This is to all you Mommy's who are stressed out, overly self cynical, self-doubting, and constantly over comparing yourself to other Moms.
You need to take a breather! You need to sit down! Relax! Get off social media for a day or two! Get off pinterest! Get your head out of other people's homes! And Embrace your babies, those cute little cuddly bundles of joy that seem to be growing up faster than you can think. Stop! STOP comparing yourself to the world around you with what they think a good mom is and just be who YOU ARE!
Your kids want you to be just who you are. You see God intended YOU to be the exact parent to those specific children. Your friends, your mother, your mother-in-law, your sister, your sister-in-law; they may all be great mom's or replicas of good moms but that doesn't mean they were the right mom for your kids. If they were the right mom for your kids then God would have given them your kids and not you. It's ok to embrace who you are, to be exactly the kind of mom you want and were created to be; imperfections and all.
This means that just because your mom had a spotless house while you were growing up doesn't mean you have to have one just like it. Or just because your friend has a home that looks like it came straight out of a Better Homes and Garden catalog, doesn't mean that you are suppose to too. Every one of us moms is just as different as every one of our kids. For instance, one of my good friends she is such a neat freak! Love her to pieces, but I am not a neat freak. She even apologizes for having a messy home when on a good day of mine my home is never that good looking and organized and she thinks her house is a mess? Does that make her a bad mom? Nope! Does it make me a bad mom because I am not that organized? Nope! It just means we are different. Not only is she in a different phase of life right now but she is also a completely different person than I am. I'm ok that her home looks good and she is comfortable living in it. But I also don't care if her home is messy or clean I wouldn't even notice the specific cleanliness to her home if she never mentioned it to me.
As a mom in today's world with pictures of our friends homes being paraded around in-front of us on every social media site thinkable we often have a hard time not comparing ourselves to them. From house cleaning, to cooking and baking, to raising kids and even dating our spouse we often can see where we may lack on the awesome meter. Frankly it can be super degrading if we constantly find ourselves looking around at everyone else's life. But let's be real for a second, most people only post the fun times on Facebook and twitter no one posts the bad pictures where the kids are crying more than they are smiling. They don't post photos of them and their spouse when they are in a heated argument and they don't post pictures of any dinner that they burned and the McDonald's they had to opt for because their kids were starving and they were done trying to be awesome mom!
turns into
We all see it everywhere. We all compare on a regular basis to everyone because we want everyone to think we are just as awesome all the time as we see portrayed in-front of our eyes. But here is a little secret. When people tell me they look up to me as a mom, wife, or any other aspect I see it as a compliment but I also don't want them doing that. Why? (this is my secret) Because I don't have it all together! I don't have all the answers for me and my family let alone the ability to help someone else really pull theirs together. If you lived with me as a fly on the wall you would see the truth of my life. I freak out on my kids, I have screamed at them but I also love on them with hugs and kisses. I am not the perfect wife or homemaker. I am far from the picture perfect idea of a good mom. But, I have learned to embrace that I am who I am. And guess what? My hubby and kids they love me no matter how good I am at cooking or cleaning or keeping up with Mrs. Jones. I am far from a perfect mom. I don't do craft projects with them anymore for the simple fact I am a perfectionist at craft time and if it doesn't look like I would do it then I get overly frustrated and yell at them, which turns craft time into not fun time.
See my talents don't' lie in teaching my kids crafts or drawing. I can't teach them things like that because it's overly frustrating for my brain and then when all is said and done I feel terrible for having pushed my kids to do something my way, they are gloomy because they upset me and didn't mean too and tried their hardest and frankly I just don't do it. It's pointless to try and do projects because it is more fun to just get out he color crayons at my house and we can all color our own pictures and spend time together that way. It doesn't make me a bad mom because I don't do crafty things, personally I hope it makes me a wiser mom for finally realizing it's pointless in our home and it saves on hurt feelings and angry words being said. I have learned to accept the fact that I can't change my personality, meaning craft time probably will never happen at my home, and frankly I am ok with that. My kids are not going to grow up as unable to enter society just because I decided to save them from crabby moments of crafting projects.
However, on a good note, I can bake and I love to do baking time with my kids. I love having them help me. But the cool thing is I know another mom who can't figure out how I even let my kids in the kitchen let alone help me bake. It doesn't make either of us bad mom's we are both just given different skill sets.
The point here is that we are all different. As mom's we all need to embrace who we are. Not look and see that everyone else has it together or Martha has a cleaner home than Mary. We need to realize that while we were busy doing stuff with our kids and they become who they are suppose to be the other mom's are busy doing what they are doing for their kids so they can become who they are suppose to be. Each mom has their own set of abilities and those children need those abilities to become exactly who God intends them to be while on this planet. Be excited you are not the same as your friend.
It's time to start being ok with you, stop being embarrassed of who you are when you look in the mirror and you don't see the reflection of a neat, well organized, always on time, perfectly made dinner every night, best tempered mom. Instead find out who you are, find out what works best for you. And though you may find other peoples opinions and ideas to work for some things don't forget to put your own twist to them. No one has all the answers for raising your kids, keeping your home, how to cook the right foods, and how to make it all work. We all lead different lives, with different people in them and different circumstances surrounding them. Find out what works for you and your family and go with it. What makes you and your family function to the best of it's ability is what is right for you. And trust me the whole of what you do will NEVER be the exact same for anyone else, that is what makes your specific family unique.
It's ok to sit back, relax and breath a bit. Your children will thank you, your spouse will thank you and for sure your own heart will thank you. Stop trying to keep up with everyone else's ideas of who you should be and just be who you are. It will be the most rewarding thing you have ever done for your family and for yourself! Your kids NEED you to be YOU not an idea of what you think everyone else thinks you should be. The perfect mom for your kids IS YOU!
No comments:
Post a Comment