As of late I have really taken personal time (yes even with busy children all over) to think about life and all bouts of it. Life in America seems so hard for people. As the rate of employment and home ownership seems to be back on the rise so does the rate of depression. The things we have seem to be more cause of depression than cause for joy and peace and satisfaction.
So why do we as American's strive for more?
Why are we so depressed if the world around us is supposedly improving and getting better?
Why are we so sad and miserable with all this stuff?
Why does America, the leading country in the number of Christians, have one of the highest depression rates in the world?
The more I thought about it the more I realized I was wanting something more. Something different. I wanted a life of happiness and joy and to not be like everyone else in my world. I wanted to be the one that stood out to make a difference. I don't want to live in the land of 'it's ok to be depressed." I wanted to live in the land of the happy and joyful living.
I wanted to give my kids something better too! I didn't just want to be like every other parent out there and raise my kid so they fit into society. I want to raise my kids so they will be the light that is different that makes the world around them want to be someone better.
I didn't want a life of perfection but I wanted one of simplicity and joy and filled with love and happiness.
And then it hit me. I do want the American Dream! The real American dream is to find pure happiness and joy. We just go looking for it in all the wrong places. We look in other people and in things. But I wanted everything to be more simple. The kind of simplicity you would find while reading Laura Ingalls Wilder's books. The kind of simple that has long been forgotten.
The simplicity where the only thing I have to worry about is making sure my kids are clothed, fed and knowing they are truly loved. A life where my husband is my ultimate world and him being happy is more important to me than keeping up with the American dream.
So my goal for the upcoming year, and starting now is to become simple. To become the joy filled, loving, Christ centered Christian. Where everything I do doesn't have to be drastic and showy. Where my home is filled with love, not objects to make it look good or too much activity to keep me from forming real bonds with those I love most.
My steps to a simpler life have really taken my brain to places such as; figuring out who to place first in my life instead of myself; or stop caring about what other people think of me and how I choose to live life. I use to be that person that looked to others for my happiness. I wanted them to all think I was great. I wanted people to think I was wise, I was smart and Biblically intelligent. I wanted them to see me as a good wife and mom.
But in all honesty while I was seeking everyone else's approval for my life I was missing the whole point.
I missed the part of actually caring what God thought. I wasn't trying to just act like a good person but that was what I was doing. When I was seeking approval from others I found that deep down there was never great satisfaction with anything I did. Why? Because frankly there was always someone out there who seemed to think I could do more, something different, or something better. It was true, I couldn't please everyone.
Though my focus deep down really was to please God I kept surfacing to thinking that if I was pleasing the Christian's around me it meant I was pleasing God. On the contrary, I have found that pleasing the Christians around me was only taking me to the road of difficulty, depression, lack of self-worth and many other negative places. This does not mean I think these Christians around me are terrible people, it means that my focus was wrong. Those people were not the One I need to please and try and make happy.
When I give up trying to impress the people around me and I just focus on pleasing God my life becomes simpler. Truly the cross I bare is so much lighter. The weight on my shoulders seems like it isn't even there at all. The things I do to please God are so easy for my heart to decide to do. It really makes the verses in Matthew 11:29&30 seem so true "Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."
This does not mean my natural instincts jump right on this idea. It may go against every grain of human nature that is in me. It doesn't mean every day is perfect, especially the days I am not being God focussed. But, when I focus on living my life only for God all the things He requires of me to do really do become Simple, Easy, and can even be FUN!
I have stopped trying to get my home to be picture perfect. I use to think I needed a spotless, gorgeous, always picked up home without any signs of dirt in it. I even tried to make it look like toddlers weren't running a muck in my home. I was constantly trying to find things to fill it with to make it look 'better.' I did this thinking a clean home meant a happy home.
When I stopped focusing on the stuff to impress the world around me and started focusing on how God wanted me to run the home I have learned I was totally wrong. My kids are kids, they are going to make things dirty. They want me to play with them and read books. They are not going to grow up and wish I had spent less time with them and more time trying to make our house look like a Better Homes and Gardens magazine cover. A toy scattered home means I have love flowing through it.
The picture perfect dinner table has also stopped happening. My husband seems way more relaxed to come home now that I have made most dinners more simplistic. I don't try and make fancy meals that the kids won't eat because let's face it, they are little they don't want pretty food, they want it to taste good, fancy food to a kid is pointless. My husband doesn't care if the meal looks perfect or classy, he just wants food and happy kids and a happy, less stressed wife.
When I apply simple to my life it may mean my kids don't get a bath one night because we decide to let the kids go outside and run around and play in the dirt. It may mean that my house goes in disarray for a few days in order to make more time to play with my kids. It may mean saving the dishes that should have been done earlier for even longer so I can read a book to their ever growing little minds.
There is always tomorrow to get things clean. I am not saying I leave my home in such disarray that my children, husband and I are always sick. I am saying that letting things be without worrying what it looks like to everyone else is more important. I'm relaxing and letting the joy of life fill my home. I am not going to concern myself with allowing how others think a perfect home should be run rule our home anymore.
God's first calling in my life is to serve my family. He is not asking me to be more than I can or to make sure I look like the ideal wife, or mother. God is asking me to focus first on taking care of those He has entrusted to me to care for the most, those living under my roof. They can't live joyfully and lovingly in my home if there is always worry that they are going to say or do the wrong thing that may just be what sets me over the edge.
Living simple in America is truthfully hard at times. It's hard not to see the displays of beautiful, well put together, picture perfect homes all over the internet and not wish that I had a moment of quiet in one of those.
The truth is I know that some day, when my kids are a few years older than they are now, they aren't going to want to have me hang out with them. They aren't going to need me to get on the floor and build train tracks with them. They aren't going to ask me to build the Lego set again and again or play dolls or whatever. One day, a day coming all too soon, my children are going to want to be more independent.
And when that day comes it means I'll have more time to tidy my home, prep nicer meals, work on art projects for my home to make it look more inviting to strangers. It means there will be less toys scattered and the idea that a toddler lives in my house will one day be a distant memory.
So today I choose to live simply. If for nothing more than to keep my children feeling joyful, loved and happy. I want my kids first memories of me and my home to be one of love and fun. Not one of mom freaking out because they just messed up my perfectly neat home.
Simple is not always an easy choice. It's not always the first thought I choose when something goes wrong. But I am learning with practice. The more I practice simple in my home the more joy that seems to flow. The more innocent giggles I hear and the more memories I have made that I will cherish for a life time.
My goal in life is to live as much like Christ as possible. Christ always lived simple. He didn't live to impress anyone other than the one He loved the most, His Father. Today I choose to live simple so that I may also impress the same Father. I will choose to live a life of quiet ease. I choose to live a life where I care more about the 4 wonderful people He has blessed me with under my one roof than I do about making an impression to those who would soon forget me if I were no longer around.
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