My husband and I have been married a little over 6 1/2 years. And though that is not a long time to many in the lines of marriage I do believe there is still something to be said for what we have learned in the last 6 1/2 years of being bound together.
Last night we were on a date and I started thinking about all the things we do that I love that help keep us bound together so figured I would put the list together. It's nothing new for many to hear but some things some of us need to be reminded of.
1) Marry your best friend! Even on the days when marriage is tough Matt is still the one I want to talk to about everything, even if it's a pit in the marriage.
2) Make sure you agree on a few facts before you say the big 'I Do'
a) Your faith in Jesus Christ. You both must be equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14) This is the bond and foundation that will keep your marriage stronger than you can imagine through the best and worst of circumstances.
b) The number of kids you would like to have. I have seen plenty of marriages get into a frenzy because after they were married the wife realizes that the hubby dearest doesn't want any children. (this could happen the other way around too) To add to that make sure you talk about forms of how you would discipline your child. You don't want to find out that one of you believes in spankings while the other one believes it's a form of child abuse (that could end badly)
c) Money. Before you get married I highly recommend taking a course on finances together and being blatantly honest with each other about your own money habits and those that you see in your spouse. My husband and I do our money together. Everything we do we talk over with each other, bills, shopping. Yes I even tell him about the little $2 thing I get because he's going to find out about it any way when we sit down together to do the bills and check book balancing. I hide nothing when it comes to spending and he does the same. This keeps us on the same page of where we are financially from month to month. If one of you is better than the other at keeping track of bills make sure that person is in charge of it but always do it together so you end on the same page. It saves in arguments, TRUST ME!
-Remember you won't agree on everything but these three things I believe are something that you should have with similar priorities.
3) Date EACH OTHER!! Even after you are married make it a priority. My husband and I have had issues with this for many different reasons but the two main reasons have been financial and the fact that when babies are babies you have to find baby sitters and people to watch your child so you can go out not always easy. When we didn't have money or a baby sitter we would do date nights together at home after the baby(s) were in bed. Meaning a nice snack night with some wine and games or just watching a movie and cuddling. Anything that is exclusive just the two of you without the interruptions of phones and computers. Keeping it simple and romantic while staying in is sometimes the best nights. Though I love going out with my husband and dressing up for him there are times where just relaxing together at home has been the best times of getting to know him.
4) Say "I love you." It's not just an assumed you married me I know you love me kind of thing at our house we say it to each other several times a day.
5) Kiss often! My husband kisses me before he leaves for work, even if I am sleeping he wakes me up to kiss me good-bye. Any time either of us leaves the house we kiss good-bye. Any time he gets home from work we kiss. We kiss often and we don't care who is around. If I feel like leaning over and kissing him while we are in public I do it.
6) Flirt! For heavens sake be flirty and funny and exciting like you where when you were trying to get each others attention before you got married. Flirting is one of the funnest ways for me to know my husband still loves me. My personal #1 love language is physical touch. I love when he gets hands on flirty and yes we even do this in front of our kids (not too extreme). Though I am sure one day they are going complain that dad and mom hold hands and kiss and tickle each other it's ok it's good for them to see you interact and know what love is that it is NOT to be a hidden behind closed doors only kind of thing.
7) Argue. Ok so maybe some people don't like that term, you can 'disagree' if you like that term better. But be open about things that you don't agree about. You don't have to like something or go along with it just because your spouse thinks it's a good idea. Sometimes the best way to grow closer to each other is to actually have an opinion about something and share your opinion. I'm not saying an all blow out fight (though lets me honest those do happen on occasion) but argue your points of view but do so FAIRLY!! Do not be mean in your opinion. There is a difference in arguing because you have to win and arguing because you think you have a very valid point that you feel you need to get across.
8) Apologize. The words "I'm Sorry" should be said often to each other when you know you have done something wrong or said something wrong. Apologizing to your spouse can go a long way in the game of marriage. But if you are in the right there is still an apology needed if you were a little more hot headed than you needed to be to get your point across (I may have been guilty of this during more than one or two times in my marriage)
9) Forgive. It's easy to hold onto the fact that you think you are right. But if you don't forgive your spouse for the things he/she does you are going to become bitter and cold towards them. Which this lands you in no where good. If you are having a hard time forgiving them go back to #1 If you are married your best friend you can talk about it with them. Put aside the fact that they are the one you are married too and just tell them flat out. When you value a relationship you work hard to make it work, that means keeping the air clear of all past mistakes.
10) Pray. Pray together. Pray for each other. Pray often for your marriage to stay strong and healthy. Just make sure you pray. God is the number one person in your marriage and He has more power over you both than you think.
11) Serve together. Homeless shelter, missions work, in your church somewhere just serve together. It gives you simple glimpses of each others hearts when dealing with others.
12) Learn together. I love learning new things with my husband. We spend time learning together at church and at home by listening to other sermon series or talk radio shows that are helpful for us personally. This is a great way to bond. It helps give you something deeper than every day stuff to talk about and helps you both understand how and where you can encourage each other to grow.
13) Alone time. This is important for both in the marriage to get. You may be married to your best friend but you need your own space once in a while and so do they. Make sure there are times designated to personal space.
14) Have friends. It's important to have good friends outside of the marriage that you both respect and care for. My husband and I have a few couples that we are close with. We get a lot of our advice from them and they help to keep Matt and I encouraged in our marriage and in other areas of our life. It's important to keep these types of friendships they are the ones where much Godly wisdom will come when you may be having issues.
15) Respect. This idea goes far. Not only does the Bible say women should give it to their husbands but also it's a great tool to have in your marriage either way. You need to have respect for the people your spouse doesn't like you hanging out with, especially if they are opposite gender or they think they are a terrible influence on your marriage.
Also the way you talk about your spouse is a form of respect. When you are talking to others make sure you do not cut them down or find ways to embarrass them, it's a great way to put a huge divot in your own marriage.
Treat each other with respect in public and in private.
Part of respecting your spouse is also being honest with them. This doesn't mean being rudely honest but being honest in a loving sort of way.
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