stories I could bring up about my awesome big brothers in their defense of me. I loved the fact that I felt so protected. I felt protected from people outside my family and I even felt protected from my family at times. Home life back then was not a cake walk and there were several times my older brothers took the brunt of a punishment from my father for me so I wouldn't get into trouble. Don’t get me wrong my brother’s weren't perfect.  They still picked on me much like older brothers do and they still ratted me out at times.  But, no matter how much they may have wanted to pick on me I knew when they were around I was safe, I was loved and I was always being looked out for!

I am very grateful for my brothers. Many times I hear that people relate God to the way that they see their earthly father. Honestly I am no exception. I grew up with a dad who was strict and had a heavy dose of anger management issues which was never pleasant. Much of my early life I remember being so scared of my dad when he was home. I was scared for him to call my name out of fear that I would have done something wrong again to deserve a punishment.

 I can honestly say I have a hard time not relating God to the same type of mannerisms. Though I know He is a God of grace and mercy many times I still fear Him thinking He’s just sitting up there waiting for me to screw up one more time. I have the worst time ever picturing God the Father as this calm, relaxed guy wanting to cuddle me and whisper my worst nightmares away.  Most times I see Him as a moody individual, I am sure He isn’t, but at the same time that is how my mind processes. I have read parts of the old testament where God gets angry with people for screwing up again and again and then He opens the earth and swallows them in it. Or the time when the Israelite's complained about the food He was giving them so he caused many of them to die after eating meat that he provided for them. You see there are times in the Bible that God seems so loving and friendly to some and to others, not so much. I think because I spent a few months studying out these chapters this is where I picked up a healthy dose of fear of what God was capable of doing to anyone He wished (including me) add that to the fact that naturally we seem to relate our view of God to our earthly fathers and we have a case for what you may call a very scared little girl.

The cool thing is God was awesome enough to give me these two big brothers to be shining examples. You see I relate Jesus to my big brothers. The protector, the one who defends me, the one who looks out for me always even when I am doing something obnoxious.  He is the one who defends me, even when the Father may be getting a heated collar. He sees me and says,” Yah she is screwing up, but don’t forget Father I paid her price already.” You see no matter how I see God or picture Him to be on days when I feel like I just might have pushed God over the edge; I know that Jesus is my big brother and He’s there protecting me, standing up for me and taking the brunt.

In God’s eyes I am also his daughter, just like Jesus is His son. When Jesus died He wiped the slate of my wrong doings clean. So even when I do something that deserves punishment Jesus is up there saying,” I am here to defend her; I am here because she is mine to defend. I love her and I took her punishment she is forgiven.” And just like when I was scared in school or when my dad’s temper was heated and my brothers comforted me, Jesus comes and reassures me that I will be ok, that there is nothing to fear, He paid the price so I am going to be fine!

So see, even though I know many people preach a God of love, of mercy and of grace, I know God is also a God to fear but with Jesus, with Jesus I AM FREE! I am His! I am being watched out for! I am being forgiven! He is standing up for me because I am his! And that is why I can, along Jesus side, kneel before the God of the universe and not fear Him either. He is a God of love, a God of mercy and a God of grace. He sent Jesus to take our punishments that He otherwise would have to give to teach us lessons on life. He is the God who gave me two older brothers to help me understand how to comprehend the love of Jesus so I did not have to live my whole life in fear! He is the God of love, mercy and grace because He sent those things to this earth in the form of one man, Jesus, and Jesus laid down his life just so I would not have to live in fear! Jesus is the best Big Brother; He IS AMAZING!!

In His arms; I am righteous; I am made clean; I am safe!