Shopping with your toddlers

So lately I have been seeing all these blogs about parenting letters to people who are not parents. And I am not going to lie I have indulged in a good reading of one or two of them but bottom line, they all say pretty much the same thing. They are letters to people who think they know how to control a toddler, child or baby.  They are explaining what as a parent you know and go through during your shopping process so that the person who doesn't have kids, or forgot what it’s like to have kids can get a grip.

I have been in those shoes and trust me it’s not easy being a parent.  They are right, it sucks that sometimes you have to take your little ones to the store and they are going to cry the whole cart ride through the store and mess up everyone’s evening by being too loud with their screaming and fit throwing. I guess I am a parent that normally does not indulge in thinking or caring what the other shoppers around me are thinking.

Maybe I am a bad co-shopper. I really couldn't care less if my 2 year old starts screaming for no reason while I am out. Sure I can tell him to be quiet but honestly that isn't going to work and anyone who knows anything about kids really knows that. So no matter what people say, or how long they stare at you who cares? I mean it! Really! who cares?

So your kid is embarrassing you?  Trust me, there are going to be millions of times where you are going to embarrass them, actually you probably already have they just don't voice it. My advice to parents who seem to need to have an explanation for what is happening in the store is this; MOVE ON!! Accept that this is going to happen and let your kid be a kid. I’m not saying let it get out of hand but honestly don’t get embarrassed or feel that you need to explain yourself and hopes that the onlooker is going to understand that your kid just does that sometimes because HE’S NORMAL!!!!  Your kid needs to know they are accepted and loved by you no matter where you are at, no matter who is watching and no matter what they are doing during those times.

I am a parent to three wonderful children and at some point all of them have let loose with some form of screaming fit in public and usually not in the best of circumstances. They always know the exact worst time and place to throw a fit. Honestly with my first born I reacted and cared about the stares that people threw my way, or the people passing by who mumble under their breath to take my kid back home so they could be in peace. All while trying to make it look like I am maintaining some sort of order and my son knew that I was terribly embarrassed by his behavior.  I would be frustrated while trying to maintain my cool that I didn't feel inside but wanted others to see.  But my disapproval for him was not only in my look but in my tones I would give him while talking to him which in turn made him react even worse.

As baby #2 was born I started reacting less to those stares, those people who randomly came by and mumbled something. I tried to maintain my poise and control. I still cared inside that I was affecting other shoppers but I never really reacted much to the stares anymore because I was starting to realize that my kids were acting up because of the simple fact that, well, they are kids!  It’s what they do! Just because they act up once or twice while out in public doesn't make me a bad parent and it doesn't make them a bad kid either.

By the time my daughter was born, baby #3, I had figured out that it was more effective to just stare back or even laugh (it really ticks off the people who think you need to do something to your child more than tell them to stop). I don’t care that my baby is interrupting your joyful shopping experience. If you wanted a quiet peaceful shopping trip go to a store that doesn't have toys, candy, chips or other forms of kids’ goodies being sold, you probably won’t find many toddlers and babies in there.  To react to these people like there is something you can do about the situation is rather stupid. To give into them is rather a dumb choice on the parent’s part don’t take your kid out tell them to come back at a decent hour when kids are sleeping if they want peace and quiet. I want my kids to know that though I don’t approve of fit throwing I do approve of them as a person.  I don’t want my kid to think that my image to others is more important than they are.

Trying to forcefully gain control with an on looking crowd is more difficult than most people think. You never know who is watching.  It’s either the parent that thinks you should wallop your kid in public for such behavior or you have the other someone who might at any moment call social services on you for handling a kid possibly a little too rough when you pick them up off the floor to put them in the cart. Either way you can’t win. Either choice you make is always going to displease someone looking on. So it’s easier to just face facts that you are bound to upset a person by bringing your kids out in public because chances are good  they are going to throw a fit, and if you have more than one they are probably going to do it in unison at some point.

I don’t want my kids to think they need to wonder around being perfect angels in fear that they are going to upset me and think “mom is going to ‘blow’ again because she lost control of the situation and I am embarrassing her.” I’m not saying I let my kids run amuck when shopping either but truth is I really don’t care about the stand by person who is judging my parenting choices on how I let my kids act when in public. Honestly I am not in the mood to try and impress anyone when I am out trying to get shopping done if anything I am trying to have fun with my kids as much as humanly possible and I know that the fit is only temporary so why waste my whole day going back home to appease the annoyed shopper?

So to all the parents out there trying to make excuses or explain why you go shopping with your kids, don’t let the people get under your skin. Don’t let the stupid stares of people who don’t matter get to you. And if they start saying something about your child’s behavior (because lets admit there are several hundred people out there with free parenting opinions and advice for you) comment back. It doesn't have to be mean, but hey if they are being rude to you it’s o.k to stand up for yourself, and your kid(s). The world is full of people around every corner judging your every move, don’t let the people who don’t mean a thing to you or your kids impact the way you are or make you feel guilty for needing a shopping trip to get groceries, or clothes, or toys or just out because you needed out of the house.

When your kid is 18 you are going to still look at them with that proud parent glance and you won’t even remember the tantrums they might have thrown in the middle of Target. And those people who were annoyed, if they make you think you are ruining their day remember your kid isn't ruining their day; their day was already ruined before you entered it so don’t let them fool you. Don’t let those people ruin your fun filled day with their opinion that in the end doesn't matter. Have fun with your kids and stop being embarrassed for your kid doing what is only natural for kids to do.