I don't trust God with Everything

A little over a week ago I was blessed to be able to hang out with two very Godly Christian women. They are friends that I appreciate all the time as they are usually straight forward and they put up with my shenanigans, on many occasion even help me through some of my own personal struggles and issues. This night of hanging out with these two was no different. I had a mental break through on a few points of things but none as important as the truth of my trust in God.

It's clear that when we are a 'good Christian' we admit to trusting God with everything. But truth be told we might not. That's right you heard me, we might NOT trust God! Otherwise why would we worry, ever?!? Why would we question things so often?!?! and Why would we become grouchy when things don't go the way we thought they would?

It's easy, the truth is we trust God, just maybe not with everything. For instance I finally put into words my lack of trust in the area I have. You see when God took this little boy away with cancer that I use to nanny I learned to fear God, but it wasn't in the sense of a healthy fear of the Lord that we are told to have. No, mine was a fear of knowing that with my own children God could, if He so chose, to do the same or worse, or maybe only half as bad to my children. It freaks me out! I am not going to lie, though I don't think in my head that He is going to do that, but the fear is still there and the lack of trust also remains. But bottom line to all this, I don't trust that God doesn't have plans to harm my kids.

Putting that into words sounds almost unholy, but honestly it's freeing. My first thoughts were to never say something like that out loud because it doesn't sound "Christian." But how untrue. And then as we were talking one of my friends mentioned that how heartbroken God must be that we don't fully trust, we as in she admitted she also has issues with full trust. (I felt in good company no worries) She mentioned that if one of her children where to say that to her that she would be utterly crestfallen. And it hit me because deep down I didn't agree with that one but I do see where she is coming from so not that she is wrong. And before I sound like an uncaring mother I'll tell you why I didn't agree:

You see many times our children don't trust us! They don't say this with their words because lets face it, most of our little ones at least mine don't fully understand the word trust, so they don't use it. But, here is an example of my child not trusting me. I told my 2 year old to jump one day off something and I told him I would catch him and he wouldn't get hurt. He started crying and said 'no' and never jumped. Was my mama's heart torn in two that he didn't trust me? No, actually it wasn't because I understood that there was a reason to fear, the fear I wouldn't catch him and he would get hurt. So, instead of having him jump I gently picked him up like he was jumping softly brought him down.
Then there is an instance with my 4 year old just yesterday, he had a hang nail (which he hadn't had before) and I told him I would take care of it. He wouldn't let me touch his hand in fear that I was going to hurt him even though I told him I wouldn't. He went through the whole day moving his hand away from me not letting me touch his hand because he didn't trust my word.When the hang nail was removed and he realized it was finally gone I asked if there was pain, and he said, "nope, I didn't even know it was gone." My response, "Well, next time you should trust me." But, when I thought about it yesterday I wasn't hurt by his actions, for in the prospect that their may be pain, there is always fear. When fear is present there is a lack of trust.

I am the same way with God. Though he wants me to trust him and He tells me "I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper and not to harm, plans to give you hope and a future." Even though I know these things my heart can still see the possibility that things won't go as planned that things may fail, that even though He promises to take care of me there is still the fear of the unknown, the what if's and so on. It doesn't excuse my times of failure to reach out and trust, but to God, much like I understand my children as a parent and try to sympathize with them with their lack of trust for me, He also sympathies and understands when we fear. He knows our hearts that want to be trusting but yet have a difficult time of letting go of some things. God knows, and I believe He even understands my fears. God reaches out and helps me out both when I trust and when I don't have it 100% there. And usually that small voice speaks when He has accomplished to show me it'll be o.k with the same words I say to my sons, "well, next time you should trust me." It's not demeaning or rude or even harsh, it's just simply stated the way I would say it to my son.

So, wither you are willing to admit with your voice that you don't trust God in certain areas of your life, your actions speak just as loud to God as your words. Just like my children don't know how to say, "mom I don't trust you," their actions on both stories I mentioned above proved that they didn't believe me, they didn't trust me. Was it hurtful, no not really I am ok with the fact that my kids don't always see what I see, or comprehend the way I comprehend parts of life. God, is no different of a loving Heavenly Father, as our Heavenly parent who cares, He sees our reluctance, our movements, our lack of faith. He see's our lack of trust in Him, no matter how we try to portray to the rest of the world that we are fully a trusting Christian, He knows the truth wither you admit it or not.

But honestly, put it into words where you don't trust God, tell Him about it.  Confess it. Even though you won't be healed over night, you will be healed of your fear. God appreciates honesty from you more than pretending or saying you trust Him with it all, when He knows your heart and you deep down know the truth, you just don't quiet trust Him with everything! Trusting God with everything isn't easy to do, no matter how much someone may try to convince you that it is. God understands, He knows our fears, He knows our hearts and He knows that He is good even if we don't fully trust and comprehend that! And though I may not trust God with my kids 100% I do trust HE is GOOD and somehow no matter what He takes me through He will be exulted through it!