Anyone who knows me knows that I don't really jump on the bandwagon with the whole bullying thing. Yes I agree that being mean is wrong, and I agree being physically harmful to someone is also extremely wrong. But I do also believe that kids will be kids and sometimes the things that come out of their mouth aren't them trying to be a bully it's just them being bigger than an adult because they are being honest, they just haven't learned to put a filter on their tongue properly yet because no one on the home-front has taught them how.
But, that being said I am on the bandwagon of pursuing that we stop bullying at home. Now, most people do not see themselves as a bully. Most parents don't want to think that there kids are being bullied in their own home. But lets face it, parents are the biggest bullies of them all.
As parents we have the biggest influences over who are children become now and later on in life. We are the ones that mentally harm them more often than their friends. And though they come to us for support and protection, many of them eventually stray away from the desire to run home for comfort because they start to think that even their own parents would agree with the hurtful words that may have come out of a friends mouth. They start feeling hurt by others words because it may not be the first time they have heard them, it may have been said in a different way behind closed doors but the meaning was the same. What hurts is when they start to believe the words, that is when the bullying starts to happen.
Here are a list of things you can watch yourself do at home that can be consistent with bullying:
1) Telling your child they are stupid. Now those words may sound harsh but there are the parents out there that tell their children that they are being: air headed; lazy, not trying hard enough, ect. You get the picture. All of these phrases spell out in a child's head that you don't think they are doing a good enough job, even if deep down they were trying in their own mind. Yes there may be room for improvement on grades, but try saying something positive once in a while and offering to truly and in a none upset voice help them each night. Sometimes kids just need to know that someone in their world thinks they are smart even if they aren't top of the class.
2) You are fat. Once again some parents may not say those exact words but they say something similar like; You should start watching what you eat you have a little extra weight around the middle. Or You should really start working out more you are getting a little on the thick side. or Are you really in that size of clothing I think we should start watching your diet a little closer. All things that in a child's mind relate to that they are not the right size in the parents mind which in turn makes them feel like they aren't good enough again.
Or there is my personal favorite when mom's talk to other moms about their kids weight issues and they think somehow that the child sitting in the next room can't hear them. (this is even more humiliating than just saying it to their face because now you have exposed a 'fault' to another human being, they no longer feel safe.) I have been the mom being talked to before about someone's child's weight size and trust me I am not a fan I feel bad for their kid because I don't believe size makes a person who they are.
3) Telling your child they can't do something because they suck at it. Ok, so we may not tell our kids they suck but we are the first to get embarrassed if our kid is not the star on the team. Why try out if you aren't going to get to play that much? I have heard parents make phrases like that to their child which in turn tells them the parent thinks they are terrible.
Here is the deal, how about letting them try out and just enjoy being on a team and feeling apart of something. In most cases the child already knows they aren't that good at the sport or something if the couch doesn't let them play that often. There is a good chance they already know they have room for improvement but might, heaven forbid, enjoy playing a game. Oh my a game would then just become a game again! Something to enjoy not something to freak out over if there is a loss or win.
4) Child neglect. Most people I know may not think of child neglect as a form of bullying but it is. Do you pay more attention to your phone than you do your child's homework? Are you on facebook, or twitter, or some other social media wasting time while your kids has been trying to get you to play a board game or read a book to them? Do you make them go do something alone so you can waste time on a device that doesn't actually care about you when you could be spending time building legos or teaching them to cook or sew?
Are you more interested in texting your friend or playing a game on your phone than you are spending time with your child and making sure they feel loved and special? And if they interrupt are you the one to freak out or maybe just be rude enough to tell them you are busy and to go away or just straight up ignore them?
The point is most of us as parents no matter the age of the kid are neglecting to actually spend the proper amount of time with our children due to being sucked in to electronic devices. Children think they rank after that phone or ipad you are constantly checking. If you spend more time on your phone and tablet devices and other things than you do your child there is a really good chance you are neglecting your child. They then start to feel less and less drawn to you and more and more like a failure because you have given them a very sure signal that they will never be as interesting as you find your phone, computer, or other electronic thing that gets in the way of them bonding with you.
You don't have to worry about who is a bigger bully the kid on the play ground or the one at home because the one at home is the one who is with them for life. The kid on the play ground is only lashing out at your child trying to find the right boundaries because their parents are at home teaching them the same thing as your child is learning. The bully at home is old enough to know better.
Kids only act the way they see their own parents act and other adults. Children are known for mimicking adults and older role models in their life. If you want your kid to stand out and be different and not act like a bully then it's time you stop acting like one to them.
Only when you show your child how to be nice, be kind, be loving and go out of your way to make sure they are happy will your child then not be a bully to others. I know most of you think, not my kid! My kids not a bully! Truth is most kids are a bully to someone at some point. They have all been taught in today's world how to be a bully before they ever meet their first friend. They watch mommy and daddy interact with each other, with them and with others and they replicate that to the rest of the wold when you aren't around to see.
If you want bullying to stop on the play ground and in the halls of the high schools then it's time to put a stop to the bullying that goes on in your own home!
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