About 7 1/2 years ago I was on the Jersey shore after my brother's wedding hanging out with some family and one of the grooms man from the wedding. Joe, the grooms man, and I were kinda messing around near the waters edge and eventually he threw me in the water where we proceeded our fun little games not realizing what was going on around us while we were playing around. You see as we were messing around we did not realize the effects that the ocean has while the tide comes in. Eventually we realized we were way past our waists in water and out a good distance from the shore. When we realized we needed to try and get back to shore we started swimming, what happened though was because of the undertow and the tide, and all that other jazz I still don't understand about the ocean, we ended up pretty much swimming in place. I am not a strong swimmer by any means of the word. I tried for about 5 minutes to swim in place and then told Joe, "I can't do it anymore." I was out of energy. I was literally going to drown in the ocean, I couldn't do it. Then somehow he got enough strength for both of us (thankfully he had been doing lots of working out due to joining the Marines) There were rocks that came out all the way to were we were and we found ourselves close enough that he could throw me up onto them. Yes to this day I know Joe saved my life because if he wouldn't have been out there I would have given up as I had nothing left to give and I would have eventually become shark food. We both managed to get out of the ocean thanks to his strength and thankfully he had enough to get us both there.
Lately I have been doing a lot of soul searching and struggling with things. I feel like I am pretty much swimming in place with my faith and not able to get to a safe rock. I am in unfamiliar territory and feeling lost and defeated, just like I felt when I was in the ocean that I didn't know or understand what was going on around me. Last night was honestly terrible, yet beautiful all in one! I hate the feeling of being vulnerable with other Christians but it just happened I am sure it was a God thing as lately my words to him were the same as I gave to Joe when I had no more energy left to keep swimming. I told him; "I can't do it anymore." But last night was the arm that grabbed me and saved me again from the feeling of drowning.
God doesn't ask us to be alone in our little minds with the struggles we go through. He doesn't ask us to go through it alone, but he does ask us to trust Him to get us through. I got to my breaking point and He rescued me yet again, not by grabbing my hand and walking with me, but but wrapping arms of love and grace around me and picking me up and carrying me. I am such the independent, I can do it myself, type of person, but God breaks people like me so we know that we do not exist in our faith on our own, but only in His strength can we survive.
He said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
We all go through struggles, but sometimes I think God puts us through them to keep us relying on His strength and not our own. Too often I think we try to be faithful to Him on our own forgetting that He is the one who gives us our faith and any strength we have is from the Spirit not from our own abilities.
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